Yes, I actually watch this still. You better deal with it.

But what exactly happened to it? Canadian mockumentary-cartoon Total Drama Island started out as a really clever and funny animated parody of reality TV (think Drawn Together but… cleaner) with a cast of colourful characters, all of whom are interesting teen stereotypes, yet remarkably relatable ones at that. This was a really fun concept and I enjoyed the show greatly in middle school (2008 or so), my favourite “camper” being the kid named Noah.

Then came Season 2, Total Drama Action. You’d think they would introduce a new set of characters for this, right? Well, no. Instead we got the very same characters again, stereotypes much more exaggerated this time around. The humour got much zanier and more unrealistic than it was in the first season, which wasn’t completely realistic to begin with but it still felt like an animated version of reality TV. Total Drama Action, however, felt more like a generic Cartoon Network programme, the premise was less intriguing, and gone was the novelty and surprise of airing alternate endings in different countries.

Season 3, Total Drama World Tour, was nothing less than a complete mess, not because it was bad but because it was all over the place. The show’s humour went from semi-realistic and clever to downright surreal; it became more self-aware, poking fun at Cody-fangirls, Gwen-fanboys and writers of fanfiction; the characters are more exaggerated than ever and things simply got weird. By far the worst thing about this season was how they kept showing trailers and promos that gave away who was going to get voted off when and who was going to make a comeback. Yeah, because who wants to be surprised? Oh, and there were two new characters this time, actually. Recycled from old characters! Isn’t that great writing?

At his point, the first episode of the fourth and current season has aired and finally we get a full cast of new faces, some of whom seem new and not simply recycled. Finally! I’ve seen parts of it and I noticed that the previous cast, who were put in hopeless peril at the end of Season 3, showed up unharmed on a yacht in this new episode. We never see how they survived the inescapable danger but they did. Somehow.

I always though it would be much more inventive if Season 4 had two storylines – one involving the new Total Drama contestants stealing the fame of the previous cast and another involving the old cast getting stuck on a desert island after the chaos at the end of World Tour, forced to use the things they learned in Total Drama during all their challenges to survive and return to civilization. Wouldn’t that have been cool? Must I write a fan fic?

Oh well, here’s hoping the fourth season doesn’t completely suck.

Speaking of Canadian stuff, I hear my homeland beat them – and a bunch of other guys I guess – in a big hockey game recently. Well, congratulations to you both for making me care even less about hockey than I thought was even possible. Because when Earth-shattering shit like this happens, everyone must write about it on Facebook. Thank God “logging out” was invented. Fucking Christ.

EDIT 25/12/2017: If you’re reading this in the age where they’ve announced that the “next” installment in the franchise will be the Teletoon equivalent of Muppet Babies, know that I do not care but I do experience unsettling flashbacks to fan videos I found in 2009.