OBLIGATORY HATE MAIL, #1

It has been an entire year since I wrote what’s no doubt my most controversial post ever: “Recent Skype-conversation only increased my PewDiePie hatred further”. A post where I reviewed YouTube gamer PewDiePie in a fashion that many of his fans seemingly disliked quite a bit. In celebration of the post’s anniversary, I have decided to share with you some of the most amusingly stupid comments the post received.

Why? Well, because I’ve been trying to find time to do a Hate Mail entry for a while now, and the comment section of my Pewdie post, which I doubt everyone will scroll through, currently contains just the right amount of content for me to quickly patch one together for avid readers everywhere to give me even more shit about.

Now, I no longer care much about PewDiePie or his insipid videos, so the only reason I even utter his name these days is because his army of “Bros” will not shrug off my post the same way I’ve shrugged off Pewdie’s videos. I’m too polite not to answer comments so here goes.

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ILOVEPEWDIE!!:

December 31, 2012 at 8:45 pm  

You know whats funny? You know all these phrases and stuff he does and says. Like seriously, Do you watch all of his stuff just to hate him? That’s pathetic! I think he is hilarious and he cheers me up on crappy days. I mean, I have a few youtubers I don’t like, But I don’t go around on the internet and posts blogs about how much I hate them. Is your life so dedicated to hating Pewdie that you make blogs about how much you hate him?! And he doesn’t need to say whats good/bad about a game. He doesn’t make reviews dipshit. Have you even watched other lps? I watch two other youtubers (ChaoticMonki and Quxxn.) and they don’t say whats good or bad about the game unless they are reviewing it. Pewdie doesn’t make a tutorial, So he doesn’t need to show how the game is played. TBH I don’t like all of the game being showed because then it just ruins it for me. Whats the fun of playing a game, when you already know everything that happens! And most the time when he cuts it out its cause its a boring part or he has to replay it. Whats wrong with him getting scared? I freak the fuck out when I play Slender. I’m scared to play a lot of games that he tried. If you hate him so much STOP watching him (It actually just supports him) and STOP hating on him! I’m not saying you have to like him just stop saying that you hate him. Just simply say something like “I don’t enjoy pewdiepie that much I rather do something else with my free time” Is that so hard? I mean he has 3,500,000+ And he is one of the fastest subscriber base on Youtube! I mean you just get a lot of hate now. Is it really worth it?

meme

I knew some poor sap would try to pull this one sooner or later so I’ll just address it straight away: no, I do not “watch” PewDiePie just to hate on him. Instead I have watched some of his videos for the sake of reference and also to make clear that I have indeed watched enough of his videos to know if I find him funny or not. If I hadn’t done that, your comment probably would’ve started with: “You clearly don’t watch his content and know nothing about him, so why even write about him?” It’s one or the other. As long as you fanboys win, right?

And no, I don’t have a blog anywhere which I’ve dedicated entirely to my hatred of one person’s body of work. What *this* is is a post. The blog itself is primarily about reviewing things, not only films or TV series. Curiously enough, though, I could write an article in which I ask film directors like George Lucas to go jump off the Burj Khalifa without any of his fanboys acting all defensive and whiny. Odd, since I would probably express my distaste of Lucas’ works in a similar manner to how I’ve written about PewDiePie. This double standard mystifies me.

Also, no, there’s nothing wrong with being scared. Just don’t film it and try to pass it off as comedy. Or wait, maybe you should because it’s apparently so fucking funny. Oh and I don’t care if his intention is to make a “review” or an LP. Whatever it is, it isn’t funny.

And finally, yes. Yes, I know that writing negatively about certain content makers, particularly those on the Web, makes their fans angry. Since I already explained that I am prepared for said backlash, I’ll just briefly state that I don’t give a flying shit.

