Category: Dream Diary


Dream Diary 3

After arriving at my grandparents’ home, feeling unusually sleepy, I went to bed early. Here is what I dreamed.

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After the annual Walpurgis celebration in my grandparents’ nearby summer cottage, I went to sleep. Here is what I dreamed.

As the dream started off, I was located outside of the local university, where I was apparently supposed to take an exam that will hopefully help get me into the school where I want to continue my studies after high school.

The thing is, though, I had no idea that was the day of the exams, and so I showed up without the obligatory pencil, eraser and ruler. Desperate, I searched for these materials on a nearby table outside of a burger stand. Miraculously, I found a busted old pencil with an eraser at the end, as well as a broken ruler. I placed these in my camera bag, which conveniently decided to show up. Walking into the university building, though, I hadn’t the faintest clue where to go, and the staff was much too busy to show me to my designated classroom.

Eventually, however, I found myself in a room. Lots of my friends where there, including my high school mate Louise. We decided to go visit the local playground together after the first phase of the exam. Supposedly, this part of the dream is inspired by how Louise and I have been wreaking minor havoc at a nearby playground every time we’ve finished an X-Men marathon at my place. It’s a thing we do. Don’t judge. Either way, the tests started. Our professor looked an awful lot like Malcolm McDowell.

Better 'Community' than 'Caligula', I guess.

Better ‘Community’ than ‘Caligula’, I guess.

As we were about to leave and go to the playground, though, I lose track of her. I was approached by a guy I used to take German classes with, Lukas, who distracted me with bizarre statements and non-sequitors. Suddenly his best friends showed up and ripped off all of his clothes as he laughed loudly. I tried to make my way out of the school building but I kept finding weird rooms with walls made of glass. One of these contained a box, also made of glass, containing a mysterious blood-stained letter with weird ancient symbols on it.

I made it outside. On the street I met another friend of mine, a girl named Caroline. When she saw me, she smiled with her mouth but told a whole other story with her eyes. A boy I did not recognize embraced her from behind, planting kisses on her cheek. I was about to ask when she got a boyfriend but there was no time. A parade came storming towards us, holding up an enormous pink banner with no text on it.

As I tried to escape from these parading weirdos, I was yelled at by an overweight little boy who kept shouting “Hey! It’s me again! Hey!!”. I wasn’t sure what to make of this.

I went back inside the school building where I’d be safe from all the weirdness outside. However, the staircase was randomly getting flooded and Professor McDowell came running down the stairs repeating the word “Damn”. At this point, I received a text from Louise. It had inexplicably been translated to Danish so I decided to read it later. I met her as we were just about to enter the classroom, asking her where she’d gone earlier. “You should know that by now,” she said sternly before entering the classroom, seeming visibly upset.

I read the text again; the language was now one I could read more easily. She was apparently mad, not that I had lost track of her earlier, but that I wanted to go to a playground with her in the first place. She asked me if I really thought it was appropriate to go make a fool of herself on a playground when she had a little sister to babysit and watch R-rated action/horror movies with (for some reason). She has no sister in real life, but I digress.

In the classroom, I tried to make amends with her and she got over it surprisingly quickly, ultimately forgiving me. I attempted to justify my behavior by claiming that I was half-asleep the whole time. I basically told her that everything up until that point had felt exactly like a dream. Scarily enough, I didn’t quite know how right I was.

hannibal-madds-mikkelsen1

Things don’t seem to promising.

When the next part of the exam was about to take place, Professor McDowell was gone. Instead we got a professor that looked unmistakably like the NBC version of serial killer Hannibal Lecter. When he entered, my eyes suddenly flashed and my consciousness was somehow transported backwards in time. I saw the room with the glass box from earlier. Professor McDowell came into the room, looking rather drenched from the weird flooding that was taking place just a while back. He opened the glass box and took out the bloody letter.

