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O B L I G A T O R Y    H A T E    M A I L    #16


Ever since I first wrote about a certain YouTube gamer, I have been receiving the most hilarious messages on my blog. I’m long overdue for some more PewDiePie-related hate mail and feeling tired of the illiterate kids I usually need to tackle, I decided to give an honorable mention to this one dude who showed up in 2014 to review my old as shit Pewdie article like he thought he was writing a fucking school essay:

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Aconite

Disregarding the blogger’s obsession with artificial fallacies – often applied erroneously anyway – and an insistence their enlightened ‘logic’ exalts their opinions into an arrogantly superior position to contempt others’, I must say the big picture is missed on his popularity, which does require a more analytical, holistic perspective. The reasons are his charisma (perpetually happy, expressive), sincerity (disingenuous or not), attractiveness (superficial as any field emphasizing presentation), marketing (integral to loyalty/persuasion) and acted enthusiasm, all possibly contrived but nevertheless appealing. There’s the fact, too, he’s comforting, positive and open to people who’re either lonely or depressed (correlation to angsty teenager demographic!?!?!) – occasionally even simply energetic to enhance others’ happiness during negative times.

However, I acknowledge certain criticisms, mainly his humour lacking depth (how academic). Nevertheless, I feel his persistence with humour, and the vast content available, compensates for these faults and I am not exactly inclined to believe “OHMGODZ, OVERRATED” or “OMHGODZ, LOW CULTURE” from whatever psychological compulsion compels someone to be harshly critical over such triviality as pop culture– almost fulfilling a similar agenda– if not for attention, hits…….

Oh shit, you got me!

You win.

By the way, PewDiePie is cheap, I agree, but he’s amusing. Additionally – certainly not incidentally – he’s seemingly a nice person who has charm, developing a bond with the viewer as any competent presenter does.

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Okay, so this is gonna have to be another sentence-by-sentence response, which is something I hate to do but, hey, hatred is allegedly that which fuels my everyday life so here goes.

“Disregarding the blogger’s obsession with artificial fallacies – often applied erroneously anyway –”

Oh wow. I’m just gonna post a link to this video before proceeding.

Right off the bat: where are the examples? For seeming like such a good school kid, you sure do leave out a pretty important part of your essay. And even if I assume that you’re talking about the ad populum fallacy, how am I being “erroneous” in applying it to dumbshits who think popular equals good? Hand in a revised paper next week, Mr. McFly.

“and an insistence their enlightened ‘logic’ exalts their opinions into an arrogantly superior position to contempt others’, I must say the big picture is missed on his popularity, which does require a more analytical, holistic perspective.”

Is that what I was doing the whole time? Huh, okay. If you say so, Assonite. Do tell, what’s this analytical perspective you have on why PewDiePie is, and possibly by extension deserves to be so popular?

“The reasons are his charisma (perpetually happy, expressive), sincerity (disingenuous or not), attractiveness (superficial as any field emphasizing presentation), marketing (integral to loyalty/persuasion) and acted enthusiasm, all possibly contrived but nevertheless appealing.”

And with those same skillful analytical powers, you can also make sure that this is a universal appeal and not just a gimmick that gets old for those with more evolved tastes, right? Some of your points do explain why OTHERS would fall for it, namely demographics that are vast and impressionable enough to make lazy shit profitable, but does it really close the case and justify Pew’s ascension to YouTube godhood and being regarded as the funniest motherfucker of all time? Again Mr. McFly, your paper is in need of updates. See me after class.

Also, I absolutely love how you bring up sincerity and add “disingenuous or not” in parentheses right after. So you’re saying his sincerity is a pro even though it’s sometimes… not sincerity? Interesting. Remember, kids: if someone calls you an honest person it could also be because you’re not being honest.

And you thought using a bunch of extra words would make you sound smart.

“There’s the fact, too, he’s comforting, positive and open to people who’re either lonely or depressed (correlation to angsty teenager demographic!?!?!) – occasionally even simply energetic to enhance others’ happiness during negative times.”

Well, yeah. Sure he is! Again, I’m not trying to take anything away from anyone. If you like PewDiePie, you like PewDiePie. Same thing with Kentucky Fried Chicken. If you like it, you like it. It doesn’t mean you’re eating gourmet steak or something healthy. Yes, we eat junk sometimes. We’re all guilty. Big fucking deal. Just don’t pretend that it’s great in terms of neither health nor quality. I don’t think McDonald’s deserves to be the king of food anymore than PewDiePie deserves king of the web, contrary to fanboy belief of course.

Relevant (not because of the fast food analogy but because the image mirrors the typical YouTuber writing session).

Relevant (not because of the fast food analogy but because the image mirrors a typical YouTuber’s writing session).

“However, I acknowledge certain criticisms, mainly his humour lacking depth (how academic).”

Did he mean that, guys? I don’t think he meant that. I think he was being orgasmic.

“Nevertheless, I feel his persistence with humour, and the vast content available, compensates for these faults”

A persistence with humour and vast content matters only if said humour and content is any good, my friend.

“and I am not exactly inclined to believe “OHMGODZ, OVERRATED” or “OMHGODZ, LOW CULTURE””

You’re bound not to when you strawman and simplify it like that, no. Well observed.

“whatever psychological compulsion compels someone to be harshly critical over such triviality as pop culture– almost fulfilling a similar agenda– if not for attention, hits……. Oh shit, you got me! You win.”