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TheBanjoisonfire:

July 1, 2013 at 6:47 am

I agree, this guy (Victor) acts like Pews jokes are bad taste. How many stand up comedians do you know who make perverted rape jokes? I know of a few, and I don’t watch stand of comedy often. His jokes are light hearted and fun. You just seem to have gotten bored of him. Maybe his scares are fake… I mean he did put up a heart rate monitor on himself but I never saw it go above 100 BPS which is like a lite jog. I enjoy them though, dick jokes make me laugh. I honestly don’t see your problem with him, they are quite witty, just not your taste. Here is some logic for you, since you do not like every food you taste, do you post a “Hater” article about how it tastes bad. Well I would hope not. Have you also ever wondered maybe he does the videos because he enjoys making them? He spends 12 hours a day on them. 12 hours does not seem lazy to me. I feel like you need more proof. His comment Idk if you read it but I honestly wouldn’t care about it. I play worldofwarcraft, I pay for entertainment I understand he has to be paid some how. He just gets a side dish of fame :3 . Welp, anyways I thought your article was very unorganized and had little voice. You sounded like you had a cold rod stuck up your ass trying to be intellectual. You failed to impress me though, you need more rod, and a little more brain. Haha, get it not a clever joke, but still makes me laugh. Oh here is a lead that brought me to this article, I herd pewds beats his GF maybe you could find the truth behind that? Bro just get a voice if you want to sound smart.

There is no party like a Pewdiepie party.

Awyeah! Jackpot!

“I agree, this guy (Victor) acts like Pews jokes are bad taste. How many stand up comedians do you know who make perverted rape jokes? I know of a few, and I don’t watch stand of comedy often.”

Okay, to answer your question, I gotta say that I have seen REALLY fucking few stand-up routines based around some guy doing a Sandler-type voice and screaming the word “RAPE” repeatedly for 10 minutes. Your comment has already lost me by your claim that anything in PewDiePie’s videos bears any meaningful resemblance to an actual “joke”.

“His jokes are light hearted and fun. You just seem to have gotten bored of him.”

Again, what “jokes”? It’s just him reacting to things that he claims to find scary, which at first WAS pretty fun. Please note the “at first”.

“Maybe his scares are fake… I mean he did put up a heart rate monitor on himself but I never saw it go above 100 BPS which is like a lite jog. I enjoy them though, dick jokes make me laugh.”

Good for you.

“I honestly don’t see your problem with him, they are quite witty, just not your taste.”

RAPE DICKS VAGINA WITH ARMS BARRELSSS SON I DON’T CAAAARE BLOWJOBS DICKS RAPERAPERAPE

Are you laughing yet? Was that funny to you? ‘cuz it took me a total of 10 seconds to come up with all that. If this truly is your definition of the term “witty”, you would logically be on the floor running out of air by now.

“Here is some logic for you, since you do not like every food you taste, do you post a “Hater” article about how it tastes bad. Well I would hope not.”

If you mean an article that addresses the negative effects of junk food, then maybe.

“Have you also ever wondered maybe he does the videos because he enjoys making them? He spends 12 hours a day on them. 12 hours does not seem lazy to me. I feel like you need more proof.”

It’s not about how long he does it. It’s about how little he does during that allegedly busy time-span. And the “proof” that he doesn’t care about quality would be the videos themselves. If that’s not enough proof for you, well, I was never here to please you in the first place so naff off.

“His comment Idk if you read it but I honestly wouldn’t care about it. I play worldofwarcraft, I pay for entertainment I understand he has to be paid some how. He just gets a side dish of fame :3″

Okay. Fine. How is that an excuse not to try harder in terms of originality and witty content?

“Welp, anyways I thought your article was very unorganized and had little voice.”

As opposed to what? This comment?

“You sounded like you had a cold rod stuck up your ass trying to be intellectual. You failed to impress me though, you need more rod, and a little more brain. Haha, get it not a clever joke, but still makes me laugh.”

WAAAAAAAAAHHH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU CAN’T POST SARDONIC HATE OR NEGATIVE CRITICISM IN A COMEDIC FASHION ON THE INTERNET?? WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO DO SOMETHING SO IMMATURE YOU STOOPID JEALOUZ HATER??! WAAAAHHHH Y U NO BLINDLY WORSHP MEEEE-HEEE??

*Goes into a corner and cries whilst rocking back-and-forth in fetal position*

“Oh here is a lead that brought me to this article, I herd pewds beats his GF maybe you could find the truth behind that?”

I did not claim that, I do not care about that and I am not going to dig more into the subject just because some butthurt bro requested it.

“Bro just get a voice if you want to sound smart.”

Word. That fucking Stephen Hawking, amirite?

“There is no party like a Pewdiepie party.”

Truly there is no other party that would motivate you to leave after five minutes.

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Jodie brisley

March 19, 2013 at 11:51 pm  
Rigt before I start he is just a guy that doesn’t think he is funny at all but everyone thinks he is that’s what he does for a living what is the point in posting pointless opinions about what you think about him that’s your opinion keep it to your self he is a awsome guy that stops people’s bad days by basically being himself if you have a problem with that deal with it kk dick

I’ve lost my decoder ring. I’ll reply later.

