O B L I G A T O R Y    H A T E    M A I L    #15

Hi guys and welcome to another episode of Hate Mail. Today I’m going to start with looking at a comment posted by Anonymous (a user, not the group with the silly masks) on one of my Onision articles. He or she writes:


»______________________________________________________________________________________ «


June 25, 2015 at 11:09 am

I love how ur oblivious to the fact he was probably joking.
He doesn’t even make advice videos lol. He gives advice, but he’s a comedian.

»______________________________________________________________________________________ «

It’s always so adorable when Onision’s fanboys mobilize to his defense just to parrot his “I was just joking” excuse.

I have a fairly straightforward question to you, Anonymous (and I use the term “anonymous” loosely since I know what your IP Address is): if Onision doesn’t make advice videos, why does he have so many advice videos? Or to elaborate some more: if he really “doesn’t make advice videos”, why then does he, as you say, GIVE advice? That is, give advice in his videos, kinda-sorta MAKING them “advice videos”? Yeah, pretty simple question, right? I’ll see if you can work something out.

The problem, of course, is that Onision only thinks his advice is useful because a handful of people, who probably didn’t have real issues to begin with, have hit him up on Tumblr to tell him that his ignorant and just plain non-researched comments on how self-harm and depression work have magically made them feel better. Hence Onision will continue to disregard the fact that there are still people out there who might actually feel worse when he does shit like bring up the kids in Africa or whatever bullshit he does when he “helps people”. Yes you botched abortion, they KNOW that there are people out there who have it worse, and reminding them of that might make them feel even shittier about how much they can’t help feeling the way they feel.

And again, none of these effects are excused when you or your mouth-breathing fanboys hand-wave it by saying “it’s just comedy”. You can’t do that horse shit while simultaneously pretending that you care about helping anyone, when the effect it has on the way many people (e.g. your fans) view/understand depression does the exact opposite of helping.

Again: not every cutter announces it to the world, their cries for attention aren't always invalid, and beind suicidal doesn't mean you INSTANTLY kill yourself. Like, it's so fucking simple.

Again: not every cutter announces it to the world, their cries for attention aren’t always invalid, and being legitimately suicidal doesn’t guarantee you INSTANTLY kill yourself. Why does a grown man need this explained to him?

I support the idea that you should be able to joke about anything, but it works better if you’re doing it for some actual, useful purpose like making a statement in a satirical fashion, and that doesn’t work if we can see through the comedy that you don’t actually understand the subjects you’re tackling. Viewers will be able to tell that there’s more to it than you just trying to be edgy (even if that’s part of it) and that you’re really trying to “make people understand” something – something that isn’t actually right.

Luckily for Onision, literally all of his subscribers were thrown on the floor as children, so they will still eat up his comedy as though it’s not only legitimately funny but also, you guessed it, the “truth” – no matter how obviously wrong it all is. And no, they never consider otherwise, as that would require critical thinking far too advanced (so, basic) for them not to have their pwecious image of their pwecious idol destroyed. Stop being such haters, guys! Gosh!

I haven’t met one single Onision fan who thinks critically about what he says, or his opponents for that matter, instead of just blindly labelling whatever bullshit makes them feel more comfortable about being idiots as “legit”, “honest” or the “truth”; mainly if it comes from Onision himself since that’s why they worship his ass in the first place. It’s too bad you’re you, Anonymous, because I would have loved to finally have been proven wrong in my assumptions about what kind of people subscribe to this guy.

And yet something tells me that proof will never come.

And yet something tells me that proof will never come.

You want to be sure that someone has never been depressed? I know how you can tell instantly. It’s not in the way they reach out for attention, it’s not the self-harming, and it’s not the fact that they aren’t as poor or homeless as people in Africa. Rather, it’s the way they talk about depression. If you see or hear someone say the same kind of shit Onision has to say about depressed/suicidal people, while also claiming to know what they’re talking about because they themselves were depressed once, you know who to REALLY call out on not actually understanding what it’s like to suffer.

I realize that this suddenly got kinda bleak so here’s a guy who uses a shitty emoticon as his username:


»______________________________________________________________________________________ «

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I happen to have an I.Q. of six.

»______________________________________________________________________________________ «

This one was also posted on one of my Onision articles. I don’t think this is either a coincidence, a lie, nor a succesfully executed joke. I don’t think anything. I have given up thought. Excuse me while I go subscribe to Onision.


»______________________________________________________________________________________ «


So.. by talking about lebanese pages and calling lebanon a fu***** country , you will be criticizing and making a great point in a topic no one cares about because it has no point.. umm great job . I believe you just want any topic to make your witty comments and spread your hatred

»______________________________________________________________________________________ «

This comment was written with regards to my article about Virgin Radio Lebanon and other shitty meme pages that trendy dolts on Facebook like. The point I was essentially making, which apparently flew graciously over Alaa’s head, was that there’s no sensical reason for Lebanese radio pages to be more popular meme pages than other, equally inane pages just like them.

That’s real interesting because, speaking of points, which one are you, Alaa, trying to make about my description of Lebanon (i.e. calling it a “fucking country”). Are you making the point that Lebanon is in fact NOT a country or that I am cursing too much for no reason? And also, mostly because your comment is so flimsily written, I’m not sure how to argue with your criticism that “nobody cares” since I’m not sure if you’re trying to say that no one cares about (A) the topic of annoying meme pages or (B) the point I’m making about it, even though I felt like my article is mostly questioning WHY this redundant been-done bullshit is suddenly THIS unavoidably and annoyingly popular.

