After returning home from a successful Friday night at the nightclub, I collapsed on my bed. Here is what I dreamed.

I was at a party at some mansion near a lake with a bunch of people. Some kids, some adults, some teens, some elderlies. It was more of a dinner party than anything I had subjected myself to during the pub visit prior. One of the guests I recognized as one of the first people to ever truly fuck me over. I hugged her tight, no doubt due to my mindless hugging during the nightclub party.

In the dinner lounge, a movie by Disney was being screened. It involved Christopher Robin teaching Winnie The Pooh, Piglet and Tigger how to use a laptop as they sat on the floor of their living room. Lady and The Tramp were there also, playing the role of Christopher Robin’s pets, I imagine. Suddenly, Tramp got horny and erected his penis, which looked just like the enormous bee stinger from one of the Donald Duck cartoons I saw as a child, only it was black. Footage of Tramp humping Lady senseless and eventually ejaculating is intercut with scenes of Tigger throwing Piglet around in a goofy, slapstick fashion.

I look at my bemused friends at the dinner party, some of whom had their faces painted black and wore white robes. We were all weirded out and confused as to why the children at the party should have to see this naughty movie, especially whilst eating. But it was alright because I eventually found that all the youngest guests at the party were busy playing in what looked like a giant pillow fort inside a gym. One of them, however, went outside for some reason to call someone on her cell phone. She seemed lost and unsure where she was, asking someone to come and get her from, well, wherever she was. She acted as if something horrible was going to occur.

Then I’m not entirely sure what happened, although I recall discovering eventually that all of the old people at the party, lead by a fat man with a moustache, were planning on destroying the rest of us with fireworks and take all of our money and jewelry. But as they were about to do this, it all backfired and the fireworks blew up in their faces. The other guests were outraged and left the party straight away. Some were laughing, others were upset and some brought home DVD copies of the Lady and The Tramp porno movie we saw.

The fat man with a moustache, I’ll call him “Bill”, was sitting on a stool next to his wheelchair, in front of a table full of gifts, holding on to his accordion and looking injured, defeated and sad. His face was full of ashes and burn marks from the firework attack. I went out to the front hall, where I had previously met that girl I hugged. I looked at a sign that had the face of a minstrel on it (I have a phobia for minstrels, I might add) and somehow – I do not remember how – ended up in my local town with the very same people who went with me to the nightclub last night.

We walked together to one of the only open nightclubs in town and they all ran inside excitedly. I, on the other hand, remained outside with my brother who had inexplicably appeared there. I asked him how we should get home, ultimately deciding to go by bike. We biked alongside some of my brother’s friends. I didn’t know them but we did have a discussion about laptop computers from the 90’s, one of which was perched on my brother’s bycicle. I felt bad the entire trip, feeling as though I really needed to go back and change things for the better.

This, ladies and gents, is where the dream restarted. Almost everything I’ve described above happened again, which it took me a while to figure out, but when I got to the part where Bill and the old people were about to attack the others with fireworks, realizing I was in a dream, I used my powers to control the dream world to make the fireworks fly out the window instead of hurting the old folks. This made the guests look out at the sky in astonishment and leave the party feeling satisfied instead of mad.

Bill still sat on his stool looking defeated, though, so I approached him. He asked me what just happened. I said to him that I had time-traveled and set things right. I told him he was a good man and that I’d very much like to borrow his accordion. He smiled.

A dog then barked at me. The End.

This has been the first entry of the Dream Diary. More will come if I dream something memorably outrageous enough.