I have praised and roasted my fair share of YouTubers during my prestigious time here at WordPress. You’ve all heard my thoughts on that funny gamer man (who needs no more shit thrown at him what with recent “YouTube Drama” debacles and such), those “Reactionists” and that one drama queen vegan who never shuts the fuck up, so I figured I should expose you to some content creators out there who are lesser known to most and more well-known than they should be to me. You can thank and/or lynch me later.

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Stomedy

tuber 1If there’s one good thing to come out of the controversial videos of the now infamous LeafyIsHere, it would be the fact that he exposed us to the bewildering world of Stomedy. Chances are that, if you don’t follow Leafy (which is just as well), you have no clue who this eccentric African is. Or what. Or how.

As shitty luck would have it, I actually recall coming across Stomedy before he was made into a meme by Pyrocynical and Leafy. I found a video where he “reveals” the true face of HowToBasic (something I theorize has already been done several times on accident by Filthy Frank) as well as the fact that the brown egg we usually see HowToBasic smash in his videos is meant to symbolize him – Stomedy. The reason for this, Stomedy claims, is that Stomedy once got his hands on a girl whom HowToBasic was crushing on and that HowToBasic’s videos are just his way of venting his jealousy and frustration. Sounds like a real playa, this egg man.

As if there were ever a shred of doubt.

As if there was ever a shred of doubt.

While I prefer the fan theory that HowToBasic’s true backstory is the entire plot of Hardcore Henry, the interpretation presented by Stomedy is an at least interesting one. Another YouTuber he has tried to roast is the aforementioned Leafy, where his ultimate comeback was to claim that the username “Leafy” indicates that he has sex with leaves. See, when I said before that the world of Stomedy is a bewildering one, I wasn’t only referring to the things that happen in his content (even though shoving a power drill into your own temple is definitely up there), but also the things that go on inside his beautifully egg-shaped head as it cooks up a biting repartee. Maybe try hard-boiled next time, Stomedy.

stomedy

I’ll hereby let the reader determine whether this is a cause or an effect of Stomedy being what he is.

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The Golden One

He must have a great personality.There is an entire community of humans on YouTube that specializes in meandering rants about how “Cultural Marxism” is destroying the world and how feminists are ruining Star Wars or something. This hilariously Scandinavian beefcake is often counted amongst them.

The Golden One, his username being a reference to the type of shower that was used when he dyed his hair, is a Swedish vlogger/self-proclaimed demigod and body-builder who is just as confident in his intelligence as he is in his attractiveness. The consequences of both these things can be dire. With a Swedish accent that makes me sound like a Shakespearian theater actor by comparison, Golden One seems like a hodge-podge of all the Scandinavian stereotypes; the physique of a Viking (which he will occasionally dress up as), unreasonably blonde hair, and firm in his beliefs that feminism is evil and that Gay Pride is “gay propaganda”. I might be wrong as to whether the last two qualify as Scandinavian stereotypes but who knows?

He has no problem with homosexuality, though. He just thinks it doesn’t sound as glorious when you say you’re about to go home and violate your man as it does to say you’re about to go home and violate your fair maiden. I have replaced none of those words. This is the way he actually says sentences.

I took a look at his Facebook fan page, curious as to what other opinions he has to share with the unsuspecting web. Apparently he is a Donald Trump supporter, and he defends his standpoint with the eloquency you’d expect from the kind of guy who uses the phrase “beta male” un-ironically (and also supports Donald Trump):

At least when can rest assured he has no clue who JonTron and Jonah Hill are. Whew.

The point is very clear. If you don’t vote Trump, you are a fat loser (especially if you’re one of the world’s most famous and well-liked YouTube gamers or a millionaire actor) and if you do, you’re a sexy hunk. Even if I had the “dropped out of kindergarten” education that’s probably required to take this point seriously, I suspect it takes a simple Google Image search to see if it carries as much weight as Golden Boy himself does in one week.

Oh.

Thought as much.

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どてらぽっと

tubers 3I don’t know what that Japanese phrase means or what it has to do with what’s featured on the YouTube page that bears the moniker, but I do know one thing: it is dedicated entirely to remaking stuff like old cartoons shot-for-shot, but with all the characters replaced by anime girls.

And… yeah no, that’s it. That is all. It’s an entire YouTube channel about Tom and Jerry shorts reimagined as the adventures of inconsistently sized anime women and other quirky experiments. And judging from most people I know who enjoy anime fan-art, the character size discrepancies in these videos might have their roots in some obscure fetish I’m too socially adjusted to understand. I dare not think harder about what motivated the person who created this channel to do just that.

Of course I realize that the differences in size are actually due to the fact that a shot-for-shot remake of Tom and Jerry requires at least one character to be the size of a mouse. That’s kinda why it works better as an over-the-top cartoon about anthropomorphic animals and not someone’s anime fan-fiction that’s frankly more well-animated than it probably deserves to be.

dedication

The fact that she roars like the Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer lion is frightening enough, but considering the material, it coulda been worse.

Speaking of animations, let’s talk about something that isn’t ambitiously made in the slightest:

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MrChriddof

tubers 4Let’s shift gears for a minute and focus on someone I actually respect and I “think you should check out” in a good way. Bet you thought we’d never get here.

MrChriddof is a British auteur, famous for such surreal animation nightmares as Funny Horsie and hank hill.avi, who is sadly no longer on YouTube, as far as I know. But his content has been reuploaded by other channels and there are even some channels that purport to be Chriddof’s new one. In any case, it’s the classics we all remember. Me and my friend Raouf have just as much fun reciting dialogue from Funny Horsie as we do playing “Shitting in the 1940’s” during our pre-drinks at his apartment.

And with that I finally figured out why neither of us have any other friends.

I might post another list like this one in the future. In fact, I probably won’t have a choice. The Internet is an exciting place.


EDIT: As for the YouTube Drama shite-storm I mentioned earlier, I have elected not to comment on it, being as GradeAUnderA hit most nails on the head in his coverage of the clusterfuck. Watch it here and enjoy. More posts to come!.

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