This one works as punishment!

A Trash Humper. No clue what the actor or the character is named.

Unforgivably bad; feels other-worldly.

I’m not at all sure where to start. I know no words vulgar or negative enough to do this film justice, although calling it a “film” is unforgivably generous. I guess I can begin by mentioning a filmmaker named Harmony Korine. If you’ve seen Gummo and Kids, you might know to whom I’m referring. Each film he makes is more incomprehensible and hard to describe than the last.

His recent project Trash Humpers, on the other hand, is easy to describe. It is a poorly shot, pointless mess featuring young people dressed up as old people. Together they travel around the suburbs and molest trash cans, garbage bags and trees. In spite of this film, and every other travesty Korine has cursed the world with, critics seem to admire him in a way.

If you thought I was joking when describing the film’s premise, I am sad to inform you that you are wrong. There is a filmmaker, a grown man who dares to call himself a director, who has made a film like this. This is usually the part of the review where I talk about the film’s story and the characters, but I can’t. It’s three maniacs, plus the camera man, walking around and doing terrible things, not only haveing sex with garbage. They meet strange people, kidnap children and murder people. I must be honest and say that I have no clue how much of the horror we see in the film is scripted and how much Korine and his team actually did. Yes, I do believe Korine would kill people and then film them.

We see the Trash Humpers through a video camera, operated by Korine, which also produces the only effects in the film, namely the title screen and end credits. My father used to have such a camera. He used it to film me playing with toys. Those films were more entertaining than Trash Humpers. The way the film is shot makes it seem like one of those “found footage”-films like Apollo 18 and the Paranormal Activity-movies, but I don’t believe that’s what Korine intended. The film would have made too much sense then.

A typical, terribly shot scene in the episodic 'Trash Humpers'.

Speaking of intentions, what was Korine intending with the characters? Are they supposed to be real old folks or are they supposed to be the young people wearing unconvincing masks they so obviously are? I guess there is no way to tell.

The dailogue, like everything else in this “thing” (I couldn’t possibly refer to this as a “movie”) is non-sensical. It is sometimes idiotic, other times purely random. One scene involves a guy – yeah, just a guy – preaching about how nice life would be without a head. Another scene involves the Trash Humpers picking up some prostitutes (I though they only humped trash?), one of whom sings christmas carols. Then of course there is the image of a naked dead man, which – ohmigod – looks real. As I said, I wouldn’t be surprised if Korine is the one responsible for that poor man’s death. The last the world ever saw of him was his arse in Trash Humpers. Nobody deserves that. Not even Gaddafi.

I can forgive no critic who has ever said that Harmony Korine is a talented visionary. Seeing Trash Humpers should make any sane man see that Harmony Korine is nothing that should ever even be mentioned in the same sentence as “film”, “filmmaking”, “art” or even “sanity”.

According to IMDb, Korine was going to make his involvement in this project a secret and just shoot it and put tapes on random locations so that the unsuspecting public would see it, unaware of where it came from and who made it. I swear to God, that would be the scariest thing of all time. Maybe if that was the plot of the film, which would make the crappy video quality intentional and justified, this would’ve been a pretty fascinating horror film. As it is, though, I can hardly even talk about it. If you desire a lesson in how not to make a film… EVER, then take a look at Trash Humpers.

Most of you who have even heard of it presumably do so thanks to the episode of Brows Held High at Those who haven’t seen that, but ar curious as to what this horridly dreadful trash (Har har!) is like, check out Oancitizen’s video. It would be a crime not to include that man in a Suburban Knights-sequel, by the way. You hear me, Doug?

0.5/5 whatever