A movie. Usually 90 or 120 minutes of runtime. Typically features a protagonist or a set of characters facing some sort of hazard or going on an excellent adventure. Unless the title is Eraserhead, The Box or What Is It?, I don’t think that a movie is something horribly difficult to follow, right? Oh, if only it were that simple.

See, the other night a film marathon was taking place. It is difficult to have one of those, especially at night, without including the Paranormal Activity-movies. When we reached Paranormal Activity 3, this one slightly annoyed girl started asking why the hell all the movies were set in 2006. Um, well, because that’s a significant year in the lives of our protagonists, if you didn’t notice that yet. It’s been quite apparent from the last 2 films that 2006 is the “key year”, if you will, of the franchise

That wasn’t too bad, you say? Well, how about this one then? We saw Transformers – y’know, the one with the robots and the stick with boobies – and I found myself wanting to strangle the person next to me who wouldn’t stop asking why John Turturro’s character was wearing a Superman-shirt. I swear that she went on for about five minutes, asking what Superman had to do with the movie, this in spite of me – whilst trying desperately to keep my hands off her throat – explaining that Turturro’s character is probably a nerdy Superman-fan. It got worse when we saw The Big Lebowski and the same miserable moron kept asking why The Dude wasn’t played by a hot guy! UGH!! It’s because The Dude wouldn’t be as lovably slobby and hilarious if he looked like Jacob frickin’ Black, you idiot!

These are the same kinds of morons who attend movies and laugh at moments that are serious and play with their phones during the screening. That’s right, dear readers; what we’re dealing with here is once again tweens. My one true nemesis.

Speaking of tween girls and Paranormal Activity, what is it exactly with them and horror movies? As I said, I recently saw the whole trilogy with a group of friends, an experience which proved that those films are less scary when watched with a group of people, especially when many of them are easily frightened teen girls who will shriek annoyingly with fear at even the faintest spooky, harmless sound effect. Why is it so easy to scare tweens?

Also, what’s with their choice of words when watching these tame horror films?? Here’s the thing: in Sweden, the word for scary is “läskig”, but for some inexplicable reason, tweens prefer to use the word “äcklig”, which means disgusting. So, just to clarify, according to the girls of my generation and country: haunted houses, ominous shadows and killer clowns in shower rooms are absolutely “disgusting”. Wh… Seriously? Why that word? What’s “disgusting” about spooky and scary stuff? Ghosts and demons are scary, not disgusting. Maggots eating a dead dog is disgusting. A pool of liquid feces is disgusting. The cast of Jersey Shore is disgusting. I just don’t get you tweens, I don’t!

Phew… Sorry, dear readers. I’m rambling again. I need a glass of water.


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