Only female 90’s kids will understand this post.
No reason why, I’m just sayin’!

What’s this? Victor Anderson doing a rant on something utterly stupid on Facebook? Well gee, what else is new? A Doctor Who episode with Daleks? Har-har.

Yeah, we’re doing the old “Everything on Facebook is stupid”-thing again. It’s not my fault, though, I swear. I can’t help that there’s just so much idiotic crap infesting the Facebook news feed no matter whom you’re subscribed to or have as a friend. And if you’re on the site often, you are bound to at least twice have seen someone share a photo that makes the assumption that you won’t understand what’s on the photo unless you are (typically) either of the following: a man, a woman or a 90’s kid.

The 90’s kid thing is the most hilarious one to me. As if to say that it’s downright inconceivable that anyone born after, or even before the 90’s knows what a certain thing is. For the sake of reference let me post a few examples:

You heard it right here, folks! Only a kid of the 90’s can possibly know what this means. Oh what, were you born in 1976? Did you go to school during the 80’s? Well, fuck you if you existed any time before the 90’s, because you obviously can’t have any frickin’ clue what it’s like to lose a pen! That’s the time period when pens and the misplacing of pens were fucking invented,  ya dolt. Didn’t you know?

Here’s another one. I really wish I could say for sure that they’re trolling us at this point:

Of course! Of course only 90’s kids will be able to relate to the frustration of the spiral phone cable that just kept getting all tangled up. There was this one time when my grandfather told me how mad his father would get over this irritating cable, but I promptly told him to shut up, because I was just so sick of hearing the man go on and on about something only a 90’s kid like myself can fully understand. I mean, did he really expect me to believe that phone cables were invented before the 90’s? That’s fucking silly! Everyone knows that phones were wireless before the 90’s and then when they realized – or rather, us smart 90’s kids helped the scientists realize – that cords were a bad idea, they were scrapped and we went back to using mobile phones.

Seriously though, guys. I think there’s plenty of people who were born before the year 1990 who knows what untangling a telephone cord is like. There’s nothing about telephone cords that make the unique to the era when you morons were born!

All right, one more picture. Then I’m done.

Oh dear God, yes! Wile E. Coyote! The Looney Tunes! One of the defining icons of the 1990’s. How can anyone reconginze a character like this and not be a child of that era? How? It ain’t possible!

I’ll tell you something that annoys me, though, and that’s when people claim that the Looney Tunes cartoons were invented long before the 90’s and meanwhile spout some random names like Mel Blanc and Tex Avery or some incomprehensible stuff like that. I mean, come one, who’s gonna fall for that? What are they gonna try to tell us next? That 9/11 wasn’t orchestrated by the American government? That the moon landings actually happened? Is this world going totally insane or is it just 90’s kids?

I think you get my point. 90’s kids need to can it and realize that being a child from that decade doesn’t make them special or that just because something fucking existed during that decade doesn’t mean that it’s unique specifically to that decade! It’s kinda like saying that only 60’s kids will know of the assassination of John F. Kennedy, or that only 80’s kids remember Michael Jackson, or that only 30 A.D. kids know who the heck Jesus was. Or that only males have any idea what pornography i… Oh, wait!

This one’s a classic by now. The premise that only men know that a totally empty browser historymeans that,  in all likelyhood, the user has been viewing some naughty online videos lately. Porn is one of the biggest reasons men don’t want anyone to see their browser history and we’re never gonna tell all the girls our little secret, are we? No no, we’re just gonna make jokes about it until they probably figure it out by themselves. That’ll throw ’em off! Cue the awkward trombone.

Was the fact that men tend to eradicate their Internet history after looking up some porn really intended to be a secret? A secret which females were never meant to know about in the slightest? Considering the non-existent amount of effort put into keeping this dirty “man secret” under any form of wraps, I’m pretty sure we’ve managed to make it kommon knowledge. To put my theory to the test, I actually showed this photo to one of my female classmates and asked her if she knew what it meant. She said “Well, it probably means they’ve been watching porn and don’t want anyone else to know”.

Well done on that one, males. Way to use the Internet’s inexcusable love of exploiting bad jokes to eradicate what little mystery our horny nature was ever shrouded in! You share a photo on your Facebook about deleted browser history, thinking you’re all secretive and clever, when in reality you’re more or less confirming that you watch sex videos.

And then of course, there’s the (admittedly more rare) kind of photos which are meant to be shared by women, in which we usually see a woman writhing in pain or a series of incoherent, illogical statements, which apparently “only women will understand”. The first thing that came into my head when I saw one og these was “Oh, you mean you’re on your period?” But that’s not acceptable, is it? Hell no! Only women can know what menstruation is. True, they’re the only ones who can fully relate to the pain of it all but the photos I saw claimed that only women “understand this” – “this” being some quite obvious signs of menstruation. This is part of the common desire amongst females to feel like they’re so much more cryptic and complex than us men and that a simpleton of a man could never understand the life of a woman. No. Sorry, you’re not complex because you think irrationally during periods and you’re not friggin’ cryptic just because you get a kick out of telling your husband the opposite of what you mean!

I hate to be the one to burst your bubble, girls, but not only have I had the experience described to me (thanks a lot for that, Julia) but I also went to school, okay? I know perfectly well what periods are and just because I’ve never had one, doesn’t mean I don’t get your clever little innuendos. Now stop thinking you’re mysterious.

That applies to all of you – just stop it! Being a 90’s kid isn’t fascinating, menstruation is not some kind of mystery and if you don’t know why men tend to erase their web history by now… well.