I once wrote a script for a video called Chess With Onision, where a parody of Onision would try to defeat me in a game of chess by making illegal moves and eventually resorting to having a conversation with a sock puppet to supposedly tell me off once and for all. But alas, the script got destroyed when I graduated and my school computer got wiped. However, I can still bask in this guy’s unintentional hilarity the old-fashioned way. Join me!


When you hate on me you are literally giving me fame fellatio. You want to win? Ignore me, otherwise, keep working the shaft.

This is Onision’s latest way of showing his haters how above them he is. You read it from Mr. Honest himself right here, folks. If you deliberately seek out Greg’s content it’s because you wanna suck his dick, and not because (a) mocking his insipid preaching is fun, or (b) we collectively need to do society the favor of bringing wider attention to the fact that he’s a bad influence on teenagers everywhere that naïvely heed his bullshit advice as though it were good-natured rather than mean-spirited, ignorant and potentially harmful.

Sure, Greg. We’re so jealous of you and your prestigious notoriety as one of the most narcissistic morons on YouTube. Woe is me and all those who give you exactly what you (totally) want.

If you get upset at someone for telling the world exactly how things are, you shouldn’t be mad at them but rather yourself for being unable to accept reality.

“Truth!! Reality!! Facts!! Did I mention I’m honest, down to Earth and know my shit today yet??! I’m smart!! I’M SMAAAAAAAARRRRRRT!”

If everyone called each other out on their bullshit, there would be far less bullshit.

Not in your case.

You can all stop privately emailing me for advice. I am not Dr. Phil & I don’t want to deal with your first world problems.

…cried the guy who has multiple YouTube playlists worth of advice videos on various topics.

Tune in next time to hear Onision vent his sore anus on the subject of those annoying YouTube pseudo-celebrities that delude themselves into thinking that they can win an argument by dressing up in funny costumes and mimicking arguments made against in a sarcastic tone. Something tells me Greg has a huge problem with people like that. I mean after all, he did also write this little gem of Onision logic:

YouTube vloggers, put down your fucking cameras for five seconds and actually enjoy what you’re doing. Not everything needs to be shared.

Every so often, Greg’s oh so fragile cerebrum will overheat from that healthy vegetarian yumminess he feeds himself with and say shit that’ll make you believe that, in reality, he wants to be seen as a flaming hypocrite. He wants to be consistently called out on what a fantastical idiot he is. He wants to be regarded as a person who’s so stupid, so empty-headed, so extravagantly retarded that he doesn’t recognize when he’s actually describing himself, even when it’s so obvious that he might as well be yelling at a mirror. Here are some of the comments on the post:

dummy 1dummy 2 dummy 3dummy 4

I don’t need to continue. When a bunch of tween girls are less logic-impaired than a grown man in his late 20’s, I don’t need to convince you that we’re dealing with an idiocy for the fucking ages. You just need to look at the evidence and decide for yourself whether you wanna laugh, cry, or commit omnicide.

Okay, that’s enough brain bleach for one episode. I’m gonna go eat some steak and pretend that Onision knew the animal personally. That should pick me up.