An unintentional tween stereotype shared the following image on Twitter…

 I don't know what Tumblr post this is stolen from, so I couldn't source it if I wanted to.

I don’t know what Tumblr post (or show) this is stolen from, so I couldn’t source it if I wanted to.

…to which I tactfully responded:

As of this Tweet, I have failed. I have utterly failed, folks. A long while back, I swore an oath to stay away from Miley Cyrus. After transforming into the insane twerker we’ve all made fun of today, she went on record saying she was still happy because she was still getting attention, even if most of it was negative and mocking, and that’s when I made my final declaration. I decided: you know what, fuck that shit, I’m not even gonna give her THAT satisfaction. Now, I must.

While I’m not gonna specifically talk about Miley Cyrus today, it was the post above that inspired me to write this article. According to the captions, Miley not only implies that she’s as good as Elvis Presley, but also acts as if her performance at the VMA’s is exactly the same thing as some of Presley’s numbers, even if she herself points out why it isn’t the fucking same thing! She says herself that Presley was never dressed the same way she was, and although this implies she’s probably caught on that wearing a nice white suit makes you look slightly more dignified and classy than doing a Cynthia the Doll cosplay while dry-fucking a styrofoam finger, it is much easier to point fingers and say “FUCK YOU, you only say that because I’m female”.

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You can’t make a comment about any music video that features an excessive amount of scantily clad women, provided a woman has made it, without being called sexist by at least someone. There’ll always be that one asshole at your disposal to point out things like: ooh, Beyoncé and Minaj are shaking their arses to empower women; ooh, Katy Perry and Lana Del Rey dress scantily to empower women; ooh, Rihanna’s wearing a gown that barely covers inches of her body to empower women. Okay! We know! We know because PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE IS DOING IT!

This whole “female empowerment” thing has effectively stopped feeling like serious intent and now feels more like an excuse these people use to wear less clothes. And I don’t care how much clothes you wear. If I did, I would also hate on nudists, which I’m pretty sure I’m not guilty of. Nudists are at least casual about what they do and don’t deliberately try to direct so much attention towards their own comfort with their own bodies that it starts feeling more like a publicity stunt than a fucking statement on sexism.

Even if finding stunts like these obnoxious and annoying is merely a subjective opinion on my part, the fact remains that using your own naked body to speak out against sexism is enough of a cliché that the public has pretty much stopped giving a shit. That’s why I never heard about Kiera Knightley’s topless photos until Maddox joked about them on his Twitter:

The point is that you guys are too late. Using the female body to “empower” used to be cool and provocative but if you try that shit now you’ll just be one of many. Besides, the fact that people seem to stop caring about seeing nude women everywhere could of course be a sign that it’s working, at least in terms of making people accept the naked female body, but sexism is still far from dead so, in a rational world, this’d be the time to move on to a different phase. But what do I know? After all, I’m racist, sexist and afraid of mice.

Now I’m gonna go loop Emma Watson’s awesome United Nations speech on feminism for six hours. You guys keep flashing your tits and jiggling your ass fat in the meantime. Who cares? I don’t care. In fact, I care so little that I didn’t even write this post. This was all in your head. Get yourself checked, nutjob.

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