Movie-43-Poster

This one works as punishment!

(See the quote below.)

(See the quote below.)

One movie. 43 actors. Nearly half of them too good to waste their time on a comedy like Movie 43. That’s not a joke, by the way. At this point, there are people everywhere, pondering how all these actors – some respected, some not so much (I’m lookin’ at you special guest star Snooki) – could agree to appear in this film. A film composed of 12 different segments, directed by 12 different people, with an all-star cast that apparently consists of no less than – what do ya know? – 43 people. Quite clever, wouldn’t you say?

Beth (Winslet) discovers something unpleasant on the neck of her date (Jackman).

Beth (Winslet) discovers something unpleasant on the neck of her date (Jackman).

Alright, so the basic premise is that a writer named Charlie (Dennis Quaid) is attempting to pitch multiple scripts to a not too impressed producer, played by Greg Kinnear. It is these failed stories of his that are the sketches which make up the rest of the film. Do I even have to explain to you how entertaining it is to watch twelve different short films, all of which – oh, joy – were turned down flat by Mr. Kinnear? No. But I suppose it’s my duty.

Each segment is a more pathetic attempt at outrageous gross-out comedy than the last. We start out with Kate Winslet dating a man with testicles on his chin, played by Hugh Jackman. Gee, aren’t we off to a great start? The sketch after that involves a homeschooled kid, whose parents (Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts) try to replicate the enviroment of a high school best way they can, including the bullying  and detentions. We then join Anna Faris, as she confesses to her boyfriend (Chris Pratt) that she gets sexual pleasure from feces. No further comment necessary. We then get an ex-couple (Emma Stone and Kieran Culkin) flirting with each other, having their conversation broadcast via a grocery store intercome. Oh how quirky. The next story involves an Apple manager, played by Richard Gere, getting in trouble for a new product – an MP3 player that’s a life-size copy of a woman, which young boys mistakenly use as a sex toy. Does any of this sound intriguing to you yet? Should I go on?

Indeed, what use is there to further explain the segments in detail? We get a superhero film parody starring Justin LongJason Sudeikis, Uma Thurman and Kristen Bell. It sucks, so why bother? We get to see Gerard Butler as a leprechaun, abducted by Johnny Knoxville as a gift for his buddy Seann William Scott. Sounds fun, right? No? Well, how about an awkward middle school date involving Jimmy Bennett, Christopher Mintz-Plasse and a menstruating Chloë Moretz? Or Stephen Merchant and Halle Berry playing an increasingly repulsive game of ‘Truth or Dare’? Or Elizabeth Banks and Josh Duhamel interacting with a cartoon cat? Sound funny yet? No? Okay.

From left to right: Seann William Scott, Johnny Knoxville and Gerard Butler as a creature of Irish lore. Oh woe.

From left to right: Seann William Scott, Johnny Knoxville and Gerard Butler as a creature of Irish lore. Oh woe.

There is this one sketch at the end with Terrence Howard that isn’t too bad, but with all this other rubbish, a sole tolerable sketch isn’t worth a single penny nor any amount of your precious time, trust me!

Believe it or not, there was hope during the development of this film that it might’ve contained some good and clever gross-out humour after all, since Trey Parker and Matt Stone were set to direct one of the segments of the movie, but dropped out to continue working on South Park . If they had stayed, maybe then there would’ve been some good gross-out humour in here. As it is, though, Movie 43 comes off as nothing but a wannabe of the crude and offensive type of comedy you’d see in films like American Pie and Team America. Movie 43 doesn’t feel like any of those movies, though. If anything, it will recall irksome memories of Freddy Got Fingered.

The way this film boasts about being the most outrageous movie ever made makes it all the more tragic how the final product turned out and how it was reviewed by critics. The 40+ actors involved ought to be truly ashamed! Calling this one of the worst ones ever wouldn’t be an exaggeration on mine or anyone else’s part. It seems to be universally agreed upon that Movie 43 is the new Disaster Movie. Even Wikipedia added it to the list of films that are considered the worst ones of all time and it’s only been out for a short while! Maybe I should find that impressive?

Movie 43 is inexcusably awful and violently unfunny. There were a few moments during the film where I was able to smile at best, but moments like that do not make up for nor forgive the rest of the movie’s content. I’m not really sure how to describe it properly, but I’m thinking that to anyone who is considering going to see this movie in the theater with your friends, allow me to say to you the same thing that George Clooney said when he was asked if he wanted a role in one of the segments in Movie 43: “No fucking way!”

Below is my rating and a trailer, which – and I must warn you – is just about as funny as the movie itself. To its credit, though, it is much shorter.

1/5 whatever