If you are a parent who is, well, the least bit sane, then you most likely know that rapper Nicki Minaj is the last person on this planet you’d want your youngsters to have as their role model. Doesn’t it terrify you then that some young people actually have her as a role model?

That, my friend, is on par with the notion that yaks can fly, only this, unfortunately, is actually true – people do look up to Nicki Minaj, and out of the countless things that worry me about the youth of today, this is inarguably one of the most alarming! Teens who seriously look up to someone like that is terrible enough, but there is this story about Nicki Minaj deciding to be a sweetheart and surprise one of her biggest fans by meeting with them. The fan in question is, and I wish I wasn’t serious, an 8-year old girl. 8 bloody years old and a fan of Nicki Minaj!

Where’d I read this, you ask? Oh y’know, just one of the ‘Heartwarming’ entries on TvTropes. So… yeah, just to recap, folks: we live in a world where it is considered heartwarming when an innocent little girl listens to a musician who sings about dicks at any given oppurtunity, whose videos are more pornographic than a depressed girl’s Tumblr and whose body quite frankly contains more silicon than a service mechanoid. That’s the premise! Be afraid! Very afraid!

Maybe I can kind of see why girls like her, though. Female rappers are not easy ones to find, as you know. I can not, on the other hand, understand how it is scientifically possible that I know boys who look up to Nicki Minaj. There are boys, I sadly kid you not, who are inspired by Nicki frickin’ Minaj! My brain does not deserve the images brought on by my speculations as to what these sort of boys do when they’re home alone, so I’ll think about something beautiful instead. Like South Park. Oh, South Park, PLEASE do make fun of Nicki Minaj in the next episode or something. And show no mercy for God’s sakes!

Nicki Minaj once made a song mocking stupid hoes. It would be the same as if I were to make a song mocking skinny, film-crazy bloggers.