This one’s worth skipping.

Get over it (you know exactly what I mean).

No, it is not a sequel to Guy Ritchie‘s Snatch. He’s releasing a different film this weekend. Instead, Snatched is the latest in a long line of attempts on Hollywood’s part to make Amy Schumer a thing. Like many before me, I am yet to see any appeal, although this seems an irrelevant observation. Whenever the media places Schumer on a pedestal of either comedy or attractiveness (such as when Glamour praised her choice of red lipstick while presenting hilariously sad images of her miniscule lips) it seems like a joke of its own, meant to either irritate online trolls who find her appearance haggard and her vagina-boob shticks unfunny, or simply be self-aware in how demonstrably wrong it is. I am not sure either worked.

Better watch yourself.

Of course I realize that Schumer nonetheless has fans, and I hesitate to observe that it may be precisely because she isn’t the transcendentally hilarious bombshell the linkbait sites insist. This isn’t just another Hollywood celebrity; we’ve all met people like Amy Schumer at one point or another in the narrative of life. All of them, I’m sure, are very fond of Amy Schumer, albeit not for the reasons they’ve been convinced.

To be precise, the latest effort is a comedy film wherein she, despite other plans, takes an exotic vacation with her mom (Goldie Hawn), which goes awry in increasingly improbable ways. It basically starts on a relatable, non-fantastical situation and goes into zany action territory, not unlike a Hangover film. It also utilizes tropes common in the buddy cop subgenre, as well as countless fish-out-of-water films. If it doesn’t sound too exciting or original, don’t despair – this one stars women instead of men. (Did I mention Paul Feig produced this?)

The film takes place in South America but was filmed on Hawaii, which I bet will infuriate all three of the geography nerds who saw this movie. There are also supporting actors to consider, many of them providing something to enjoy, if only for a brief moment. Randall Park plays the boyfriend who dumps Emily Middleton (Schumer) so that she is forced to instead bring her mother Linda in the first place, Ike Barinholtz is Emily’s isolated brother, Christopher Meloni is a jungle adventurer, and Joan Cusack and Wanda Sykes turn up for a while. Óscar Jaenda plays my favorite character, a Colombian gang boss named Morgado, who kidnaps our heroes and seems to belong in a different tale entirely.

I will give the film this: I can imagine people enjoying it, and those are people just like Emily and Linda Middleton; the embarrassing single mother who doesn’t know better, and the Amy Schumer type friend of your group who loves joking about her lady bits as much as she loves sharing un-ironic Minion memes on Facebook (and who, odds be damned, has her sights set on men like Tom Bateman). Here, they get to be unlikely action heroes continuously surrounded by dumb and evil males. You could argue this makes the film a success at its own plight, but I didn’t make the case that Emily and Linda have a particularly refined palette when it comes to entertainment.

Besides, it is possible yet that even the Emily and Linda types won’t be thoroughly endeared while watching this. The jokes made at the expense of these women’s appearances are more mean-spirited than anything I’ve yet to say (one scene compares them to candle wax) and I occasionally got the sense that we were not meant to sympathize with the heroines for these scenes. Was I wrong? Are Hollywood now pandering to the anti-Schumer extreme instead?

No matter how you choose to interpret it, the fact remains that Snatched is predictable and unchallenging for both the performers and the viewers. When one of the big zingers of the trailer showed Goldie Hawn misinterpreting the word “welcome” as “whale cum”, only for Schumer to clarify what the pun was, I was somewhat reminded of the scene in A Million Ways to Die in the West where the main character stops to address the camera and explain one of the jokes for us. In Seth MacFarlane’s defense, he was doing it as a joke of its own.

I have seen critics call Snatched “shockingly bad”, claiming that it doesn’t nearly live up to the quality of Schumer’s previous hit Trainwreck. When the golden standard is an uninspired rom-com where some of the shots aren’t even in focus, it figures that a film with pretty pictures is a step down. It does break the 180 Degree Rule a few times, though, so that’s something.

2/5 whatever

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