There is no worse time to be a frequent Internet user than during the World Cup; an event the mere existence of which works as the insulting implication that I should give a shit about who manages to kick a white sphere into what net. Sounds like a pretty fricking trivial thing to base a worldwide event on but hey, the entire rest of the goddamn world seems to think that watching over-paid hunks kick a fucking ball back and forth is the apotheosis of excitement so of course, it’s pretty hard to avoid mentions of this oh so riveting sports event.
No one will leave me alone when it comes to football – or “soccer” for those of you who don’t talk like the rest of us. It’s not that people wrote about the Cup on Twitter and Facebook. Of course they’re allowed to write a drawn-out YES whenever those yellow guys beat the other guys. That’s not a problem because they have freedom of speech and I can easily ignore the speech in question by logging out.
Similarly, I wasn’t bothered by Google’s World Cup front page design or any of the videos that clogged up the first page whenever I visited YouTube. Again, no big deal.
But this year things were a bit different because I couldn’t even use my phone’s Snapchat app without getting buried in soccer bullshit. A few days back, I randomly started receiving videos and photos from Rio Live, a user that I never added as a friend and seemingly works as a compilation of snaps posted by over-excited football enthusiasts all around the world. So, not only do I have to sit through your overreacting Tweets and Facebook updates, but now I’m forced to hear you scream and yell up close whenever I open Snapchat, regardless of whether or not I know you, have you as Snapchat friends, or, y’know, give a shit about football? Thanks, Rio Live! Now we got every social network and website I use covered! Now I won’t miss one second of the World Cup or the aftermath no matter how hard I try.
Rio Live has been spamming me on Snapchat with updates on the World Cup for several days straight so I decided to confront them about it:
I think that’s enough. Now, if you’ll excuse, the right ball didn’t get kicked into the right square net so now I’m gonna go to a pub and scream swears at a TV screen. I’m sure I won’t look nuts in the slightest.