Nothing screams "I'm an adult" like humping a piece of styrofoam. Miley's got it all figured out, doesn't she?

Becaue nothing screams “I’m an adult now” like humping a piece of styrofoam whilst dressed up as a rejected Nickelodeon cartoon. Miley’s got it all figured out.

Miley Cyrus’ most recent attempt to reassure everyone of what a raunchy young woman she’s evolved into is something I’m sure many of you have heard about. The other night, during the MTV Video Music Awards, the former Disney Channel child star put on quite the show by subjecting her vaguely matured physique to minimal clothing and the kind of twerking other white girls watch to feel better about themselves. That, coupled with the dry humping of a foam finger and other things she knows will give her the media attention she probably probably craves so desperately because it gives her eternal life or something.

And you know what?

We’re all helping her get what she wants!!

I mean, let’s face it. One half of the population (if not more) loves stupid shit whilst the rest of the population enjoys mocking stupid shit, and Miley Cyrus has no doubt given up on being genuinely talented in any area she might’ve once attempted to be talented in, and has instead started providing us with the most stupid of shit imaginable, since that’s inevitably gonna get her attention from both sides and that is all she truly desires.

Don’t act as if she’s actually trying to entertain anyone anymore. She is only trying to get people to notice how adult she’s become and like so many others before her, she has calculated that the best way to do that is to act like a 12-year-old who just discovered what pornography is and use this newly acquired knowledge to distract everyone from their absolute lack of talent by trying to be shocking and/or sexy instead, even though she manages to fuck up both and come off only as an obnoxious annoyance.

Are you tired of this? Do you find this new gimmick of Miley’s, if you can even call it that, to be as insufferably obnoxious as I do? Do you find that her tendency to treat African Americans as props doesn’t exactly help her already withering respectability? Does it annoy you that this only seems like another teenage girl that grew into that part of their life where they feel the need to tell their friends of how much alcohol, drugs and STDs they work into their everyday existence just to prove how cool they are, even though no one gives a shit about their habits or sexual self-discovery? Well, I’m afraid that’s only making this woman more and more powerful. She doesn’t care whether or not you like her at this point. She just cares that you notice her so do yourself, society, and the music industry a favor and don’t!

I myself will from this article on avoid anything having to do with Miley Cyrus, mainly for the sake of hopefully making her at least slightly less interested in trying to bleach everyone’s brains with her outright unwatchable antics due to a drop in attention, but also for the sake of my own health and sanity. I strongly urge you to do the same. It’s the only right thing to do.

That is all. Always know where your towel is!