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Lewis Cooper:

April 14, 2013 at 3:29 am  

Ok here’s my opinion, I agree that your not jealous and you are just showing us your honest opinion, yes OPINION about pewdiepie but, honestly why don’t you get a fucking life, explain to me how bitching on about nothing but the cons about pewdiepie is productive? Your not showing any pros about him are you? He has good points, and like it or not, at the end of the day as you waste your life on this page, he gets more and more successful, I think your a hypocrite, saying pewd’s videos are money over quality, who cares? Why get so personal about it? Why should you care if he thinks about money over quality? Your a hypocrite because if you earned how much he earns (alot I’m guessing) you would do the same, money over quality, so, once again, explain how this page is productive for you? Hmmm, putting a point across that will make no difference, lol the bro army and pewd’s can simply laugh you off, your opinions don’t mean nothing to anyone

“Ok here’s my opinion,”

Here we go again.

Y’know, I love how this particular Pewdie-worshipper admitted that he can’t use the tired “jealous” argument, but instead instantly jumped to that other argument that fanboys use when the times are bleak for them: the argument that anyone who says anything negative about their idol at any point needs to get a life, as if to say, in this case, that my entire life is dedicated to writing about PewDiePie, not considering for a second that I might be updating my blog and answering comments in my fucking SPARE TIME! Oh, and as I’ve asked previous commentors, could you tell me these pros that PewDiePie has?

You claim that he has good points? Hmm. Yeah, you know what? He does. That creature in that one game DOES look like a vagina with arms. How observant. Ah, and that DID vaguely look like a guy giving blowjob in that one ‘Happy Wheels’ video. Wow, this man proves such intelligent points via his insightful commentaries. Truly, this is a talent to be treasured for ages.  By the way, since you seem to think that pointing out to me that him staying successful is supposed to piss me off and make me feel bad, I refer you back to the end of my article and my brief Hitler reference.

His constant pandering is lame and unnecessary. You’re incorrect. There is no need for him to do that in order to maintain fame. I can think of several YouTubers who are round about as famous as PewDiePie, although obviously not quite, and they actually do put some semblance of thought into their content (such as laying off a tired shtick after it’s been milked for 200 fucking videos)! Actual jokes, actual effort, actual quality. Yet somehow, they’re still famous and make money. But then again, those YouTubers might have a more high-standard audience.

If I became as famous as Pewdie, which I don’t intend to, MAYBE I would stop giving a shit about trying to create good stuff, but seeing as the scenario would indicate that my rise to fame would take place after my years of film studying and extensive experimenting with ways to make content good, I believe I would still possess those parts of my brain. PewDiePie, however, rose to fame after years of being little more than your average gamer. The result is plain to see.

You sign the comment off by saying that you Bros can just laugh me off. Translation:

“Yeah! We bros don’t care about your arguably more high-brow taste in comedy and video-making, so here are several long, angry comments to prove to you how capable we are of just laughing things off and not letting meanie-heads like you ruin our day. lol we so much more better than u”

Bravissimo, dipshit.

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My name is idgaf:

April 26, 2013 at 12:35 am   edit

Seeing this speech made me realize how dumb people really get, I am not going to argue like a fangirl and say all the things that make PewDiePie awesome, but I will say you are a dick. Saying all his fans have no lives when you just made a f***ing novel on why you hate him and spent all that time justifying and typing your speech. How are you to say all of this when you sat there and “expressed yourself” by typing a whole list of people who you adore/envy (that list is f***ing long and you update it weekly) who are you expressing to because no one gives a f***, you have no life if you just made this speech and respond to a lot of comments that disagree with you. If you posted this you should’ve been ready for all the hate comments, but instead you wanted to try to be more superior by commenting back. The fact that you tried to make people think like you is just like Hitler, so don’t even try to tell me Hitler and PewDiePie are alike. Yes you are being a troll you could’ve said you didn’t like him and be done, but instead you argue with some comments you get if they defend PewDiePie and you tried to make people hate him too (don’t even deny you didn’t try to make more haters because you said before the list till we f***ing get it) and one more thing the video PewDiePie made as an apology for that comment about money, he can’t control YouTube ads and people are grateful he cleared things up instead of being a dumb a** hater like you. Stop being a dick, keep your thoughts to yourself, do something else with your life.

