Twitter Accounts That Operate Like Facebook Pages
– A Modern Trend

If you haven’t been online recently, you won’t have noticed the increasing popularity of creating Twitter accounts that are similar to “Like”-pages on Facebook. Instead of representing a person, these accounts just provide a catchy title and a promise to younger users for an endless supply of funny content, “relatable” posts, and tired memes. This will often include shallow statements on such subjects as sex and relationships and other phylums of vapid bullshit that will render teenagers worldwide blindly obsessed with retweeting their inane material, even if they post content that has nothing to do with the title of their account, steal quotes, or impersonate celebrities. Trust a Twitter user; this shit is EVERYWHERE!

Being as I understand how teenagers work (an ability I take scarce pride in), I won’t say I’m shocked. I will say, however, that I am amused at how easy they evidently are to pander towards. They will retweet content from “Twitter Pages” in a heartbeat, as if their stuff really is deep, funny or original. Here’s a recent one I came across:

Will spith

Okay, first of all, that’s not the real Will Smith. I have found three different “Will Smith” pages that all use the same image as their avatar. Why? Are you guys competing for who can be the obviously fake Will Smith account with the most followers? What would you even gain from winning? A “Welcome To Earf” T-shirt?

Secondly, that quote sounds a lot less deep if you’ve seen Casablanca and know how it originally goes. Apart from this, though, most of the fake Will Smiths I’ve encountered just post the same unfunny memes and “relatable teen” crap that other Twitter pages upload. What’s the point of impersonating a celebrity if all you’re gonna do is gain followers by milking jokes and screencapping Tumblr posts? I don’t know what you’re hoping for but you’re not gonna make anyone believe that Will Smith has enough time on his hands to run a Twitter that makes him seem like a less funny George Takei!

Yes, I know that some of these accounts are identified as “parody accounts” in their descriptions, but how does this qualify as “parody”? You’re not “parodying” Will Smith, you’re posting WeHeartIt pics from an account with his name on it. Another account worth pointing out is FAT AMY, or @RelatableQuote:

fat gamy

Now okay, at least this one’s being honest by having the account name “Relatable Quotes”. This way you know you’re in for something that will pander to the fabled “white girl” species. Posts about “hot guys”, posts about school, posts about relationships; you know, the kind of trivial shit they normally whine about. But if you’re hoping for it to follow through on its statement that it’s a parody account, supposedly of Fat Amy from Pitch Perfect, you’re out of luck because such promises are not to be kept. Not when you’re on Twitter.

omg guys it's accurate

omg guys it’s so accurate

I mentioned above that these uploads seem designed to appeal to white teenage girls, and it sure as hell seems true. White girls typically have certain tastes; that’s not a superficial thing to acknowledge. Everyone on the Internet has already joked about the many silly archetypes that white girls and boys have created, so I can probably join the party without too much backlash. At least I’m not joking about people who are, gasp, NOT white.

I don’t know why, but white teens really do seem to be the group that falls for these shticks the most frequently. I guess it’s no wonder one of the genders within said group got a whole fucking Twitter account dedicated to their lives and pseudo-struggles:

white boys

Oh no, wait. Here they are:

 I especially like the one that uses a Cinderella thumbnail. Yeah, that one!

I especially like the one that uses a Cinderella thumbnail. Yeah, that one!

But nevermind the inexplicable quantity. Let’s take a closer look at a random one of these. These pages are at least blunt about their purpose and who they aim to please, so surely they’re exactly what you’d expect? Well, I don’t know about you but…

Twite girl

…I don’t particularly see what this one has to do with being a “common white girl”, as the username puts it. Let me guess? Even when you’re honest about what demographic you’re trying to fish likes and retweets from, you’re still just gonna post random crap? Probably true, because here’s an upload I found on a Twitter page called “Sexual Gifs”:

so sexi

What is it about this that warrants its place on a page for “sexual gifs”? How is it sexual? Or better yet: how is it a gif? The file extension is .jpg and I can’t detect any movements in the image, which is usually par for the course when it comes to gifs, right? Why do you assume that people who come to your page, most probably in search of sexual gifs, want to see tweets like this in random intervals? Okay, no, there’s only one relevant question: WHY ARE THERE SO GODDAMN MANY OF THESE?

giffest

This is another instance of a Twitter account that follows in Facebook’s footsteps of creating a page, giving it one name, and then posting content that very rarely has any relation to what the page in question is supposedly dedicated to. For what it’s worth, Facebook pages are much worse, because the admins of said pages will usually discover that they can make money off of their pages, especially if they start posting links to unrelated clickbait meme websites that usually contain broken links and viruses. At least Twitter pages can’t make their admins money (yet) so I guess there’s no need (yet) for them to adapt to this pitifully desperate way of earning a little more by posting links that no one’s going to fucking click on anyway.

Want more? Here’s one called “Horny Facts”:

mind

Yeah, apparently facts can be horny, and apparently “horny facts” means tweeting about petty teen issues like every other fucking one of these goddamn Twitter pages. Awesome. Keep it up, my fellow teen idiots. At this rate, you’ll soon have infested Twitter with enough of your unoriginal bullshit to warrant the creation of an entirely new social networking website. Twitter 2.0: Teen Edition – the critics are calling it “omg so true” and “all these facts r liek sooo mindblowin”.

I could do more of these, but I don’t have time. I need to go start up a Twitter page about the problems of being a white boy so that I can publish screenshots of WeHearIt posts about sex and randomly quote Andy Warhol (without sourcing him or showing any sign that I even know who he was, of course). Au revoir!


UPDATE: Turns out I need to correct a few things about this post. I recently came across this article on Buzzfeed (yeah, imagine that, an actual article on Buzzfeed) that said that majority of these accounts are run by a specific network, comprised mostly of guys. This means that not only are accounts that claim to be Will Smith a lie, but so are accounts that make you believe that they’re run by white girls with problems. Instead it’s a bunch of men who have started thinking and writing like dumb teen girls in order to make money off of them. It’s like waking up from The Matrix.

Fucking hell

And yes, I said money. I made a mistake when saying that running Twitter pages can’t make you money. They can, and I’m really starting to wonder how many real jobs will still be left in the world 10 or so years from now.

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