This one works as punishment.

This one works as punishment.

God has forsaken us.

God has forsaken us.

Justin Bieber gets yet another documentary based around his career in the form of Believe – out now in Sweden; out in the US on Christmas – and it’s exactly as entertaining as you think it is. It’s just more info about Justin’s rise to fame and how awesome and sweet he is on the inside spite of what he’s done recently and oh good God, I can’t believe this guy isn’t getting as bored of this translucent facade as I am.

Gee, I wonder what the demographic for this is?

Gee, I wonder who the demographic for this is?

This over-hyped garbage is just about as informative and necessary in its existence as Never Say Never and it doesn’t even take the chance to be slightly entertaining by making hilarious commentary on every mind-blowingly moronic faux pas Bieber’s been responsible for this past year alone. It could have been a comical journey focusing on the fall of Bieber and the year that his “good boy” image came crashing down at last. Instead it acts as a flimsy defense that just keeps milking the idea that he’s such a strong and good person at heart.Forget the headlines” it says. “Forget the rumors” it says. “Forget all the abundant evidence that our tween-pleasing product is a loathesome twit” it means.

The trailer makes these statements and it doesn’t joke around when it comes to the content beyond that. It promises scenes of Bieber taking off his shirt (to show off God knows what), spouting sentimental gobbledygook in various interviews as sad music plays in the background and chatting with some fangirls. We also get to hear Nicki Minaj, Ellen DeGeneres, Ludacris and others say nice things about him. All of this I’m sure is supposed to obliterate the notion that he’s becoming a more depsicable human by the day but I really don’t think any of this is necessary.

Why would you need this documentary to throw the fangirls off track when they only react in Bieber’s defense when people call him “gay” or “girly”? Supposedly that’s the only attack against Justin they have the cerebral capacity to provide arguments against anyway. Rarely do we see his tween fanbase bat an eye whenever he pees in public, yells at people, beats up paparazzis, gives zero shits about arriving in time to play a concert for them or even when he spits on them. Oh but psh, that’s all fine! As long as he’s not gay, right girls? Or smokes weed. Heavens forbid.

Believe biebr

You know what? If there are any Beliebers reading this right now, I’m just gonna make it perfectly clear right now: most of the times on this blog that I’ve made fun of some of the ridiculous stuff that fans of, say, One Direction and PewDiePie have done in the past in order to defend their respective idols (often where it’s not even remotely warranted), I have often pointed out that I know deep down that just because some Directioners and “Bros” act a certain way, that doesn’t mean the entirety of the fanbase are awful people with equally awful tastes in entertaiment. With you guys, however, I refuse to do that.

You are wrong for liking this. You are indisputably, demonstrably incorrect for liking this. And no, I’m not excluding those of you who read this that won’t post whiny illiterate comments composed of half-assed counter-arguments that a kindergartener with a concussion could refute in one go. This applies to ALL of you. If you still support this self-indulgant sack of cock-snot after all the shit he’s been saying and doing for the past year alone, there is something wrong in your body that needs  to either be replaced, removed or repaired.

I’m not even saying this to provoke you at this point. I’m saying this because I do in all honesty believe that you’ve officially gone full-brainwash. I believe that you are in need of help that nobody’s giving you. I actually feel sorry for you if you like Justin Bieber. I believe that Justin’s purpose of being a bland product that panders to your impressionability and developing senses of taste has finally blinded you to the point where whatever small sections of your cerebrums that might have once upon a time still possessed the ability to distinguish between a bad and a good person are now completely destroyed.

This isn’t about musical taste anymore, nor is it about all this stupid crap about Bieber being called girly or gay. This isn’t about powerful companies using a carefully manifactured tool of a man to cash in on the low self-esteem of impressionable prepubescent girls who’ll eat up any shitty love song that’s written vaguely enough to be conceivably applicable to them, in spite of the fact that they’re way out of Justin’s league. This isn’t even about this asinine documentary. No, this is about Justin Bieber being a terrible person and you guys being even worse persons for refusing to wake the fuck up and admit it, all because he’s “too cute to hate”! This is our generation. These are the people that are one day gonna run the planet and raise the children of tomorrow. The signs are clear, my friends. It is over. God has forsaken us.

tl;dr: Eh. Not a fan.

0.5/5 whatever