Are some of you guys being goldmines on purpose or am I just one lucky bugger?

  1.  It’s not a “speech” nor a “novel”. It’s a blog post that didn’t take me that long to write, except if you count the times I’ve revised and corrected it.
  2. Feel free to point out the exact paragraph in which I claimed that liking PewDiePie automatically means you have no life?
  3. I consider it rude not to respond when people take the time to comment on my posts. Oh, and if you actually, y’know, read the fucking article, you’ll find, contrary to your inexplicable belief, that I made it quite clear that I was indeed ready for the backlash and hate comments. *sigh* But nope, you couldn’t even do that.
  4. Speaking of reading comprehension, I didn’t make a list of people I envy to make people hate PewDiePie. I was simply trying to prove that, indeed, there are famous people I’m jealous of, and lots of ‘em, which was part of my attempt to make people understand why using the “jealous” argument makes them look like unoriginal dipshits. So, no, I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but I’m not trying to make people hate PewDiePie. I’m just trying to explain as well as I fucking can why I cannot stand his shtick or hardly even his fanbase. I am not trying to convert anyone, I’m just critisizing. But hey, fuck logic and facts as long as they oppose your opinion, right, idgaf?
  5. And finally, no, this post did not take me my whole life to create, nor has my whole life been wasted on responding to stupid comments. Spare time, ’tis called. Ever heard of it?

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jc:

May 4, 2013 at 7:26 pm

Cry more cunt. There is so much QQ in that post I don’t know whether to laugh or facepalm…so I did both :)

There is so much stupidity in this comment that I don’t know whether to block you or mock you, so I did both. *pointless emoticon to compensate for my inability to compose a witty insult*

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Nicole:

May 11, 2013 at 3:56 pm  

Do you want a badge or a chest to pin it on,seems like your just a attention seeker and with so much time on your hands to voice opinions on one person which I honestly do sense it is jealously but you hide behind the fact he isn’t up there with some of the pathetics you listed as greats especially something as stupidity as red dwarf.

No thanks. You can keep your pins and chests, seeing as my sole intention with this post was to explain why PewDiePie isn’t funny. Also, if you’re gonna accuse something, say a TV series too clever for you to wrap your head around, of being stupid, it’s a good idea to make you sure you know the difference between an adjective and a noun, unless you wanted to deliberately create some amusing irony. (It makes you look hypocritical, in case you don’t know what the word “irony” means.)

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MysterySis:

May 2, 2013 at 3:18 pm

If you hate Pewds, don’t rant on about it. I’d like to see you try and make videos and have 7 million bros. If Pewd’s videos are so bad, how come he has so many subscribers and views? And no, there aren’t only stupid kids watching Pewds, there are even adults subscribing. Let’s face it, Pewdiepie is not just a internet celebrity, he is a beautiful, sweet and funny person

“If you hate Pewds, don’t rant on about it.”

If you like Pewds, don’t comment about it.

” I’d like to see you try and make videos and have 7 million bros.”

This one is right up there with the infamous “you’re just jealous” routine and I probably should’ve rebutted that one in advance in the article as well. Me not having 7 million subscribers is irrelevent to my points, irrelevant to my criticism and irrelevant to the discussion at hand. It doesn’t matter how many subscribers either of us have. I am still qualified to speak my mind, and PewDiePie is still not immune to criticism.

“If Pewd’s videos are so bad, how come he has so many subscribers and views?”

The dominant species of YouTube is teens and kids, teens and kids have low standards, PewDiePie’s videos are textbook examples of low-brow comedy; therefor, perfect mix. That’s the easiest way to explain it, really.

“And no, there aren’t only stupid kids watching Pewds, there are even adults subscribing.”

“Let’s face it, Pewdiepie is not just a internet celebrity, he is a beautiful, sweet and funny person”

Yes, he is indeed three of those things. You can read my article in order to figure out which one of those I would *not* include when describing him.