And sure, I’m always ready with a handful of commentary whenever some stupid new trend emerges. That doesn’t mean I actively seek out things to write about just for the sake of being hateful alone, which is what I believe you’re trying to accuse me of. The fact is that these are my thoughts and I only share them when I really feel like I’ve got something to say.


»______________________________________________________________________________________ «

I don’t want you to know that

I must disagree with your viewpoint that “if there’s one thing I know about vegetarians, it is that they love to preach.” And “[they] attach posters on every wall you can find and stand around waving banners on every available town square” Excuse me for my reading of: all vegetarians shout in everyone’s faces about how wrong it is to eat meat.

I have never once, not even ONCE, seen any vegetarians try to wave any banners, or tell anyone they are wrong for eating meat. My dad, who is practically borderline vegan (no meat or fish whatsoever, hardly eats eggs and doesn’t drink milk) helps me burn livers for a science project. My sister is practically a carnivore and he doesn’t care about our choices because they are OUR choices he doesn’t think we are “ ‘evil’ for eating meat”. So shut up of your idiotic blabbing about the untruthful and actually open your eyes. One Omnivore to another: Shut the fuck up about vegetarians being so called “whiny”, “Loathsome” and “Bigoted”.

And after that you actually have the AUDACITY to say “I don’t hate vegetarians.” Because really? After all those insults? Is that “respect with all [your] heart.” Sure, go lie to some other fool. You are the prejudiced, preaching, bigoted and disrespectful person who makes my stomach turn. But ignore me, I’m obviously the brainwashed daughter of a vegetarian.

»______________________________________________________________________________________ «

I do excuse you for reading it as “all vegetarians” as opposed to “too many”, because it’s very common that people confuse my comments on the extremists of a certain group (such as vegetarians who either support PETA or are otherwise loud and obnoxious dipshits) with comments on the whole of that group (vegetarians in general).

It’s nice to hear, also, that your “practically borderline vegan” father doesn’t think you or your sister are morally irredeemable for choosing to eat meat. I’m happy for your sake, but just because you haven’t encountered these idiots, that doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

For some reason, this one stuck out to me as extra funny when I was doing a Google Image search for examples.

For some reason, this one stuck out to me as extra funny when I was doing a Google Image search for examples.

People who don’t eat meat love telling everyone else about how much better they are for picking “healthier options” (which is often later proved to be bullshit in different studies), “not killing animals” (even though eating the meat is not the same as killing the animal and animals already kill each other left and right), “caring about the environment” (but only to an extent; otherwise they’d stop driving cars, using paper and buying cosmetics made from materials found in now leveled rainforests), and “understand human biology better” (in that they believe that true meat-eaters can eat meat raw, like lions, even though they still cook their potatoes and convert their grain into bread like everyone else).

These self-fellating morons exist around every goddamn corner, and if you don’t believe me, well, like I said: I’m happy for you! But if you need an example, I’ll gladly refer you back to Onision above, who consistently fellates himself over his diet choices so much that you’ll swear to Satan that all those chuckling fits he has whenever he’s trying to be smug and funny are really him choking on his own cum. At least it’s not beef, eh Greg?

Lastly you claim that you find it utterly disgusting how I could end my supposed hate article against vegetarians with the statement that “I don’t hate vegetarians” and that “I respect them with all my heart”, then saying that I shouldn’t be allowed to say that since I’ve been so harsh towards them.

The article this comment was posted on is Nature? Ego? Whatever! – I Still Want My Filet Mignon, and the part she’s referring to is this:

Also, before anyone starts sending angry responses to this post, keep in mind that I don’t hate vegetarians. Quite the contrary! I respect them with all my heart. I mean, they leave so much great food for the rest of us to enjoy that it totally makes up for hearing them preach about how revolting and evil we are.

Yeah, turns out it was leading into another snide remark against vegetarians. It’s called a back-handed compliment, lady. I thought it was a funny joke to end the article on at the time. Oh and here’s a quick sidenote: I only used words like “bigoted” to make fun of the kind of crap that vegans would say and turn their horse shit arguments back onto them. So all-in-all, that’s two (2) jokes that you missed completely! Bravo, lady Vegansdaughter!

But even if we set that last joke aside for a bit, the point still stands that I don’t hate all vegetarians. I only hate the ones that do engage in all this heinous bullshit and sanctimonious whining, and me using terms like that to describe the extremists doesn’t mean I can’t proclaim that I don’t hate all vegetarians, as a lead-in for a joke or not.

All the same, I’d like to shift the task to “actually open [my] eyes” onto you since doing that might help your recognizing the existence of these idiots. Also, sorry I didn’t ignore you because you’re “the brainwashed daughter of a vegetarian” and instead gave you some perspective that might make you less brainwashed (I don’t actually think you are; I guess I should explicitly point that out).

And yes, I do indeed respect the vegetarians that respect me in return, and no, I don’t only do it because they leave so much meat for the rest of us.


Now, this final one isn’t actually hate mail, but rather a throwback to that time some website mailed me about working for them as a film critic. Their offer? Exposure! Ah yes, my favorite currency to get paid in.

»______________________________________________________________________________________ «


I’m done with this for now. I need to go cook up a mean steak out of spite and feel good about what a genius I am. Until next time, kiss my ass!