shots

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Have you ever written an article that explains why one of the most popular “comedians” (sic) on YouTube has failed to do anything to convince you that their content is anything but unfunny drivel that blatantly panders to an easy demographic that doesn’t care about legitimate quality as long as it’s “so random lol xD” anyway? Has this article caused hundreds of dense fanboys/-girls to flock to your blog and try to prove how wrong you are by pulling ancient comebacks out of their sore asses and pretend as if these “arguments” haven’t already been exposed for the redundant bullshit they are? And most importantly: are you looking for a way to kill your friends during your next party because that’s what “having fun” means nowadays?

Well, sir or madame, we’ve got just the death sentence for you! It’s: The PewDiePie Fanboy Drinking Game.

We call it that because some of the comments that a certain blogger may or may not have been dealing with for 2 years (as of today), that may or may not have had something to do with an article that person wrote about a YouTuber called PewDiePie, may or may not have been chuck-full of the exact type of repetitive stupidity that we needed to invent the drinking game of the century! With that said, allow us to explain how it works:

The PewDiePie Fanboy Drinking Game

An easy how-to guide

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First of all, get some shot glasses. The number may vary depending on how many people want to be around you in spite of the fact that you’ve dared to not blindly laugh at something stupid and annoying. There is no rule as to what you put in these, but we recommend Tequila or Jägermeister.

Then you need to find the comments. Even though the PewDiePie fandom is the hallmark for this kind of shit, hence the name of the game, you can find these sort of comments just about anywhere. The Nicki Minaj fandom, the One Direction fandom, the Ray William Johnson fandom, the Onision fandom, ESPECIALLY the Justin Bieber fandom, and possibly also the Geek Maggot Bingo fandom, but we haven’t checked that last one. What’s important is that the comments are in response to any form of negative feedback directed at whatever it is the fans in question are inexplicably worshipping.

You take shots depending on which half-assed, redundant, grammatically disastrous phrases these desperate suckers use to defend their idols, often without actually arguing specific points made by the alleged hater since that’s too difficult. Here’s what you’re gonna look out for:

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  1. “You’re just jealous.”
    This is bound to come up whenever a fanboy thinks he’s got you by the balls. He has skillfully deduced the sole motivation behind your refusal to think crap isn’t crap. He knows for 100% sure that you can only hate something because you yourself aren’t as popular or worshipped as whatever it is you’re “hating on”, and will use this conclusion to his advantage no matter how much it makes him sound like a mentally deficient toddler who just lost a fight (which, let’s face it, fits the description of what most of them probably are in real life). Take 1 shot whenever you see this one.
  2. “Just don’t watch him/her/it!” (Pronouns may vary.)
    Basically, this is another one that emerges whenever the mighty fanboys sagaciously manage to figure out the “obvious”: surely, because you’ve made negative comments about someone in an article or video of your own, that must mean that all you do all day is watch that person’s content. Even though
    watching something all day is not a requirement for knowing whether or not you like it, this is still a favourite amongst fanboys and is worth 1 shot.
  3. “I’d like to see you try better” or some variation thereof.
    Pretty much any statement that implies that you’re not allowed to form an idea or opinion about an entertainer unless you’ve tried doing what they do is non-sensical and common enough to be worthy of 1 more shot. Drink up.
  4. “Seriously, dude, no one cares!”
    The insinuation that none of the hundreds of angry fanboys that keep throwing shit at you actually care about your opinion, i.e. they’re indifferent to the extent that they won’t stop loving what they love but not to the extent that they’ll leave your inbox alone. That, or they just want you to know that the person you’re criticizing doesn’t give a shit about criticism. Class act. This one shows up less frequently depending on which fandom you’re dealing with so to heck with it: take 2 shots for this one!
  5. “What has he ever done to you?/You’re hurting his feelings!”
    Onision fans in particular love to pull this card. Sometimes fans will try to make you feel sorry and they normally try to achieve this by seemingly thinking that (a) you need to have met or interacted with a person before knowing whether or not they’re funny and/or overall likable, or (b) you’ll destroy that person’s life and self-esteem if you don’t agree with the hype built around them. Yeah, I’m sure a world-famous celebrity like Justin Bieber has nothing to comfort himself with after hearing that I think his music’s terrible and that acting like kind of a dick makes him look like kind of a dick. On-point, fans! This one’s a double feature so let’s say 2 smaller shots!
  6. “He’s so much better than you!”
    This one’s not even trying. Just the way we like it. 1 shot!
  7. “Get a life!”
    This one’s trying even less than not at all. 1 shot!
  8. “If you don’t fucking like him, keep it to yourself!”
    According to Bros, everyone is allowed to form and voice an opinion. Unless it’s not theirs. Take a shot.
  9. “lol pewds is da best u loser, i fuk ur mom fagut”diltor
  10. “How can it be bad if so many people love it??”
    This is it. The ultimate one. Whenever this thought is processed within the cerebrum of the fanboy or the fangirl, they will know that they’ve put you in a corner. They know that the fact that something is popular is direct proof that it qualifies as smart, well-made and otherwise objectively great stuff. It doesn’t matter how obviously flawed this argument is for those of you who have read up on argumentation theory or the ad populum fallacy; when the fandumb has gotten a hold of this one, it’s game over for you. Oh, we don’t mean you’ve lost the argument, that’d be fucking stupid! What we mean is that, because this one’s such a classic, we have decided you need to take 2 shots each whenever this one appears. Like we said: GAME OVER!

NOW YOU KNOW THE RULES. GOOD LUCK!

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It is our hope that you find lots of joy (vomit) in this fun game we have created. Here’s a YouTube video where you can try it out by simply going into any part of the comment section and see what you find:

And just for good measure, here’s also the official theme song for the typical PewDiePie defenders:

Now fuck off.

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