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Sankarea:

March 14, 2013 at 3:31 pm

He thinks he’s smart. :D You’re the first one to say ‘JEALOUS.’ Guilty. Yeah, you must be jealous of other famous people, like you’re just hiding it. You’re also jealous of Pewdiepie’s skills because he’s an artist himself, incase you did not know. No one is asking your ‘insulting’ opinions. Negative opinions with an open-minded statement is okay. Fine. You don’t like Pewds? Fine. You shouldn’t insult anybody, especially calling us readers, commenters, or PewDiePie “MORONS” when your IQ is simply lower than of others. As a blogger, you are really SHAMEFUL. You can’t just accept the stuff most people like than what you smaller group of people hate. If you don’t understand why people like him, we also don’t understand why you hate him. Did you know the word ‘hate’ is only used for the people that have done wrong to you? I mean, it’s okay to dislike Pewds. That’s normal. Hate? Come on. For example, you didn’t say any word like ‘hate’ but all you do is ratting it out on the web why you’re irritated at Pewds or us “MORONS”… I would to tell you, you’re a lower type of moron that existed with the others. I think if you ever reply on my post, that just proved you’re a smart ass who will never be open-minded. Just incase, if anybody, or even you, said I have horrible grammar… don’t b*tch about it, because it’s not my native language. At least I am being able to communicate. Yeah, cool. Fine. Be happy.

Oh wow. This is almost too easy.

“He thinks he’s smart. :D ”

Right off the bat: just delightful. A shoddy attempt at a ‘Take That’ and yet another pointless emoticon to compensate for the lack of wit in the insult. The bar has been set.

“You’re the first one to say ‘JEALOUS.’ Guilty. Yeah, you must be jealous of other famous people, like you’re just hiding it. You’re also jealous of Pewdiepie’s skills because he’s an artist himself, incase you did not know.”

I don’t even…. Are you a troll or is there something genuinely wrong with you? Seriously. I was only rebutting the argument that dipshits like you pull when they can’t think of anything to say to defend the person they admire, before anyone even got the chance to try and pull it again. Up until now, I thought nobody would be that desperate, making that the only thing you’ve succesfully proved me wrong on by sending this comment.

Oh, and could you list these supposed “skills” PewDiePie has? Because, damndest thing, I just can’t think of any reason I would envy PewDiePie when it comes to “skills”. Gee, I’m so hopelessly envyous of this man’s God-given ability to recycle unfunny gags at a high octave to a point where even the most desperate of comedians would throw in the towel and give up the comedy circuits permanently. Is that what you meant? No? Okay, then I genuinely don’t know.

As for this whole thing about me ”hiding my jealousy”, as in my jealousy towards people that actually HAVE talent – there are quite honestly not enough variations of the word “stupid” in the world that could do that part of your comment justice. Yeah, of COURSE I’m hiding that I actually can be jealous of people. THAT’S why I created a fucking list of people I genuinely envy that’s almost half as long as the article itself!
Do you need mom to read even the simplest shit *out loud* to you or what the Hell is going on here?

“No one is asking your ‘insulting’ opinions. Negative opinions with an open-minded statement is okay. Fine. You don’t like Pewds? Fine. You shouldn’t insult anybody, especially calling us readers, commenters, or PewDiePie “MORONS” when your IQ is simply lower than of others.”

I seldom care what anybody asks for. Also, again, I do not think every Pewdie fan or commenter is a moron. Only those who use the “jealous” argument and can’t read.

“As a blogger, you are really SHAMEFUL. You can’t just accept the stuff most people like than what you smaller group of people hate. If you don’t understand why people like him, we also don’t understand why you hate him. Did you know the word ‘hate’ is only used for the people that have done wrong to you? ”

I can imagine you standing in front of a crowd of thousands, holding a lecture about Adolf Hitler and starting the whole thing off with: “Before you can honestly say that you hate this man, truly ask yourselves, did he ever do anything to hurt *you* directly? I will give you a moment to think about that.” I’d pay money to come and listen to it.

“I mean, it’s okay to dislike Pewds. That’s normal. Hate? Come on. For example, you didn’t say any word like ‘hate’ but all you do is ratting it out on the web why you’re irritated at Pewds or us “MORONS”… I would to tell you, you’re a lower type of moron that existed with the others.”

You would but you’re not going to?

“I think if you ever reply on my post, that just proved you’re a smart ass who will never be open-minded.”

Behold as I demonstrate my complete and utter close-mindedness by extensively replying to a comment, rather than tossing it in the trash library where it arguably belongs. Next week I’ll teach you other inventive ways to be close-minded.

“Just incase, if anybody, or even you, said I have horrible grammar… don’t b*tch about it, because it’s not my native language. At least I am being able to communicate.”

Barely.

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That’ll do for the moment.
Might upload a second volume after my cruise to Latvia.

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