I love how, just as Rebecca Black’s pop music has gotten too generically bad for me to mock, making fun of One Direction is no longer fun and Justin Bieber’s song writing is no longer that riffable, YouTube blesses me with the perfect material for another song commentary. Nicole Westbrook’s “It’s Thanksgiving”.

I would say that this girl is probably a Rebecca Black wannabe, if I could imagine how anyone would yearn for Black’s legacy as one of the most loathed entities on the web, so the term “troll” is probably a more apt description. Trolling or not, this song is just too awesomely asinine for me to pass. I’m not terribly interested in smacking down the new song Black is releasing, so I’m truly grateful for this. Maybe therefor I shouldn’t be so harsh on it?

Oh, who am I kidding? Let’s go!

It’s Thanksgiving

(Follow along by clicking the link above.)

“Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh, oh yeah
Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh
Come on

Ah, yes. A bunch of “oh”s, “alright”s and “yeah”s. The perfect filler material for people who are too stupid to think of lyrics that will span over the song’s 3 minute entirety. 

“I’m wide awake
And I should take
A step and say thank you, thank you

Uh-oh. It’s another teen who is singing towards someone! But whom is she singing to and thanking? Please don’t let it be a boy, I’ve heard enough songs about a tween girl singing to a boy she likes. 

“For the things you’ve done, and what you did
Oh yeah, ooh yeah

Couldn’t think of anything to put there except more “yeah”s and “oh”s, huh? Good one, Nicole.

“December was Christmas
January was New Year’s
April was Easter
And the Fourth of July but now it’s Thanksgiving”

Besides being a blatant rip-off of the unforgettably ‘Captain Obvious’ lyrics of Reblecca Black’s “Friday”, let’s try to analyze what she’s trying to say here. Judging from the way you’ve written this, Nicole, are you saying April was Easter and the Fourth of July? As in, the Fourth of July is also in April? This notion might shock you, but the Fourth of July does in fact not take place in April. Actually, come to think of it, neither does Easter. Allow me to applaud sarcastically.

“Oh oh oh, it’s Thanksgiving
We we we, we’re gonna have a good time
Oh oh oh, it’s Thanksgiving
We we we are gonna have a good time

Not sure what those repeated “we we”‘s make me wanna do more; listen to Friday instead of this crap or just go have a wee?

“With the turkey (ey!)
And mashed potatoes (ey!)
We we we are gonna have a good time
We need the turkey (ey!)
And mashed potatoes (ey!)
It’s Thanksgiving
It’s Thanksgiving

Oh good, now she’s decribing her food to me. Tell me, Nicole, did you by any chance write this when Instagram was down for maintenance?
“You know school is out
I can’t wait
I can shout thank you, thank you, thank you
No matter what you do, no matter what you say
This is my favorite day

‘Kay. I guess Christmas and birthdays can go fuck themselves.

“Yo, it’s Thanksgiving-givin’ and I’m tryin’ to be forgivin’
Nothing is forbidden, you know we gotta have it
Can’t be hateful, gotta be grateful
Gotta be grateful, can’t be hateful

I think I just vomited a little. A little vomited I just think I did.

See what I did there? Now I too can become a rapping genius. By the way, tell me if the pedophilic black man in this video looks familiar. Yeah, it’s the “switchin’ lanes” guy, Patrice Wilson. The puzzle is coming together. And it looks like actual shit.

“Mashed potatoes on my, on my table
I got ribs smelling’ up my neighbors’ cribs
Havin’ good times, we be laughin’ ’til we cry

We be burnin, not concernin’ what nobody got to say about grammatical correctness.

“It’s Thanks, Thanks, Thanksgiving
Come on
It’s Thanks, Thanks, Thanksgiving
Give ‘em thanks, y’all

Sure. I’d like to thank Nicole Westbrook for this profoundly written song that gave me a good laugh and something to write about!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Or maybe it’s actually the Fourth of July. I dunno.