I have made no secret of the fact that I don’t respond noddingly to the claim that the gaming, grating “Totally not just in it for the money” YouTuber known as PewDiePie is supposed to be funny.

I have already explained that his shtick, which consists mainly of overly frightened screaming and/or that unbearable kind of improv-attempts only a Let’s Play could offer (not all Let’s Plays, mind you, but too many), doesn’t amuse me particularly. I’ve already stated that I’m happily excluded from the Bro Army so you might be wondering why I’m bringing this all up again?

Well, I was in a Skype conversation the other day with my mate Julia, whom I’ve recently grown quite fond of since she revealed to me that she too eventually got tired of Pewds after he had, y’know, done the exact same “funny” gimmick for, what, maybe 20-30 something videos? In said conversation, she astounded me when she brought up some things I had yet to think about.

Even though the humour in them can be hit and miss, she said, a Let’s Play is at the very least intended to informatively showcase a sufficient deal of the game in question, right? And if it’s done in the form of a review, then it should probably analyze the game’s pros and cons as well, right?

Y E S !   R I G H T ! !   T H A N K   Y O U ! !

What happens instead, though, is that PewDiePie, due to possessing guts that by all means make Shaggy look like Schwarzenegger, does what gamers refer to as “ragequitting” (just replace “rage” with “fear”) when he gets too spooked, sometimes making it hard to tell if the game featured in his video actually seems worthwhile or not; not that good ol’ shrieking Pewdie was analyzing it very intelligently to begin with. Julia also brought up his apparent inability to appropriately adjust his mic settings for these bursts of fear and screaming but hey, the more annoying it sounds the funnier, I guess.

But yes, that’s a damned excellent point! How much of the games does PewDiePie normally show? I know he doesn’t exactly chicken out during something like Happy Wheels but has he ever put any semblance of effort into doing a solid Let’s Play/walkthrough of a horror game without turning it off because, boo hoo, it’s just so vewy cweepy? And better yet, has he ever talked about what’s interesting about the featured games?

Unless you qualify “HEEUUHHH AAAAAAAAAH BIDIDIDIDIDIDIDI” or “NEUUH NEEEUUH NEEEEEEEEUH” or “BARRELS!!” as informative and analyctic (or funny, for that matter) and ragequitting as the most enlightening way to demonstrate the attractive aspects of a video game, I’d say he doesn’t quite fulfil the purpose of a Let’s Play, much less a video game review. I know he usually continues playing afterwards but come on Pew, are you even trying to do this properly?

Well, no. He obviously isn’t.

If he was, he would at the very least try to figure out some manner of strategy in order to overcome the ghoulish monstrosity that keeps running towards his computer screen and mentally scarring him with its cheap-ass jump scares, right? Isn’t that what most gamers would think to do? Yep, but not Pewds. That would be far too interesting to watch. Let’s have some more yelling and unnervingly bad rape jokes instead! Har har!

No wait, rape jokes would require an actual thought process. We cannot have that! Let’s just scream the word again and again until some 9-year-old who most probably owns Pew’s comedic highlights on a DVD collection that his parents paid for starts making fanart about it in MS Paint. Hallelujah. (Sometimes his screams are subtitled, by the way. Because God knows, if it’s one thing his inchorent shrieking needed it’s a transcript to go with it. Too first-rate for words, innit Bros?)

It’s things like this that make it clear that he doesn’t care about quality at all. He’s just come to believe that because so many people liked his first, cheap horror game reaction video (yes, me included),  it would be a simply brilliant idea to just do it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again, all for some easy cash. So he did and so he still does. That is, when he isn’t busy giving execrable voice-overs to Happy Wheels (a game which is funnier without dialogue), repeating gags that weren’t funny the first time, creating as bizarrely immature video titles as possible, making sexual innuendos out of everything within his fucking peripheral vision or giving names to inaminate objects. “Mr. Chair!… Get it?…. ‘Cause he’s a chair??”

I have actually seen the occasional video in which Pew refrains from his unfunny “scream exasperatingly like baboon with indefinable accent into bad mic” shtick and attempts instead to film a sketch of sorts. Yet somehow, he even managed to make THAT sound like improvised pre-school garbage! I honestly think I threw up in my mouth a little when watching it, no joke.

Julia and I also talked about how Pew doesn’t seem to know what a French accent sounds like, but if I keep pointing out the things that this guy fails at, not only would the article take approx. two years to finish, but Pew’s oh so cleverly named army of “Bros” would surely declare war on me because “Oh noez – someone disagrees with me”.

Oops, forgot the pointless ;_;-emoticon… and a bad dick joke… and a cat… named Mr. Cat! There, I nailed it. Hilarious. I is now comedy genius!

“BOOM! … Laugh.”

Before people start attacking me, though, let me be clear: I’m aware I’m part of a small minority on this (Even if Argumentum ad populum makes that irrelevant). I’m aware PewDiePie is pretty much accepted over-all as a funny guy and that he doesn’t by any means receive the kind of backlash that the likes of Ray William Johnson, Shane Dawson or Fred get on a regular basis, even if Pew’s popularity also comes from pandering to impressionable young people with abysmally low standards – which, alas, appears to be the dominant species of the YouTube demographic.

