I don't forgive you, Facebook.

I don’t forgive you, Facebook.

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There is apparently a new protocol on Facebook right now to assign the official pages of Lebanese radio stations with the task of providing teenaged users with their daily dose of “funny” and “relatable” content – usually of the kind that has no actual humour or thought behind it. So in other words: perfectly normal Facebook page posts.

As of this article, this outright random phenomenon has reached a point in its inexplicable popularity where you can’t spend two consecutive seconds on Facebook without seeing another inane “white girl problems” type photo meme, only this time it’s been shared from the official page of “Virgin Radio Lebanon”. And oh my God, if you thought all the celebrity impersonators and users with misleading titles that do the same useless crap on Twitter  were bad… well, you’re right. But that’s not important right now.

If you were to ask me where this fad came from, why it exists or even why half of these posts are funny enough to warrant viral spread in the first place, my guess would be as shitty as yours. I mean, I know why people convert their Facebook pages into ‘insipid meme’ dispensers in general. It’s to pander to the easily impressionable and earn money via clicks from people who will put their cursor on anything as long as it involves cats, pretentious quotes about everyday life, or hot men.

You know the ones. They’re called “ghetto preps” in the States and “teeny boppers” in Australia. In Sweden, however, we call them “food for the white walkers”.

“‘Like if you love Zayn Malik?’ Blimey, this is too white even for me.”

But the big question remains: WHY, out of all these pages that share the exact same caliber of shit, have pages like Radio One Lebanon and Virgin Radio Lebanon exploded into such hopeless unavoidability? What is it about these two supposed radio stations that make people wanna share their unoriginal content the most? Is it because they update the most frequently? Is it because they’ve figured out the formula for making these type of idiots laugh the most accurately? Or did it just sorta happen for no reason like jeans with holes in ’em?

What I do know is this: This isn’t the first time a Facebook page has fished for popularity by sharing content with no discernible relation to its actual title. It works like a charm too, because look what happens, for instance, when the page “Radio One Lebanon” shares a post that actually has something to do with, well, Radio One Lebanon.cringe 2

Note the number of likes and shares. Now, look what happens when the same page shares a post about texting with thirsty white boys eww lol:

Bonus points for referring to males as a

Bonus points for referring to males as a “species”.

Oh, and let’s do one more in case anyone’s truly still wondering what type of person is apparently in charge of this page by now:

Good post, but it needs more spelling errors and pointless emojis.

Wow good post, ROL, but it needs more spelling errors and pointless emojis.

Know what all this bullshit instantly makes me think of? That one time Maddox published his rant on people who like the page “I fucking love science” even though they’re clearly only interested in the stupid memes and jokes as opposed to the actual science. He even made a comparison in the popularity of individual posts like I’ve done above, like so:science 1 science 2

“Any time I see people on Facebook simultaneously liking iCarly, One Direction and The Pauly D Project while also liking fucking loving science, it raises some red flags… No you fucking don’t.”

Maddox

You took the point home, Maddox, but at least the ‘science’ page is making frequent attempts to SEEM scientific when posting its silly jokes and images. With the Radio Lebanon pages, there’s no subtlety as to whom the posts are really made for and, as a possible stupidity bonus, by whom the page is currently run.

After all, when you think Radio One Lebanon, what exactly do you picture? Is it (A) music and podcasts on some random radio station in a fucking country in West Asia or (B) tween girls and groupies venting their exaggerated frustration over such subjects as messy hair, expensive clothes, clingy boys, and clingy boys that aren’t as conventionally attractive as any given One Direction member? My guess: you chose B. Because you know that what little interest that page might have once had in the actual Radio One Lebanon station has long since been expunged to make room for more tween pandering and WeHeartIt crap that everyone in your Facebook friend list likes and shares and probably prints out to put on their wall next to a poster of Edward Cullen. You know it because, well, that’s probably how you even fucking heard of the page in the first place!

I can understand the will to use impressionable teens like this for your personal gain. Most rich Hollywood directors and popular YouTubers use the same type of idiots to get the fame they have, but in order to achieve that fame and maintain it, you have to stoop to their level and stay there. Once you’ve created and/or stolen your first “I just wanna cuddle and watch High School Musical #ZacEfronBae” post, there’s no going back. No matter how much you miss running a Facebook page about Lebanese entertainment.

To quote a great man, “I’m not saying that if you like this you’re stupid, but it definitely tries hard to be stupid-inclusive”. Go ahead and like your trendy pages; it’s your choice. I’ve made mine and said fuck this shit.

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That’s all for now. Always know where your towel is!

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