Ah, yes. Quizzes. Like any lousy yet beloved franchise of almost any genre, The Twilight Saga has a vast collection of quizzes. My assumption was that these questions can’t be too difficult to answer, so I decided to try a few, even though I loathe the franchise. What do you think? Does it seem like I know this stuff well, in spite of how much I detest it?

Let’s take a look at some of the questions and find out:

————

In book one, where did Edward and Bella first kiss?

Probably on the mouth.

When and where was Edward born?

At night, in some crazy woman’s wet dream.

In book one, who did Bella hit with a Volleyball?

The idiot who wrote it. The idiot survived. Three more books were written.

In book two, why does Edward leave?

He tries to excape the franchise before things get dumber.

What is Edward’s favorite animal to hunt?

The rare blandus pretentius teenus.

When Edward says “It’s the safest time of day for us” what time is he talking about?

The time when there aren’t any Twilight-obsessed tweens pursuing them everywhere, pleading desperately for an autograph.

How does Bella break her hand?

She made the foolish choice of actually attempting to hold Jacob back when he was removing his shirt again. So much blood shed for nothing.

When Jacob finds out Bella and Edward are getting married, what is his reaction?

He takes off his shirt. Surprised?

In book two, what’s in Bella’s pocket that Jacob gave her that feels heavy?

In her pocket? I dunno. Maybe she is just happy to see… Nevermind. I am not going there right now.

Who “doesn’t hover”?

Huh? Is this one of those cryptic questions given to Dale Cooper on Twin Peaks? Stop writing Twilight quizzes, Log Lady!

Where were Edward and Bella when he said, “And so the lion fell in love with the lamb”?

In bed, reading the ending to a bad bedtime story. In somewhat of a paradox, the story they were reading was written by Stephanie Meyer.

Where did author Stephenie Meyer get the inspiration for the first book, Twilight?

You know that wet dream I was talking about?

In New Moon Jacob saves Bella from drowning. What was she doing that caused her to start drowning?

Trying to swim. Bad decision.

In Twilight, after this quote from Bella, “And you’ll make it look like that’s a ruse, obviously. He’ll know that we’ll know that he’s listening. He’ll never believe I’m actually going where I say I am going,” what does Emmett say?

This.

————–

13/13 – PERFECT. I rule.

Advertisements