OBLIGATORY HATE MAIL #10


Every so often I receive just the right amount of comments stupid enough to be worthy of my extensive replies to make an entire article about it. This, dear reader, be one of those times. Forsooth!


Hey guys? Get this:
Not your usual Bro

PewDiePie rules! He could get the Bro Army to sell their organs to the black market if he wasn’t a good guy, but instead he makes them laugh and have a good time. And he works hard for it, he gets his skate and goes around looking for wi-fi spots to upload his videos. He’s way cooler than you man! Nuff said. Brofist

Your username is ironic given the counterarguments you’re presenting. Try harder next time and see me after class. Dickwad. F-


Jacob

oh where can i start? how about the topic that “he’s only in it for the money”. sure, he runs ads. sure, he asks for money and support. but, if you actually did any research, you would see just how much of that money he gives away to hospitals, foundations, and he donates most of it to charities. just watch his subscriber thank-you videos! also, i have no idea why you said he has a bad french accent… hes not french! if you havent noticed, bad video-gane playing is actually funny. and its funny to watch someone completely freak out over a game. lastly, a lets play isnt someone rating the game. think about it. its someone actually playing the game so other people can see what its like.

“oh where can i start? ”

Gee, I dunno. Maybe you should start by addressing something I’ve already talked about and make insipid, redundant criticisms that you Bros seem to think magically become more valid just because you rehash them a million times?

“how about the topic that ‘he’s only in it for the money’.”

Aaaand here we go again.

“sure, he runs ads. sure, he asks for money and support. but, if you actually did any research, you would see just how much of that money he gives away to hospitals, foundations, and he donates most of it to charities.”

Which doesn’t really have that much relevance when the point still stands that if PewDiePie wasn’t making easy money off of his vids, he’d probably try to aim for higher quality and creativity. If he’s actually capable of conjuring anything unrelated to childish dick jokes.

“just watch his subscriber thank-you videos!”

“i have no idea why you said he has a bad french accent… hes not french!”

I meant when he fakes his accent. Drop the act, troll. You knew perfectly well what I meant. This one’s not even funny.

“if you havent noticed, bad video-gane playing is actually funny.”

No it isn’t. Next?

“and its funny to watch someone completely freak out over a game.”

That means it’s funny for hundreds upon hundreds of videos, huh? Riveting.

“lastly, a lets play isnt someone rating the game. think about it. its someone actually playing the game so other people can see what its like.”

No, not according to PewDiePie. According to him, the purpose of the Let’s Play is to simulate what it’s like to play a generic horror game like Slender whilst you have invited your least favourite friend over so that he can persist in his questionable hobby of screaming rape jokes at the screen in the meantime. You Bros are just as easy to please as you are to infuriate.


Jesus

Noone, gives a shit about how you hate pewdiepie. He’s the one laughing with all his money. Lots of people (including me) love pewdiepie and his funny antics and Lets Play’s. If he gets Money for it thats great. As long as i get the entertainment, it doesn’t affect me.

This is the part where I’d sarcastically lament the fact that his “having money” totally destroys my criticism of his creatively bankrupt content, but I’m not unfunny or popular enough to be that redundant.

In actuality though, Jesus, people loving PewDiePie and PewDiePie having money and followers are things that don’t automatically determine whether or not he’s actually funny. For the son of God you’re surprisingly unaware of how things work. I’m telling your daddy!


Char

People need to stop bitching about his ‘rape’ jokes.
The majority of people who are throwing around comments like “oh em gee his rape jokes are so horrible” are people who have obviously never experienced rape at all. I am a rape victim. It happened 4 years ago when I was 24. It was brutal and it left me very scarred forever. And no, I was not drunk, I was not at a party, I was not wearing slutty clothes, nothing most people will probably reply to and say was the case (trust me I am used to that already).

However, I’m not one of those idiots who runs around bitching at anyone who uses the word in an OBVIOUSLY un-offensive and joking matter. Calm yourselves, you social injustice douchebags.
I do not like Pewdiepie. His comedy just isn’t for me. HOWEVER, I am not going around stating just how much I don’t like him and writing elaborate essays on WHY I don’t like him. You seriously need to start thinking more positively and start spending more time talking about things that you LIKE instead of things you hate. I’ve had to start thinking that way and it’s so much healthier.
I know you don’t want to hear this for the millionth time but, dude; if you don’t like him, DONT. FUCKING. WATCH. HIM. OR write gigantic essays about WHY you don’t like him. It seems to me that you’re just plain addicted to arguing, which is why you posted this thing and have kept relentlessly replying to every single comment for so goddamn long.

Seriously, dude. Go do something more constructive with your time.

The irony of the first paragraph of this comment is so fucking hilarious that it almost seems intentional and you’re about to see why.

Question: just how fucking desperate would you need to be in order to, even after having (a) read my replies to other comments and (b) actually ACKNOWLEDGED that I have already explained why the “just don’t watch him” argument is bullshit, still decide to pull that very same dumbass rejoinder as if it still works? In fact, you know what, Char? I think I also have a follow-up question related to your alleged rape experience:

If you’re really so convinced that repeating the same asinine horse shit is eventually going to make you guys win, Char, I take it you won’t mind if I keep repeating all those “you got raped because you wore provocative clothing” and “you were just drunk” routines that you’re apparently so tired of? Would that work, Char? Will I be right eventually? Will I convince you that everything’s your fault if I insist on it often enough?

