Category: News

The above clip recently surfaced after a team of adult grown-ups got tired of feminists ruining their favorite kid’s movie franchise and initiated a campaign to remake the most evil, brainwashing, culture-destroying movie ever made – Star Wars: The Last Jedi. This is comforting news as it proves not everyone has turned into an emotional soy boy who cares about mainstream-peddled shit like sexual assault or immigrant families getting torn apart and caged at the border, when urgent matters like “too many girls in da Star Wars” plague the nation. Manliness wins and feelings lose, bitch! Take that, Hillary!

Now, a lot of people have made fun of the idea that an army of basement-dwelling piss-babies could possibly make a movie on the same level as trained Hollywood professionals to begin with, but hold your horses! There is, at last, a clip! Enjoy. And also “live long and wizard Harry”.


Leader of the English Defence League and retired Sargon of Akkad fanboy Tommy Robinson was recently taken to jail for ‘contempt of court’ when all he did was the exact same thing that got him arrested last time. “This is something that could only have occurred in a socialist, pro-Islamic, gender-destroying shithole like dumb fuck England”, one socioeconomics expert explains. And make no mistake – this is where America is headed too. Continue reading

During the past couple of weeks here on The Planet That Must Be a Parody of Some Other One in the Cosmos Somewhere, we’ve learned quite a lot. For example, the huge number of people going public about all the times they’ve been sexually abused, oftentimes by celebrities (some unexpected; some expected as fuck; some too “gay” to remember), via the famous #metoo hashtag has taught us to, more staunchly than ever, continue to remind people that not ALL men are like that. Continue reading

In the midst of the peaceful protesting of totally non-Nazi, non-KKK, and otherwise non-racist right-wingers in Charlottesville that totally didn’t involve leftist counter-protesters getting run over or killed, staggering new evidence of the exploitive business occurring at NASA and on Mars has conveniently gone unnoticed. If you thought the liberal Pizzagate shit was bad (let alone real), you ain’t seen nothing yet.

Non-satirical note: No, I’m not plugging anything for my own gain here. I don’t make jack shit off video-making and I don’t have a remotely sufficient audience to start a Patreon. I’m only doing this so you know with whom I stand. And hopefully I made you laugh a little too. Stay safe!

I decide for once in my life to follow through on one of my New Year’s resolutions and vow to stop writing about PewDiePie, and instead I get to deal with this shit.

A few days ago, the Disney-owned content network Maker Studios revoked their partnership with the Internet’s main protagonist Felix “PewDiePie” Kjellberg, after his most recent videos were shown to be a little too meaninglessly offensive even for him, containing “ironic” anti-Semitism and one or two “Heil Hitler” salutes. This has also resulted in YouTube (the company, not the users) distancing themselves from their #1 superstar, cancelling his planned YouTube Red show, and the rest of the World Wide Web to mobilize to his defence.

Fanboys, fangirls, and social media commentators – including but not limited to shoe0nhead, Chris Ray Gun, Sargon (with guests) and h3h3productions – have already said their fair share about how slanderous/unprofessional the journalists covering this story are, how the actual context of the Nazi comedy is disregarded completely, and what a violation this is to freedom of speech. At least this is true for the social commentators and rant vloggers; the fanboys and fangirls spend most of their time blubbering on Twitter while blindly creating “Support PewDiePie” movements without looking at any data. Continue reading

Now excuse me while I dab at some imaginary Pokémon from my hoverboard and capture them on an exploding Samsung phone that plays decibel-boosted, bass-boosted, auto-tuned “n*gga trap” and hilarious 6 second videos about white shoes whilst literal clowns (and Harley Quinns) chase after me and I contemplate the fact that a borderline fascist babyman is the most powerful person in America even though I could have sworn Ghostbusters defeated sexism, all before I purchase a ticket for Remake 2: The Sequel, “challenge” my friends to stand completely still, marvel at how much cooler my selfies get when I add a dog nose, publish a think piece about how emojis and unfunny frog memes are the most racist thing to have happened all year, twerk to Rihanna’s “Gibberish”, and also mourn all the influencial celebrities that left us this year – none of which hit me as hard as that one gorilla whose name I can’t remember.

H A P P Y   N E W   Y E A R ,   H U M A N I T Y .   G O O D   J O B !

One of my favorite musicians – certainly one of our culture’s most influencial ones – left our plane of existence today. But, particularly in wake of recent events, we may just need the writing of Leonard Cohen than ever. That’s how most great artists survive after they leave, isn’t it? The world changes in some ways, but their commentary never cease to make sense.

After all, I can think of a certain politican who might lose his temper and, say, take Berlin any day now. Probably a lazy example but you get the idea.

Good night, Mr. Cohen.

Well folks, it’s confirmed! All the 4chan regulars and Extremely Manly Males who kept chanting the statement “when Trump wins” (surrounding clauses may vary) whenever liberal opinions would rustle their jimmies were evidently not bullshitting us after all.

Now, I know that I’ve said some disparaging shit about Donald Trump in the past. You’re probably expecting me to complain incessantly about what a dark time this is for the economy, non-white Americans, women, immigrants, citizens with disabilities, anyone in the LGBT community that isn’t named Milo, and trigglypuffs. I won’t do that, though, as I my views are no longer influenced by unreliable news websites with political biases or agendas. Instead, I get all my facts exclusively from right-wing outlets and libertarian podcasts, hence I can briefly cover the U.S. election aftermath without clouded judgement and with the understanding that Mr. Trumpet is the best president to ever be voted into office ever. In the Universe. Continue reading

Everything Wrong With YouTube – PART II

I have more or less come to a decision: I am not going to pursue a career in video-making. Yes, I love making short films and yes, I do post on YouTube with decent frequency, but it’s not a smart career. Trying to make money with it can’t possibly be a good option; not when you consider all the shit content creators have had thrown at them by now, all within the span of one year.

We survived the kerfuffle of the automated and/or fraudulent copyright strikes that only fell upon video makers who had Fair Use on their side whilst sparing those who would steal entire videos just to “react” to them, and we lived to see another day after entire YouTube channels started vanishing due to false accusations of breaking OTHER community guidelines. But now something else has happened. Something that neither robots nor butthurt film directors are culpable for. Continue reading

It’s really quite amazing how little it takes to convince Creationists of anything. It’s almost as if people who still insist on thinking that the Earth is 6000 years old are kind of easily duped.

In Kentucky, a supposedly 100% accurate replica of Noah’s ark recently finished construction after having been in the works since 2010. Its purpose is to prove that the stories of Noah’s ark are true (which is about as effective as building a life-sized version of Hogwarts to prove wizards exist) and to enlighten those who have been blinded by the lies of science. Right, ’cause everyone with their eyes open know that scientists are bullshitting us about the notion that animals are kind of prone to killing each other, regardless of how much it’s raining outside the impossible cruise ship they’ve been shoved into. It’s not like you can go outside or visit Australia for six minutes to verify this. A similar thought process goes into the Creationist “theory” that scientists are also lying about evolution, even though people getting themselves killed playing Pokémon Go should be proof enough that Natural Selection is a thing. Continue reading