There’s a reason jokes sometimes make people cringe. They’re predictable and have already been done before to the extent that you want to strangle anyone who so much as talks about the subject matter of the joke ever again, comically or not. At least that’s one of the most common reasons, other ones being that the person’s “joke” is just a depthless reference to 9/11 disguised as “edgy” humor or that it has any semblance of a relation to My Little Pony and why feminists are evil. Either or.

I felt like not doing anything useful today so here’s a petty and insignificant rant about some really trite types of jokes that I hate. Sounds fun, right? No? Don’t care.

1. Deliberately Nonsensical Math Problems

math 4

You don’t like math. Yes. Okay. We get it. That’s totally fine (even if I’ve previously supported statements that people who find math completely useless are full of shit). What’s not fine, however, is the way you idiots have run the only math-related joke you seem to know/understand into the ground and are still using it despite that.

The premise of the joke is this: sometimes math problems don’t make sense. Or rather, sometimes people are too stupid to understand complex questions in math books. Either way, the joke typically consists of a long, meandering math problem that eventually gets so absurd that it stops being about math (often also violating the rule that randomness =/= funny), something that has to be commonplace in a LOT of school books in order for this shitty bit to get so persistently overused. I sure haven’t encountered problems quite this outlandish, but maybe that’s because I’m too much of a slob to pick a uni education that actually involves math.

Here’s a few examples I found without even looking hard:

math 1

math 2

math 3

That last one was posted on the Mirror news website under a headline entitled “This hilarious note posted on a maths teacher’s door will have you nodding in agreement“. Yes, in the year 2014, this stupid, played-out routine was still clever enough to get classified as “hilarious”, let alone “funny”, by a fricking news website! “NEWS” WEBSITE!

But holy shit, that’s not even the worst part. The worst part is that I originally found the picture on Facebook, in a post created THIS year, signifying that people in 2015 are, somehow, miraculously, STILL not over it!


2. Saying Benedict Cumberbatch’s Name Wrong


Get it? It’s like Benedict Cumberbatch but with a bunch of syllables replaced! Ha ha ha! Golly!

benI usually call this template the “Vaguely British-sounding Gibberish Routine” because let’s be honest, there really isn’t that much more to these jokes than that. Also, according to the above image, Benedict Cumberbatch’s name is Benedict Cunningscratch. Good try.

Oh and here’s a little sidenote: it was said by Neil Patrick Harris at the Oscars this year that “Benedict Cumberbatch” is also what Ben Affleck’s name sounds like if you ask John Travolta to pronounce it. Not true either:

Try it yourself.

Try it yourself, (preferably with Cumberbatch’s name too since that’s all you guys are basically doing with this lazy “gag” of yours).

But now I’m the one pulling out old jokes and we’re not here to celebrate harmless fun. We’re here to shit all over it. Next example:

3. Anything Related To The Movie Frozen


Boy, for a fandom that likes to repeat the phrase “Let It Go” a lot, they sure are having a hard time dropping all their forced and usually unfunny references to a movie that came out almost two years ago. Look, I like the movie and the fact that we by extension live in a world where you can play as Queen Elsa in GTA IV, but I really don’t need more of your stupid “Build A Snowman” parodies or gifs of Elsa squirting pizzas out of her fingers.

Did my pun on “Let It Go” up there feel unoriginal, by the way? That’s probably because I shamelessly stole it from a Frozen fan on Tumblr:

Joke's on you. By

Joke’s on you, pal! By “ice movie” he actually meant ‘Batman & Robin’.

It has literally gotten to the point where they use their trite, overused references to make fun of themselves for using them. This is a whole new level of meta.

4. Making Fun Of Other People’s Sense Of Humor

Alright now this is even more m… I… Ju… Wait.

5. Hypocritical Comedy

Aaand we’re out of time. Sorry, folks. Thanks for reading, and don’t forget to not come back.