—-

“Will you ever review the Star Wars prequels or anything Star Wars-related?”

I’ve been considering it. Although, let’s face it – everyone on the face of the Earth has already ripped apart the prequels and made fun of everything wrong with them so I’ve really got nothing to add. But I might try anyways because The Phantom Menace is just such a fun film to mock.

—-

“You are a jealous arrogant troll! Who are you to say that listening to Nicki Minaj and watching Ray William Johnson is a crime? Just wanted to point out your arrogance.”

Listening to Nicki Minaj isn’t a crime. The crime would be the fact that she’s allowed to make music and listening to it is merely a poor choice, unless her music eventually starts sucking so much that it becomes lethal. Then listening to it should become illegal also.

And watching Ray William Johnson isn’t a crime. It’s a punishment. The law should utilize it, in fact.

—-

“Have you ever been caught by the police for something?”

Almost. When I got home from Greece, a security guard of sorts decided to interrogate me due to me wearing a hat and sporting a very evil-looking little beard. Despite this idiocy, I must say I got a little worried. After all, when a cop stops someone who isn’t black, it might actually be serious. He let me go almost right away when finding out I wasn’t travelling alone.

Guard: “Hey you! Where are you arriving from?”
Me: “Er… Greece?”
Guard: “I see, and what did you do there?”
Me: “Hmm, yeah what did we do there, dad?”
Guard: “… Oh.”

Oh, and speaking of which, other people were stopped a few paces in front of me on the same day at the same airport. I saw them stand there, in fact, looking slightly miserable as the guard asked them some irrelevant questions. I’ll give you one guess as to what skin colour they had. Ah, people with authority. How lovely it is that they keep displaying their usefulness.

—-

“What, from your point of view, is the most relatable character you’ve seen in fiction?”

When I’m making films at school, I’d definetely say I’m alot like Johnny Depp’s interpretation of Edward D. Wood Jr. as seen in Ed Wood, one of the most inspirational films I’ve seen, even if it isn’t exactly a tribute to one of the better filmmakers in the world. When I’m interacting socially with people, though, I’d say I’m a less awkward but just as quirky version of Abed from Community. Watch any scene with him and you’ll know precisely what I mean. Rango from Rango comes to mind also.

Why can I always relate to Johnny Depp characters? Am I really that weird?

—-

“As a fan of the likes of The Amazing Atheist, are you also a fan of Mr Repzion, another social commentor/vlogger?”

I like MrRepzion’s videos a great deal and he tends to make very good points on most subjects. I used, however, to be minorly annoyed by his tendency to mispronounce things, such as “Than-tos” instead of “Thanos” and “Josh” instead of “Joss” (both in his review of The Avengers) although when he later explained his slight speech-impediment, it ceased to bother me.

And yes, I know of the ironic tale of how he at one point referred to himself as a “reptile-expert” and immediately afterwards started talking about frogs, but it’s an easy mistake to make and we should just drop it. Daniel Sulzbach, to cite his real name, is definitely a clever man whose videos I recommend. In fact, here’s a link.

Also, did I mention he’s really good-looking?

—-

“As an aspring filmmaker, do you have any film ideas in store?”

Most of the ideas I have now are these really surreal satirical comedies which will be vessel for a lot of the satire and social commentary I would otherwise present in the form of an article. One is Where There’s Death There’s Life; a film about teenagers who drink themselves to death in another attempt to have “fun” but are reincarnated as the babies which the teen girls at the party have been impregnated with. The tagline would be “It’s not a succesful party unless at least five people die”. This is to make teens want to go see it. They’ll think it’s some kick-ass awesome, totally sick party-movie, man, just like that masterpiece Project X.

“In your post about vegetarianism, you employed the classic ‘lions and gazelles’-argument. You do know that lions are carnivores and therefor need meet to live, wheras humans don’t necessarily need to devour meat?”

So yeah, the reason vegetarians don’t take a lion eating a defenseless gazelle as seriously as a human being eating beef is that humans are more or less omnivores, whereas the large cats can only survive on meat. I’m no expert but I think it’s true. Still, I stand by what I said about the food chain and as long as I’m top consumer and more intellectually evolved than a cow, I’m going to greatly enjoy feasting on it with a side portion of fries, a nice blob of garlic/parsley butter and a large green glass of Coke once it’s outlived its usefulness. I don’t care if I’m an omnivore or whatever; my taste buds are nevertheless designed to really love steak and morally speaking, there is no difference between me eating beef and Simba eating Timon.

Don’t try to scare me off by saying it tortures cows. I have my sincere doubts that the cow in question aspired to achieve great things in its life in the first place, so I’d be surprised if it actually gave a smeg about its fate.

“Can’t you just get your thumb out of your ass and admit that the only reason you dislike stuff such as Jersey Shore, PewDiePie and RWJ is that everyone else loves it and you’re just trying to be all cool and different and anti everything? Cute.”

I know. Aren’t I adorable?

I really wish it was that simple, y’know, but it’s not. I have had friends forcing me to endure one or two of PewDiePie’s vids on muliple occasions and each time I sit their with a frozen facial expression, I am thinking to myself: “I want to find this funny; I wish I was entertained by this; I wish there was modicum of wit incorporated into the humour that would allow me to finally take part of this PewDiePie hullaballoo… but no”. So I don’t dislike his stuff just ’cause. I try to laugh. I really do!

Jersey Shore and Ray William Johnson, though – no. No, I don’t hate those solely because they’re popular either, but rather because my sense of humour has evolved past the point where I’m amused by a guy doing kindergarten-level voice-overs over videos that maybe could’ve been entertaining on their own, and – well – whatever it  is that’s supposed to be remotely watchable about Jersey Shore.

Good day.

Advertisements