Category: Journal


Please help.

New video, folks! Fort Zancudo’s finalized metahuman experiment, Experiment Zero V2, is set loose to wreak havoc upon San Andreas. It is up to their previous experiment, Jesus “CarpenThor” Christ, to show what he’s made of and bring this monster back to Dr. Wilfred and the military. Alas, Wilfred fears that the time has come to deactivate CarpenThor, for good.

Meanwhile, Diana Leech finally unveils her true form; Ghostbones Skullrider collects more gear for the upcoming war against humanity; Misty keeps running from the military after outsmarting Norman Stillbourne; Tharkseid reveals the true nature of the space time anomaly at the bottom of the sea and Lois JewThor, who survived the attack of her husband Lex, gets a visit from another dimension and learns the true extent of her reality-warping abilities. That’s really where we’re at now.

Oh and here’s a video where the king of the truthers, Stephen Dawking, tears Bill Nye a new one for saying things on TV:

I love myself so much. Enjoy!

In honor of the upcoming Tom and Jerry: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory movie, I have decided to finally release this super-original and not remotely cringey movie I’ve had on my mind for a while. I’ve always wanted to join in on the Pooh’s Adventures trend and put my favorite character in my favorite movies by splicing clips together at more or less random, so here’s something to hold you over now that there’s a shortage of “Elsa and Spider-Man eat excrement with the dentist” videos.

Enjoy! Danskjävlar!

thot you wouldnt know that governor

Hi y’all, i’m cutie-da-bootie. i’m the white teenaje gIrl fully grown unapoloGetik basic bitch with 2 babies on da way who stands in for vIcTor when hes not available for blogin. i wa$ just chiling wif my grrrrrrlllll Kindle <3, watchin hiskoo mew cycle , da miley cyruS criteRion coLlection, & Keepin Upside Down Wit The Kardashians ❤ as u know, lookin aT Kredasgians is the most BADASS thin sinse the takin a midle fingeR selfie wit da sNapchat dog filter, lmfao fuck u h8rs lol 😂

anyway, i have an anownsement 2 maek, u can now finD me on TWITTER:

all da emoji’s n da sa$sy CindRella pic were mai personall litle toucheS. i kinda wanteDd 2 separate miselF froM othEr twitr meme paGes, ya knoW??

i retweet froM all da best n most RELaTABLE tiwter accounts 4 da real queen$, includin a dozzn “Common White Girl”s, aproksimately twenti “Sexual Gifs” n also harleY quinn memes lol (margo robie<3)! i may evn post some relatabel tweets of my owN abowt howw weird n random i am 4 breaving oxygen, how CUTE cumblerbaz n zaxophone efron are, n also OMG BEYONCÉ IS PERGNAT ❤ASHDKASJDHAKSJFHAKSTWERKFJHA KFJHAKHEWILLNOTDIVIDEBYZEROMNF ❤❤

Follow hear P.s.. no bois allowed, eww, lol (unles, liek, its roobert patentson or niall degrassE horan – but other dan dat doe)

previus entrys bai dis useR:

 

Everyone’s favorite superhero is finally back with a brand new season (last episode here) with better camera work and shittier Rockstar Editor export quality (forgive me). This was meant to be a filler episode where Jesus “CarpenThor” Christ squares off against Impotent Rage, a much more beloved newcomer in the superhero game. But then I accidentally wrote in a bunch of important plot progressions, timely commentary/satire, and a scene where an old lady fires a minigun at people. So I officially can’t even do boring filler episodes right. I am worthless.

The plot: Jesus “CarpenThor” Christ awakens after his encounter with Sinistor to find that a new metahuman, Impotent Rage, is being idolized and celebrated for that which makes CarpenThor and his peers outcasts. This is all very relevant. Meanwhile, a disguised Lex Jewthor returns to the place where his family died only to make a horrific discovery, Misty realizes that the military is after her, Diana gets herself involved with the people at Fort Zancudo after getting too close to the human world with her new boyfriend Beast Boi, Chesterfield grows tired of his abusive boss Norman Stillbourne, and Ghostbones Skullrider sees an oppurtunity in the arrival of Impotent Rage.

