You all know the drill. It’s a mix between a normal FAQ and me answering random questions I’ve recieved from people I’ve actually met. I don’t know why I do so many of these, honestly.

“What famous person would you most like to meet?”

The cast of Red Dwarf. That would be the most awesome thing… ever.

“Do you believe in ghosts, spirits and such?”

No idea why I should. What I believe in is what science tells us; that death is simply when the heart stops pumping your blood, you stop breathing, your brain stops, your consciousness stops, basically your body no longer works. It is dead. It is over. There is no soul or some such within your body that is going to end up in the sky, in Hell or roaming aimlessly around the halls of some creepy haunted mansion. What we’ve learned from science should make any sane person understand exactly how death actually works.

And no, if you’ve seen mysterious figures at night, felt ominous presences or felt as if someone’s holding you down in bed, that doesn’t prove that your haunted. It is either sleep paralysis or night terrors, both of which cause hallucinations – this happened to my brother once – and sleep paralysis makes you feel as though you cannot move – this has happened to me. Really, just drop the whole spirit-thing, folks. Put down the Bible and pick up a science book.

“So why do you believe in aliens but not ghosts?”

Why do people make this argument? Why? Why do some believe that a non-believer in ghosts like myself should have the opinion that the idea of life on other planets is equally preposterous? If I were a Christian, maybe then I would stupidly think that life is only on Earth because God put us all here or something. I don’t. Thinking that the existence of life is only possible in this part of the entire Universe – the entire UNIVERSE, people – is really quite silly.

“Are you gonna keep reviewing every new South Park-episode as they’re released?”

Actually, probably not. I consider creating a new category on my blog: TV Reviews, so that I can finally write long articles on why shows like Fringe, South Park and Red Dwarf are so memorable and what’s lame about shows like Family Guy and, irk, Jersey Shore. Look forward to that.

“Why do you constantly bash Justin Bieber and Rebecca Black? Get a life.”

Don’t you worry. I do have a life. Making movies with m’colleagues, studying, hanging out with friends (though not as much as I’d like); my life’s pretty calm and sweet and I suspect it’ll be a worthwhile one in the end.

As for Black and Bieber, I’ve made fun of Black’s awful songs and the stupid ones out of the fans pf Bieber. Black and Bieber themselves are in all likelyhood wonderful people. Honestly, if I met them I’d probably hug them and pat their backs because they are just so gosh darn lovable. I hate their music, and critiquing music was okay last time I checked.

“What is the meaning of life?”

Probably this.

“Are you quite honestly a feminist, as you say?”

Not really. Because I’ve never even actually said that I am. I said at one point that I am not opposed to it, but that does not mean I am one myself.

See, the thing is that I like the idea behind the concept of feminism, which is equality between the sexes. I like that. Well, it’s too darn bad so many feminists don’t take their own message seriously and thus ignore the cruelty towards men and whine on and on about the cruelty towards women, which in their mind is more important. This is of course is because so many feminists think that all men are strong and all women are weak and vulnerable. Um… Where the heck is the equality? A genius said once: “Feminism is the idea that we can make both sexes equal by focusing solely on the issues of one of them.”

Nevertheless, I like the message these ladies are trying to get across.

“The cockpit? What is it?”

It’s the fiery part of Hell where roosters and gay people go but that’s not important right now.

“Y dO u liike gay ass Fringe,? ItS so bårin’ and dumb and sci-fi gaayyy..?”

Die.

“I see you often make fun of people who drink a lot. Shouldn’t you be more careful with that?”

No. Idiots who drink themselves silly, barf everywhere, wake up with a terrible hangover and refer to that as “great partying” are perfectly acceptable targets to this writer.

I have a friend named Raouf and there was this one Walpurgis we spent together. We decided not to drink, but instead observe as the pitiful morons around us drank away their sanity and thought it was pure fun. “The great thing about really drunk people,” he said, “is that we can laugh at them and they can’t do anything about it.” And yes, I know it’s awful when people drink so much that they pass out, but I have this other friend who does this regularly. You know you’re a pretty hopeless case when you don’t learn from the first time you nearly drank yourself to death.

If you are gonna drink, drink this.

“It seems, judging from most of these answers, that you’ve been watching way too much of The Amazing Atheist. Is this true?”

Yes.

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