As he read it, he eventually spotted the Hannibal-looking professor standing in the doorway, staring at him ominously. Just as my consciousness came back to present day and I was about to tell everyone that something horrific was about to happen to all of us, I was awoken by my mother. I can neither confirm nor deny that any of us made it without becoming Hannibal chow. (I think I just realized where Ron Perlman‘s character in Pacific Rim got his name from.)

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This has been the second entry of the Dream Diary. More will come if I dream something that must also be written.

Dream Diary, entry 1

After returning home from a successful Friday night at the nightclub, I collapsed on my bed. Here is what I dreamed.

I was at a party at some mansion near a lake with a bunch of people. Some kids, some adults, some teens, some elderlies. It was more of a dinner party than anything I had subjected myself to during the pub visit prior. One of the guests I recognized as one of the first people to ever truly fuck me over. I hugged her tight, no doubt due to my mindless hugging during the nightclub party.

In the dinner lounge, a movie by Disney was being screened. It involved Christopher Robin teaching Winnie The Pooh, Piglet and Tigger how to use a laptop as they sat on the floor of their living room. Lady and The Tramp were there also, playing the role of Christopher Robin’s pets, I imagine. Suddenly, Tramp got horny and erected his penis, which looked just like the enormous bee stinger from one of the Donald Duck cartoons I saw as a child, only it was black. Footage of Tramp humping Lady senseless and eventually ejaculating is intercut with scenes of Tigger throwing Piglet around in a goofy, slapstick fashion.

I look at my bemused friends at the dinner party, some of whom had their faces painted black and wore white robes. We were all weirded out and confused as to why the children at the party should have to see this naughty movie, especially whilst eating. But it was alright because I eventually found that all the youngest guests at the party were busy playing in what looked like a giant pillow fort inside a gym. One of them, however, went outside for some reason to call someone on her cell phone. She seemed lost and unsure where she was, asking someone to come and get her from, well, wherever she was. She acted as if something horrible was going to occur.

Then I’m not entirely sure what happened, although I recall discovering eventually that all of the old people at the party, lead by a fat man with a moustache, were planning on destroying the rest of us with fireworks and take all of our money and jewelry. But as they were about to do this, it all backfired and the fireworks blew up in their faces. The other guests were outraged and left the party straight away. Some were laughing, others were upset and some brought home DVD copies of the Lady and The Tramp porno movie we saw.

The fat man with a moustache, I’ll call him “Bill”, was sitting on a stool next to his wheelchair, in front of a table full of gifts, holding on to his accordion and looking injured, defeated and sad. His face was full of ashes and burn marks from the firework attack. I went out to the front hall, where I had previously met that girl I hugged. I looked at a sign that had the face of a minstrel on it (I have a phobia for minstrels, I might add) and somehow – I do not remember how – ended up in my local town with the very same people who went with me to the nightclub last night.

We walked together to one of the only open nightclubs in town and they all ran inside excitedly. I, on the other hand, remained outside with my brother who had inexplicably appeared there. I asked him how we should get home, ultimately deciding to go by bike. We biked alongside some of my brother’s friends. I didn’t know them but we did have a discussion about laptop computers from the 90’s, one of which was perched on my brother’s bycicle. I felt bad the entire trip, feeling as though I really needed to go back and change things for the better.

This, ladies and gents, is where the dream restarted. Almost everything I’ve described above happened again, which it took me a while to figure out, but when I got to the part where Bill and the old people were about to attack the others with fireworks, realizing I was in a dream, I used my powers to control the dream world to make the fireworks fly out the window instead of hurting the old folks. This made the guests look out at the sky in astonishment and leave the party feeling satisfied instead of mad.

Bill still sat on his stool looking defeated, though, so I approached him. He asked me what just happened. I said to him that I had time-traveled and set things right. I told him he was a good man and that I’d very much like to borrow his accordion. He smiled.

A dog then barked at me. The End.

This has been the first entry of the Dream Diary. More will come if I dream something memorably outrageous enough.