Also there’s an old lady with a BFG at the end. Enjoy.

I made this stupid shit a while back for educational purposes. Are you tired of writing political cartoons with subtext and clever commentary and wish you could just label everything so that you instantaneously know what all the metaphors mean and who the objectively bad people are? Have you always wanted to see Powerpuff Girls but with Sargon, Milo Y, and The Golden One? Well, sonny, this vid’s for you! Continue reading

I'm told the real winner is Beyoncé.

I’m told the real winner is Beyoncé.

How about that timing, huh? The Oscars are finally colorful and diverse enough to most people’s liking, with such impactful films as Moonlight, Lion, Fences and most appropriately Hidden Figures getting proper recognition in most areas, acting included, as well as such documentaries as I Am Not Your Negro and Ava Duvernay‘s 13th.

So what do we learn at almost the exact same time as the announcement of this year’s nominees? Oh, just that Donald Trump’s proposed “Muslim Ban” would ensure that Asghar Farhadi, whose Iranian film The Salesman received a nomination for Best Foreign Language Film, would not be able to enter The United States and attend the ceremony (and even as it was revoked, Farhadi refused to appear either way as an act of protest). Well done yet again, guys. Things are looking “great again” already. Oh well, at least it was well-intentioned and meant to make sure that all the countries with confirmed ties to the 9/11 attacks no longer have easy access to the Americ-OH WAIT! Continue reading

While you were busy watching live inaugurations and punching perfectly innocent Nazis (yes, I seriously just typed that), Stephen has been doing research around the clock on this one aspect of the Pizzagate conspiracy that’s so nightmarish that nobody has thought of it yet. Be warned: massive red pills ahead but for God’s sakes THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

This is not satire.

NEW VIDEO: ‘CarpenThor’ Season Finale

The episode where the shizzle hits the fan. Jesus “CarpenThor” Christ notices the presence of a mysterious chess-master known as Sinistor (played by a GTA Online version of yours truly), who’s either loyal to the military, the dark lord Tharkseid, or both.

Meanwhile, Lex Jewthor escapes captivity; Misty discovers the truth about her new mentor Wilfred; Ghostbones Skullrider is told to look up a methuman who may just have returned from the grave; Beast Boi and Diana fight off the vengeful Mannibal one last time; Norman Stillbourne tries to impress his father with the military’s weaponization of metahumans to no avail, and Stillbourne’s sycophantic servant, a monster named Chesterfield (yes, seriously), realizes how abused he truly is. This will be my last episode for a while. Surprisingly, doing shit like this for a year gets kind of old after a while.

In memory of Debbie Reynolds. Sort of.

christmas

Don’t follow me on Instagram.

Hey, folks! Here’s hoping you’ve all had a merry Christmas and that you’ve rubbed it in the faces of those who either hate the holiday or think that everyone’s in on a conspiracy to take Jesus out of it, as if the birth of Christ is what Pagan traditions are typically about.

Mine, for one, was pretty good. The gifts I received include various Blurays (such as a Star Wars box set for the whole family), books like Thing Explainer and a Dark Crystal prequel, various forms of candy, and the obligatory bottle of liquor. Stuff I gave out, meanwhile, included a Little Prince DVD, champagne glasses, a Star Trek Beyond 3D Bluray (sorry), an old Swedish comic that my grandparents love, and a bottle of hairspray which I made the recepient think was a dildo. Then there was the Christmas party I had with the schoolmates where we played that gift-game with a dice and I went home with drink flavoring and new Apple headphones, because yes, I will in fact support Apple insofar as willingly getting their stuff for free.

I also gave my brother the new Age of Empires 2 expansion, ensuring that we won’t have productive lives this upcoming week, as well as a cookbook with deliberately shitty recipes. And both of us got our parents a deep fryer and booze, among other things. Sometimes it almost feels better to give.

Seriously, though. Happy holidays! More posts will come soon!