Likewise, I’m aware that as a Swede, I’m pretty much expected to be a fan of one of my homeland’s new “icons” if you can call him that. I’m aware of all of that, but see, this doesn’t make me unqualified to speak myhonest mind, no matter how much you Bros want it to. If you get as famous as Pewdie you’re going to have to count with criticisms and that not all of them will be positive. That’s what happens when you put yourself out there as an entertainer and I’m merely giving what all types of entertainment will unavoidably receive – criticism. Oh, and for those of you claiming that I’m constantly negative and hate everything Click Here.

Also, I don’t continue to write about this guy, or anyone else I’m not a fan of, merely for the sake of being a troll or a hater. I’m doing it for the same reason I essentially keep kissing the asses of Maddox, the South Park guys and the geniuses at RiffTrax – I love to speak my mind and share my opinions, negative and positive alike. I get backlash for it sometimes, yes, but no matter how amusingly over-dramatic it can be that’s not my motivation. It’s something I’m supposed to be prepared for. I don’t even hate Felix Kjellberg, Pew’s “creator”, as a person. He’s just not a funny guy and his supposed “persona” even less so.

Do you like PewDiePie? Fine. Do you have no problem with how he blatantly seems to value cash flow over quality? Fine. Do you compose entire conversations out of his dumbass catchphrases? Fine. You like what you like. I can’t change your mind. I can merely state how surreal I find it that someone that’s this immature, unimaginative and outright breathtaking in his desperation to be funny can be so profound to everyone else. Even though, again, his fans are mostly kids, ergo at an impressionable state in their lives; it’s not like they’re not gonna intelligently articulate the reasons WHY this is funny. They’re just gonna think shit like this is comedy gold for as long as the YouTube front page insist on it:

Can't you just *feel* the munificient effort?

With emphasis on the “profound”.

Oh and just in case anyone is actually unoriginal enough to hit me with the already parody-level “you’re just jealous” argument, I’ll go over briefly the three biggest reasons why it’s bullshit:

1. If my hatred was motivated solely by jealousy of his fame, then I’d just hate everyone more famous than me.

2. If every instance of hate is really because of jealousy, as too many seem to believe, does that mean I’m also jealous of Anders Breivik and Muammar Gaddafi? Logically, I guess I must be.

3. I’m only jealous of people I consider more talented than me. People who genuinely possess skill, creativity and wit I’ll only ever dream of having. In fact I’ll give you an incomplete list of the people whose talents I actually envy:

(The list is updated occasionally. I’ll stop when I run out of names to submit or when you morons finally fucking get it.)

  • James Rolfe (this is gaming videos done right)
  • RedLetterMedia
  • BadLipReading
  • David Firth
  • Michael, Kevin and Bill of RiffTrax
  • Roger Ebert
  • Neal Stephenson
  • Douglas Adams
  • Hayao Miyazaki
  • Jean-Pierre Jeunet
  • David Lynch
  • Johnny Depp
  • Steven Spielberg
  • Tom Hanks
  • Walt Disney
  • Trey Parker & Matt Stone
  • Doug Jones
  • John Lasseter
  • Ian Hubert
  • Kate Winslet
  • Leonardo DiCaprio
  • Adrian von Ziegler
  • Christopher Nolan
  • Danny Pudi
  • Maddox
  • Gene Wilder
  • Peter Jackson
  • Andy Serkis
  • John Noble
  • Nathalie Portman
  • Michael Jackson
  • The Pythons
  • David Fincher
  • Anyone involved in Red Dwarf
  • Old-school Tim Burton
  • Hayley Williams
  • Christopher Walken
  • James Cameron
  • The Coen brothers
  • Steve Buscemi
  • Jeff Bridges
  • John Goodman
  • Noah Antwiler
  • Michael Caine
  • Fedrico Fellini
  • Robert Gustafsson
  • Gore Verbinski
  • Troy Wagner
  • Ricky Gervais
  • David Mitchell (no, not the comedian)
  • David Mitchell (no, not the author of Cloud Atlas)
  • Simon Pegg
  • Steve Carell
  • I dunno who else, but certainly not someone as childish, witless, annoying and just plain lazy as PewDiePie.

And with that I’m hoping I’ll never have to address this stupid argument again, not that it will ever stop being a favourite amongst fanboys to use.

I know that PewDiePie was proclaimed King of The Web. I also know that Hitler was pretty worshipped back in his time. Now kindly cut the ad populum bullshit and fuck off. Good day.

EDIT:  Yes, I have heard about the retsupurae-Pewdie drama and how Pewdie responded to retsupurae’s hate vid with a comment that all but confirmed that he only seems to be in this “business” for the money, to which, upon finally being called out on it, he made a hilariously insincere apology video where he claimed not to care about the money… whilst running ads on that very same video. Oh, and just like his equally sage fanboys would do, he simultaneously accused us all of just being “jealous” in that very same video. You can tell where his fans get their argumentation skills from. YouTube is a fun place.