There’s one thing I’m absolutely sure of about the Internet – Tumblr is a really fun and lovely site. For the most part, anyway. The rest of the time it is a lamentable void of stupidity, adolescent awkwardness, worn-out memes and trends/gimmicks that aren’t funny, but are nevertheless utilized by a multitude of the site’s bloggers. This, dear readers, is where Tumblr is usually no fun.

I’ve had a Tumblr for no more than a few months, but during that time span I have still managed to learn a few interesting things about the website by using it. I just thought I’d tell you some of them:

1. The love lives of fictional characters is a top concern for anyone using the site!

Here’s one of the biggest annoyances with Tumblr: it’s a site where being an obnoxious, overly obsessive fangirl (there’s also fanboys but the site has even insisted that they too be called “fangirls“) is considered cool.  So cool, in fact, that nearly half of Tumblr makes up the part of Tumblr known as the “fandoms”. And with fandoms on an exaggeratedly obsessive level, so comes also fanfiction.

It’s hard to believe that some of these people actually “love” the shows they blog about when they apparently find it excruciatingly difficult to accept the choices made by the makers of said show, especially if it involves the love lives of said show’s principal characters. This type of behaviour has spawned the term “shipping” – something that occurs in much fanfiction and is basically the idea that a bunch of nerds pair together two characters from the show (the amount of interraction between the characters on the show in question tends to be an irrelevant factor when these choices are made) and then refer to that pairing as their OTP; short for “One True Pairing”.

And should something happen to your OTP that makes it even less canon than it already was – like, I dunno, the creators of the show doing what they always intended to do with the characters – then it is time to create many a poorly written text post about why it’s stupid and unfair how the writers failed to take your non-canon gay porn into consideration when writing their next episode. Those assholes, amirite?

Look, I know a lot of these fangirls are probably just joking since most of them are self-aware in their silly behaviour, but sometimes I’m genuinely concerned that some of them seriously expect that their submissions to FanFiction.net is going to have any semblance of bearing on what route the writers decide to go with characters they created for their content. I say good luck with that.

2. “Ship” is a verb; “feel” is a noun!

On Tumblr, these two words are extremely common amongst the fandoms. Where the word “ship” comes from, you can probably guess, but another word they like to use is the word “feel”. No, they do not use the word to describe the act of feeling an emotion. They just use it as a synonym to the word “emotion”.

Using “feel” as a noun is not entirely wrong, technically. One can for instance successfully capture the “feel” of a novel when attempting to adapt it into film, or maintaining a certain “feel” throughout a TV series. The way it’s used on Tumblr, though, gets quite old quite fast.

Fangirls also love to lament over the fact that “they can’t”. There’s nothing specific that they find themselves unable to accomplish, no; they just like to exclaim “I can’t” when expressing joy over something, often after smashing their head into the keyboard. cköldadskmqasd i can’t. See? Just like that. Do you find that funny? Would you love seeing people write jibberish like that over and over because they see something cute, funny, outrageous or stupid? No? Well, in that case I don’t think I can recommend that you obtain a Tumblr account any time soon.

3. Leonardo DiCaprio is the only actor in the world who’s never won an Oscar!

When the inhabitants of Tumblr aren’t whining over how Kirābī and Itatchi should/shouldn’t be having sex together, that usually means they’re too busy preaching the name of Leonardo DiCaprio and obnoxiously curse the fact that he – in spite of his several fantastic performances in such great films as Romeo + Juliet, The Foot Shooting Party and Critters 3 – has yet to receive an Oscar! *Gasp*! What’s that? Ignoring Leonardo DiCaprio? How could the Academy do something like that? Bastards! I’m blogging this! And then I’m gonna reblog another post that looks just like mine, except I’ll attach a comment that either quotes a meme or simply states the fact that “I can’t”.

Look, I love Leonardo DiCaprio just as much as the next guy, but why are so many frickin’ people on Tumblr pretending that he is the only talented actor in the history of cinema to get snubbed at the Oscars, when the same tragic fate has befallen actors like Edward Norton, Peter O’Toole, Robert Downey Jr. and of course, poor Johnny Depp, whom I think is even better than DiCaprio. Both actors are good, both have been teased with multiple nominations, none of them have won one, but only one of them should apparently be pitied for it.

No! Double no! Stop kissing Leonardo DiCaprio’s ass and acknowledge for a change all of the poor actors who put their very damndest into making characters on the big screen come to life without receiving any Academy Award what so ever.

What’s that? I can’t do that? It has to be DiCaprio whom I refer to when blogging about actors who should be getting Academy Awards but aren’t? Okay, fine. Do excuse me for having seen more movies than Titanic.

4. Fighting fire with fire is fine if you’re female!

This one I don’t mind too much because I love reading about women who put rapists (or just very misgoynistic men) in their place, i.e. “pwning” them. It’s fun to read and it encourages me to maintain a modicum of my faith in humanity. It is when things go extreme however, that I must draw a line somewhere.

The Amazing Atheist made a great video a while back, discussing the nature of the feminist community on Tumblr, and thought it strange how so many people reblog stories about a woman who punches a man in the face for telling an (even mildly) offensive joke, adding encouraging comments about how she’s a hero and a true fighter for using violence for such a noble cause. I don’t wanna comment on this too much since, once again, I do think TJ put it best in the video.

One of the worst examples of this was a recent story about a woman who severed a man’s head – yes, severed a man’s head – because of his piggish behaviour. You might think that any sane person might consider this act to be a step too far and the wrong way out, right? Well yeah, but this is the people of Tumblr we’re talking about here.

They, of course, praised the living bajeezus out of the woman like they would the new Messiah and celebrated her murder as an act of courage and awesomeness. You know, try as I might, I just can’t ignore my feeling that this wasn’t a real story, but one fanbricated by the folk at 4chan to make Tumblr’s pseudo-feminists think it’s alright to kill men who were raised wrong. Because hey, fooling Beliebers  into cutting their wrists on Twitter can’t be that much different from making the feminists of Tumblr murder people.

5. If you don’t reblog sad shit you don’t have a heart!

One of the most inexcusable aspects of Tumblr and its users is that they often claim to be a much better and less irritating community than Facebook; a site that has probably become infamous at this point for the unrelenting amount of depressing posts that claim that you’re a horrible person if you don’t press the “Like” button on said post, thus registering your support and proving once and for all what a compassionate and magnificent human being you are. More on that sort of garbage here and here, if you’re truly interested.

But surely this sort of obnoxious crap can’t possibly occur on such a divine and vastly superior social network like Tumblr, right? That site doesn’t contain a modicum of attention whoring posts trying to pass themselves off as caring or morally supreme, right? Well, no. That’s not right, actually. The Tumblr equivelant of “Like this photo of dead cats or go to Hell” is usually something along the lines of “If you don’t reblog this I’m judging you”.

Really, how is that much different? What is less irritating about seeing pictures of some random old guy in a graveyard on your dashboard, only to discover in the attatched comments that you’re the living incarnation of Lucifer if you don’t reblog the fucking photo? What if I run a blog that’s specifically about anime? Or horror movies? Or fictional characters whom I fantasize about in ways considered unhealthy in most cultures? No? That doesn’t matter? I have to reblog your emo-tastic pictures whether I feel like clogging up my followers’ dash with overly sentimental crap or not? Okay, fine. Whatever. Do forgive me for thinking I was in charge of my own blogging.

6. Cats are always funny. Context is irrelevant!

I believe no further comment is necessary.