Hello kids and welcome to the first episode of Onision’s words of wisdom, where we recite some of the greatest thing to ever be spoken by the completely honest and not even remotely deluded Internet celebrity Onision. We know he is a celebrity because he said he is one, and remember, he’s honest. With an H. Honest. Oh, and down to Earth. And right about stuff and things. And honest.
These texts of ever towering wisdom are taken directly from his Tumblr, where more of his sagacious scripture can be beheld by us mere mortals, not to mention FUNNY memes and FUNNY gifs. With this said, let us begin.
“Focus on those you love/those who love you, let all the nonsense pass right through, keep your eye on what matters.”
Ah yes, how very true. Onision, or “Greg” as he’s also known, clearly understands this much better than us losers who haven’t been on MTV for a few seconds.
After all, he is kind enough to continuously demonstrate his complete indifference towards those “nonsense” haters of his by posting a multitude of consecutive videos to his YouTube channel(s) wherein he explains how wrong and ignorant they all are, his primary tactic being repeating arguments made against him sarcastically while wearing FUNNY costumes. I know what you’re thinking, kids. With debating skills like that, you gotta wonder why this man isn’t running for president yet. He would, and please excuse my language, kick Obama’s keister.
Oh, and just in case you quite seriously believe that the majority of those “haters” are just being falsely labeled as such and are actually just regular people calling Onision out on his moronic bullshit, you’re already forgetting that Onision clearly isn’t responsible for anything of the sort. Shame on you. Go sit in the “Not Honest” corner.
“If the negative is all you can see, you’re not being honest.”
This also applies to people who see nothing but positives within themselves, of course, but as we all know there’s nothing objectively negative about Onision so, whew, he won’t need to worry about this one either.
I mean, I would totally believe that Onision is capable of making mistakes and that he also possesses the shred of human decency that’s required to do something as simple as admitting he made them instead of being a drama-mongering crybaby about it, but I know I don’t need to worry about that since he told me he’s actually nice in that video he uploaded to his… um… sixth channel? Was that it? No. Uh, hang on, lemme think for a sec…
“Butthurt: A word often used by people possessing the maturity level of your average high schooler to mock others for simply being upset.”
Once again Greg skillfully puts all those haters that he keeps ignoring in their rightful place by explaining that the word “butthurt” (which Onision himself has never used but his haters want you to believe he has by using PhotoShop on his Tumblr posts, Facebok statuses and… I dunno, soundclips of him talking, I guess) is a word used only by childish high school students and mean bullies. Burn and/or zing, Greg. It really stings coming from someone who’s so smart that he knows that as you grow up and mature it’s much more appropriate to reason with your enemies like this:
“Haters? Fuck those god damn pieces of shit. They want to spend their dipshit loser fucking lives talking shit about me? Their choice.”
NOTE: Calling them “retards” will suffice too. Nothing short of poetry, Greg.
Did I mention Onision’s honest, by the way? Just thought I’d repeat that to make sure it isn’t too apparent that I’m trying to reinforce some transluscent facade that nobody with an I.Q. above 6 is actually going to buy into anyways. We good? Excellent. I’ll see you kids next week.
DISCLAIMER: If this article upsets you, Onision, just think of the kids in Africa. There. All better.