Now that Batman v Superman: Even More Extended Edition is out, I figured I might as well persist in being “totally in-sync” by once again releasing a much better superhero movie. This time around, Jesus “CarpenThor” Christ discovers something shocking about the store clerk he’s crushing on and also reconnects with his long-lost crazy clown brother Loker Christ.

Meanwhile, Lex Jewthor finds out more about the enigmatic light at the bottom of the sea that made him powerful or some shit. Sit back and relax, friends! I hope you love clowns too.