Actually, I don’t care. Instead I’m just gonna keep telling you that until it stops being wrong, because since that’s clearly the way you think argumentation works then surely the same dipshit logic must be applicable to you too, right Char? Please respond.

well-we-re-waiting-o

Look, I’m sorry something as horrible as that had to happen to you, I genuienly am (taking for granted that you’re telling the truth), but that’s still no free pass for you to hit me with more fallacious fanboy bullshit, which is especially fascinating in your case seeing as you yourself are apparently not a fanboy. Yet you still choose to work from the same comeback template where your accusations could have been instantly discarded if only you’d have read what I’ve actually written. Although, I can tell that even something as basic as the ability to read doesn’t stop some people from employing redundant dipshit arguments.

By the way, Char, just because you also fall back on the old notion that I’m always negative and never think positively about anything, in spite of the initial article containing a fucking link to some of my most positive posts, I will this time include a screenshot of that part of the article for those of you who are too dense to find it, even in spite of explicitly claiming to have done your share of reading:

And here's what the "Click Here" leads to in case you're still not catching on.

And here’s what the “Click Here” leads to in case you’re still not catching on.

So, let’s recap: I don’t watch PewDiePie, I don’t always write negative things and I don’t mind rape jokes as much as I mind rape jokes that aren’t clever, e.g. those courtesy of PewDiePie. Are we good or do you wanna call me jealous for a bit for good measure?


Alexander Cook

i can’t believe that you would show such hatred to someone who is following his dream of doing something he loves… okay so you don’t like him WHO GIVES A DAMN, if you don’t like him than DON’T WATCH HIM stop bitching about a person who is simply doing something that he loves, I can understand that you are upset with those who speak out too much about him but goddamn leave him alone, he hasn’t done anything to you! and whining about it online won’t fix anything so what’s the point?

*sigh* Alright, Crook. Here’s what I want you to do now :

  1. Go back to the original comment section of my article.
  2. Press Ctrl+F (or Command+F if you’re using a Mac).
  3. Type just about any phrase from your own comment into the search bar (in whatever corner of your screen it appears, depending on which web browser you’re using).
  4. Discover that pretty much every sentence of your comment is something that I’ve already rebutted, already answered, and/or already explained is a non-sensical and stupid argument.
  5. ???
  6. Profit.

This procedure is sure to make things more convenient for you in the future.


Frederieke
May 6, 2014 at 9:34 pm:

Only thing I was wondering, why do you put so much energy and hate in someone you don’t like? 🙂 why don’t you just let him be? why make an entire blog post about how much you hate pewdiepie, such a waste of time and negative energy.. you are not like forced to watch his video’s right? 🙂

Because, Fredrieke, as with many of the terrible films I review on this site, I didn’t just think PewDiePie’s content was terrible, but that it was so fascinatingly terrible that all of the things he miraculously manages to do wrong were worth bringing up, as well as the inexplicable hype surrounding the man.

Even so, to say that I put that much energy into writing an article or replying to all the amusing hate mail the article generated would be pushing it. So is making the assumption, based on one blog post, that I watch PewDiePie’s vids frequently, which I’m sure is what you were thinking when you presented the ever-so tiresome argument that I could just “not watch him”. Yes, my dear Fred. I can indeed “just not watch him”. In fact, “just not watching him” is precisely what I’ve spent my time doing ever since I wrote my initial “review” of his content.

I tried to be nice towards this one because, relatively, it didn’t come off as particularly hostile. But then there’s people like this guy:


John
April 25, 2014 at 7:52 am:

thats fucking dumb i had to scroll all the way down to type a comment anyways I just wanted to say go pews. He’s the shit.
Dear author of this shitty hater essay
You didn’t need to write a 5 page essay about how your panties got in a bunch when you watched this funny guy’s video. It’s just a guy who makes videos on the internet, so calm the fuck down and put a tampon in your ass. No one wants to hear you complain about Pewdiepie aka the guy who you’re jealous of [citation needed]. Stop wasting your life being a hater and winey bitch, do something useful like become the number one subscribed YouTube user… wait a second, you can’t because PEWDIEPIE’S THE SHIT. I’m gonna go watch some happy wheels vids by pewds.

ps- call this # for more tampons: 1800-imjealous

Well observed, John. It is indeed pretty fucking stupid that you took the time to scroll through all those pages of comments when all you were gonna do anyway was write more illiterate bullshit that pulls the “jealous” card, as if it’s somehow become less of a desperate cop-out over time, and pepper that with some grammatical ineptitude. It doesn’t help that you go on to prove that your own caliber of wit and comedy doesn’t exceed jokes about tampons and bleeding anuses. For what it’s worth, John, nobody was expecting better from you.

Also, if you really think it’s gonna hurt my feelings that I’m not obnoxious or annoying enough to please easily amused dipshits like you and thus make it to the #1 spot of YouTube, you’re gonna have to try out a different tactic. You could, for instance, try to burn me by repeating your non-sensical accusation of “jealousy” and your oh so clever joke about tampons.

I think I get it now. The reason you Bros keep coming back with the same old braindead arguments is that you have no concept of repetitiveness. PewDiePie has taught you that rehashing the same dumb shit over and over again, no matter how many people explain why it’s crap, always works out fine, and thus you work from that same logic when trying so desperately and passionately to prove that I’m the bad guy. Am I close, John? Please respond.

Oh and do enjoy those Happy Wheels vids. Some sign-off. That’s almost as intellectually profound as signing off your self-proclaimed smackdown by pointing out that it’s time to watch cat videos. Sometimes proving a person’s standards in terms of comedy doesn’t require any further efforts on my part. Ah, what luck.

P.S. – Call this number if you want a brain that functions more sufficiently than the one you have now: 666-LobotomyClinicDeluxe


Echo
April 4, 2014 at 2:41 am:

i seem to wonder if you and Julia only talked bad about Pewdiepie because you had nothing else to talk about because it would be akward.

Well, this is a new one, I’ll give you that. F+

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How I love to hate shit like this. Never change, guys!

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