I regret not asking him why he's trying to loose weight when he believes in intelligent design.

I regret not asking him why he’s trying to lose weight when he believes in intelligent design.

In all seriousness, though: Yeah, you show those idiots at Starbucks, Josh. Tell them how a holiday that isn’t yours to dictate is meant to be celebrated. Show them how tricking the employees to write “Merry Christmas” on cups that you still paid for is much more effective than boycotting them. Teach them that it’s really the Christians who own a holiday that they originally ripped off from Pagan traditions and slapped Jesus’ name onto just because mouth-breathing little dipfucks like you start crying like mentally constipated manchildren as soon as something isn’t about your precious hippie zombie. Boo-hoo, guys! Merry fucking Christmas and also hail Santa.

So there you have it folks; Joshua Feuerstein, always making sure that video makers and satirical writers (even those of us who mainly do it as a hobby) will forever have something to write/joke about, since the stuff we say ironically and for comedic effect is always going to be the stuff he says on his Facebook page without so much as the faintest shred of irony or even basic self-awareness. To celebrate the golden material that clowns such as this will everlastingly provide us with, here are some videos in which I make fun of the exact type of moronic bullshit Joshua is famous for:

First, let’s do the gay marriage one:

And now (because, again, it’s still relevant thanks to good ol’ Josh Fuckface) here’s my video from last year about the war on Christmas:

As a bonus, here are a few more people who are probably thankful that you are the way that you are:

And if you read this, Josh, please know that I am being wholeheartedly sincere about this. Please, for the love of Vishnu, Zeus, and all other gods that are about as likely to actually exist as yours: never change. I mean that. Don’t learn anything. Don’t broaden your mind. Don’t take in the facts that you don’t wanna hear or the counter-arguments/reasoning that would change the mind of anyone with a higher intelligence quotient than a sea sponge. Just… stick with your Christian ways and don’t change as a person. It’s gonna be much easier for those of us who are trying to keep our satire fresh and relevant.

So thank you. Again. Happy Yuletide (the name of the Pagan holiday that celebrates the winter solstice and was never about Jesus) and happy new 2016.

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