uhm

Two million years ago, Ian Carter of iDubbbzTV gave us his informed take on so-called Toy Channels; that popular fad on YouTube in which unfunny parents will showcase random toys and give them to their kids, only for their viewing figures to crack six digits because evidently shit like this is entertainment gold. It’s basically a new way for people to make a quick buck off of their children’s cuteness in exchange for letting said children become spoiled brats who will henceforth be used to getting a bigger, more annoying version of Christmas every week.

However, there was something in iDubbbz’s video on the matter that didn’t quite fit. At timestamp 5:48, there is footage that doesn’t seem to connect or even relate to the other Toy Review Channels within the vid. Instead, I think Ian tried to warn us that the worst was yet to come. A trend even less deserving of being popular. An idea for content even more fascinatingly inane. Here’s the video, first of all:

The clip in question shows a woman fucking around with a blow-up doll (?) resembling Queen Elsa from Frozen, more or less acting out a shitty sketch in which Elsa is a character. This seemed a little strange and goofy when I first saw it, but then things started happening on the rest of the website.

In the past couple of weeks, similar but (comparatively) more effortful videos have started emerging allover the Tube. And it isn’t just some one-off parody sketch à la College Humor. It’s literally dozens of videos from dozens of unrelated YouTube users that have but one thing in common: they fucking love acting out shitty sketches in which, you guessed it, Elsa is a character! And Spider-Man, usually.

No, not in a separate series of videos, you shitlord! In the same ones, of course. Marvel’s superheroes and the Frozen cast, together at last! Several times! I am making up precisely none of this:

spider frozen

Some of these must have taken entire microseconds to conjure up.

In many ways, you could say that they’re a “spin-off” of the Toy Channels, not necessarily just because of that one Toy video where the girl fights a giant Elsa doll with creme cheese (again, none of this is made up), but also because certain Toy Channel motifs re-occur in them. “Giant surprise eggs” for instance.

Oh and you see that too, right? The fact that many of these videos have well over 10 million views? Did you also know that several simply focus on random comic book and Disney characters going to the doctor to apparently get syringes shoved up their ass? One such video has over 40 million hits! Don’t believe me? Look for yourself in the image below. It’s the one that thinks outside the box by having Elsa and Spidey BOTH be anally injected with nondescript fluids in its thumbnail:

doctor fuck the puss

Content, circa 2016.

Yeah, turns out there’s a high demand for these “doctor videos”. So much so that not only does each individual vid deserve a minimum of a hundred thousand hits, but we also need MULTIPLE channels to churn out the exact same garbage simultaneously (note that some are by Webs & Tiaras, some by My Superheroes IRL, etc.) complete with rambling video titles that aren’t “titles” so much as they list things that happen in the video. I couldn’t fathom it even if it was worth the attempt.

Now understand this: I’m not harping on these guys solely because their idea pool has evidently run dry. This seems to be a weird way for random people to realize their silly crossover fantasies, and I say random people because the videos are generally not that well-edited or well-structured, further indicating that we aren’t dealing with creative pros here. At least not for the most part.

To be entirely fair, they do seem to at least be having fun and I don’t mean to ruin anybody’s good cosplayin’ time. I just don’t see what specifically about this warrants its place as the next big thing on YouTube. Maybe it’s just refreshing to have something sweet, dorky, and innocent in the midst of all the cruel “pranks”, the “Reactor” bullshit, and this trend where people whisper mean-spirited shit about autistic people over footage of the same boring Counter Strike mod for 100+ videos. I am naming no names, although I implore you to come back to this site in a couple days and keep your eyes out for a video I’m making.

else

You don’t fake this level of joy.

As innocent as this fad may be, consider this: here we have a growing trend that might inspire writers of fan fiction, which often consists of equally nonsensical crossovers between unrelated fictional universes (only with more gay sex), to move their type of content to another platform. What I’m saying is: if you think it’s bad now, just wait until the fanfic writers get their hands on their own passable Elsa costumes and start broadcasting their Cumberbatch wet dreams to the rest of us in video form as opposed to text. I think we’re only seeing the spark, my friends. The inferno is next.


 

So until YouTube becomes the new FanFic.Net, take care always know where your towel is!

Advertisements