oni-sionIt’s been a long time since I talked properly about YouTube’s favorite cuckold and very happy man Greg “Onision” Jackson. This is mainly due to the advice I’ve received from fans of his after writing about him, namely that I should just stop paying attention to the guy if I don’t like him, as if to say that hating Greg as a person would make me unable to enjoy watching his meltdowns on a monthly basis.

Anyhow, I did leave Gregory alone for a while after doing a quickie on him last year. I’m sad to say, however, that He Who Wins Debates Against Sock Puppets is at it again. When he’s not busy watching his wife get intimate with a teenage girl whom the wife later cheats on him with (polygamy works, guys), he’s apparently looking at fangirl-submitted selfies and telling the senders how “beautiful” or “disgustingly unhealthy” their half-naked bodies look. And as you may have guessed, it has been noted several times, more so in recent days than when he supposedly started the forum itself, that not all of these girls are of legal age. Uh-oh… bro.

Now, normally I would write this kerfuffle off as folks in the modern world simply doing what they do best and overreacting. But to quote whoever wrote Hamlet, methinks the cuckold doth protest too much. This wouldn’t be the first time Greg’s been accused of pedophilic tendencies only to respond by continually denying this one claim a curious quantity of times (not that he was debunking the actual evidence very well, this time included). And of course, when simultaneously getting called on the fact that mocking individuals with serious problems isn’t generally that useful to them (must be, what, the hundredth time he’s needed that explained to him?), he also decided to put this up on Twitter, which totally wasn’t written by him since this his how real human beings talk:

“Hey mom! Some guy who makes fun of children on YouTube says I’m disgusting. I mean I didn’t really wanna do anything about my issues before because I’m just dumb and doing it for attention but now I kinda want to get better.” This dude got a book published.

Let’s ignore the fact that, assuming this screenshot is somehow real, a case of one anorexic getting better after being insulted by that YouTuber who “[doesn’t] attack other people for the way their bodies look” (sic) doesn’t actually refute the notion that said YouTuber is making the situation worse for some people. I would link you to the Wiki page for the cherry-picking fallacy, Greg, but I’ve already done that multiple times on Twitter and, well, as far as I can tell you’re still you.

What I’d instead like to focus on is how he deals with the other, more pedo-related allegations. Not only is he still convinced that openly calling someone disgusting is an effective way of helping them, but much like how he thinks that a legitimately “honest” person needs to constantly remind people how honest they are, he took it a few steps further and posted YouTube videos about the pedophilia shit, including this one right here:

I guess it doesn't help that he switched his aesthetic from

I guess it doesn’t help that he switched his aesthetic from “emo rock star with Instagram filters” to whatever this is.

Okay, so, first of all: I don’t know that the fuck a “pedophilia test” is (apparently the most reliable method of testing this shit is a Facebook quiz) but I’m pretty sure it would only need one question. Like, for example, “Have you or have you not looked at pictures of your underaged fangirls in revealing outfits?” or maybe “Have you, a thirty-year-old man, ever flown to a state with a lower age of consent just to fuck someone?” Also, how long are you guys betting it’s gonna take before Greg falls in love with a dedicated fan from Japan and leaves the country for a little while?

Secondly, when you feel the need to publicly announce your innocence as frequently as you do, my immediate reaction isn’t to deduce that there’s nothing suspicious in the works. It’s kind of doing the opposite, hence my quotation from earlier. Can’t remember where it was from.

Through the years, some people have accused Greg of also being a rapist and I don’t think that one’s true at all. If it was, he would have barged into a police station long ago and shown the cops a random letter written by someone else (who has the exact same hand-writing as him) and said “Look, here’s a girl who says I haven’t raped her”, and I don’t think he’d still be around to record creepy videos of/about his lovers and sanctimonious screeds about meat-eaters if that had transpired. Maybe another time, though.

"No, I said I'm done talking about this shit on my SECOND channel, not my THIRD, lol!" (Click here to verify that he was "done" with this mess 2 weeks before the pedo quiz video)

As you can probably tell, this already well-documented bit of Internet Drama™ is what truly made me decide to go back to writing about this guy and his trainwreck-tacular online hijinks. However, it isn’t what initially made me WANT to do it. What made me want to do it, rather, was when he started talking shit about Donald Trump.

And the thing is: I don’t like Trump. At all. Sure I think he’s fun to laugh at but I also think he’s dangerously incompetent and thin-skinned. My problem with Onision shitting on him isn’t that I in any way support Trump; it’s that this man, this gloriously self-deluded president-elect, should be right up Greg’s alley.

Here is a grown man who thinks that receiving legitimate criticism is just people being “easily offended”, is showered with blind praise from his supporters no matter how much stupid shit he says or does along with the defense that he’s just “honest and telling it like it is” (despite how many fact-checkers prove him wrong), and also has pretty fucking terrible hair. The fact that someone like Greg “Onision” Jackson would ever talk smack about anyone who exhibits all these qualities truly speaks volumes for how little self-analysis goes on in Onion boy’s head. Either he doesn’t know, or he knows too well and this is how he deals with hating himself.


I could mention the time he also shit-talked fellow YouTuber Leafy for using clickbait thumbnails, always doing jump-cuts and being pale, but you get the idea.

You’re probably thinking, then, that I should be more eager to make fun of Onision than ever, and I’m really not. I’m genuinely starting to wonder if this man has autism. The lacking self-awareness, the non-functioning empathy, the constant need to control his partners’ lives, the desperate scrambling for evidence that supports his preconceived batshit beliefs about depression, obesity or what-have-you; many of the oft-documented symptoms are there. I can guarantee you that this is a test he did not take.

Even as I write this article, which is considerably less vitriolic than many of my other Onision posts, I can’t help but feel bad. I don’t want to have made fun of an autistic person all this time, because hey, I would have to be kind of a bad person to think that publicly mocking people with issues is somehow helpful, right? So Greg, I know I couldn’t even bring myself to apologize to you sarcastically in my April 1st 2014 post. All the same, I hope you can forgive me as I promise I will better myself and be more understanding.

Then again, I suppose it’s useful to remember that which iDubbbz said back when he made his video about Keemstar: “I’m not making fun of an autistic kid. I am instead making fun of a retarded adult.”

He also said something to the effect of

He also said something to the effect of “Leafy shouldn’t have to bully people looking the way does”, which is something to consider.

That’s it for now! Always know where your towel is (and never forget to encrypt your fangirls’ selfies properly)!

EDIT: Oh and just as I posted this, the news about Donald Trump secretly being into sexual peeing dropped. I can’t get over how perfect this is. It’s like he’s the Skeksis to Greg’s Mystics except both halves are evil. This year’s shaping up to be a gift that keeps on giving.