God almighty, not a lot going on up in there, is there? First of all: being critical of pop culture – y’know, that thing that’s what we as a species consume and make popular, which is worth being critical about as the stuff that gets made is progressively dumbed down along with what we implicitly start demanding – is not a new thing. It’s a thing people do and there’s nothing particularly wrong with doing it.

But that’s not even the best part of your reply. The best part is where you asserted that there are a grand total of two potential reasons why I wrote the PewDiePie article: getting hits and/or getting attention.

I can just picture it in my head right now: you sitting at your computer while your brain works overtime trying to conceive of scientifically feasible reasons as to why I would write down my personal thoughts on PewDiePie on my personal blog. After what I’m sure was hours upon hours of pondering, you ultimately came up with two scenarios: I wrote it because I wanted either hits (totally irrelevant since my blog is, in fact, not monetized) or attention.

If you can write my PewDiePie article off as an attempt to get attention that fucking easily, why don’t we try and see if it makes sense when we apply it to equally angry pieces of mine?:

  • Titanic: The Legend Goes On Review: Yeah, this looks like a candidate. After all, I am being both critical and harsh here, so using the logic we’ve seen on display thus far we can probably conclude that I wrote this post just to get a ruse out of people who really liked the Italian cartoon rip-off of Titanic.
  • Jupiter Ascending Review: While I did post the review when the film was new, I don’t think anyone expected it to be remembered. Yet I still chose to write down the multiple thoughts I had on that trainwreck. It’s almost as if I had those exact thoughts and chose to write them down due to the will to do so.
  • Why making your politics a part of your identity makes you a weaker thinker: Yes! Everyone on the Internet cares about my history with some chubby Twitter feminist from Sweden. This is one of my longest posts too so oh boy, I really must’ve wanted the attention that the aforementioned subject matter was sure to give me. I just cash in on the greatest things.
  • Spaceballs: The Animated Series Review (TV): Remember the animated version of Spaceballs? No? Well that’s too bad, because I blogged about it just to get hits and not because I randomly felt like talking about it.
  • This very Hate Mail episode: Um…

Most of my posts that get hits usually become popular by accident. I never know for sure when something is gonna give me actual views. I don’t much care either. I just do things. Okay? Okay.

Oh and the principal will see you now, Mr. McFly.


I wrote at the top that this episode would feature only 1 piece of hate mail, but since I recall receiving an equally “wannabe-intelligent” comeback around the same time as Aconite’s, I decided to add this little gem as a bonus:

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Wenn

Before I begin, I would like to say that this comment is not about the “amazingness” of Pewdiepie, it is about the rudeness of your writing. I personally, do not watch Pewdiepie. I am not a gamer and I have no interest in watching. The difference between my choice and your choice however, is that I don’t choose to abhor Pewdiepie. I don’t choose to write vitriolic comments about him, and I don’t choose to degrade those who watch him. Why? Because he did nothing to me. There is no grudge, no semblance of anger towards him from me. He did nothing wrong. Did he state that he was video taping a review that followed your specific specifications? No, you just created specifications based on how you perceived the video. Did he ask you to comment and degrade his attempts at jokes? No, you only degrade it because it “bothers you”. If he is so much lesser than you, why do you have to take the time out to talk about such calumny? Why do you have to make the generalization that the bro army is sophomoric? Before you claim you didn’t, it was implied. You may review Pewdiepie in a sophisticated tone of voice, however the childlike hatred destroys all credibility you have. Bottom line is, Pewdiepie has 28 million fans who adore him while you are an anathema, sitting in the corner, being spiteful.

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Hey thanks for the insight Wenn. If you don’t like that I write some of my criticisms in a caustic and exaggerated manner, that’s fine by me. What’s not fine is that you seem to think that whether or not someone asks to be criticized should have any bearing on whether or not they DO. I didn’t ask for your opinion on an article I wrote in the summer of 2012 either, but I’m not gonna act as if that somehow disqualified you from spending a portion of your existence sharing it. This also the reason I write about him even though I think he’s “much lesser than me” (false, by the way): I run a blog about criticism, positive and negative alike. Pretty sure George Lucas didn’t ask me to talk shit about the Star Wars prequels either.

But it depends on what you mean by

But it depends on what you mean by “asking for it”, I guess.

Also, no, I am under no impression that PewDiePie ever intended to make legitimate game reviews. I was merely using those as an example as to how to make better videos, not that he ever would attempt it so long as his current shtick makes him bundles, but that’s a different story.

Oh and thanks for stopping me from trying to get away with my apparent implication that all Bros are “sophomoric”. Contrary to how I’m guessing you perceive things, though, I know they aren’t all easily angered crybabies, but they “aren’t all like that” in the same way that “not all men are sexist”. Yes, we know, but the rep exists for a reason and women are still going to be afraid of walking alone at night no matter how many men tell them that they aren’t all like the men that they’re afraid to encounter. Similarly, I know that not every Bro is an over-emotional idiot, but many of them are and they have become a trademark of the PewDiePie fandom. If men don’t want to be feared for being potential rapists, we need to get rid of rape; not the women who are afraid that any of them could be a rapist. So what should the Bros do? Keep whining about mean dummies like me or learn how to keep their peers in check?

“Bottom line is, Pewdiepie has 28 million fans who adore him while you are an anathema, sitting in the corner, being spiteful.”

If I pretend like that matters to me or anyone else, will you promise me that you will not only never talk to me again but also sterilize yourself? I’ll take that bit of nothing as a yes. Buh-bye now, folks. Remember: Hitler had millions of followers, Anne Frank just sat in her attic writing a stupid diary.

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