Merry Christmas!

Here’s some wonderful Nina Simone-music you can listen to while reading my answers to stuff that numerous people have asked me. As usual, these are not only questions from readers, but also from some of my friends as well as one or two idiots.

“What would you like for Christmas?”

Some Disney blu-rays, Your Movie Sucks by Roger Ebert, I Am Better Than Your Kids by Maddox, Watchmen by Alan Moore and candy, lots of it. I’ll be doing lots of reading this Christmas, it seems.

“What’s with your frequent closing line, ‘Always know where your towel is’?”

If you’ve read The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy, written by the unbeatably ingenious author Douglas Adams, you will know why it is important to know where your towel is at all times. That’s pretty much it; it’s a reference to a brilliant book.

“Why do you think people are wrong and stupid if they disagree with your reviews? Are you really that dumb?”

I certainly don’t think most people are stupid if they disagree with me, but I do think most stupid people disagree with me. That isn’t the same thing.

I also don’t think that if someone disagrees with me, they’re always wrong, but for instance, if I can write 1500-word long film reviews within the span of half an hour or somesuch, and you can motivate your opinion on a film with a sentence consisting of 5 words at best, I’m just going to assume that I am the one who knows what they’re talking about. To quote the guys at the Down In Front-site: “Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, sure, but if you like crap you like crap”. Words of wisdom.

“So you think people with blogs have a life but gamers don’t?”

Not quite. People who blog about their breakfast, document every step they take in their uneventful lives or write disgustingly cute crap about their uninteresting friends aren’t people I would consdier to be in possession of a life. I myself try to refrain from this by instead writing reviews and attempt to be witty (whether or not that works depends on the reader, of course) and not bore my readers.

I don’t know if my readers have ever found a post boring, but I do know that if I wrote inane posts about my breakfast, my dull day at school or how sad I am for some reason I refuse to give, they would be bored. I don’t do that, and I never will… except on April Fools Day, maybe.

As for gamers, sure. They insist, of course, that what they do actually matters because it gives you faster reflexes – you know, in case we would get attacked by aliens, zombies, terrorists or whatever in real life – and it also makes them game masters and probably therefor famous in the world of gaming. I think certain video games are fun but I wouldn’t be as foolish as to ever take it that seriously. I want to tell people who do take it that seriously to get a life but I already know they would probably look at me in confusion and ask me what a “life” is.

“Do you want to see a film starring Ray William Johnson?”

“What is it with you and making fun of depressed people? Do you realize what they’ve been through?”

I have made jokes about emos at many occasions, sure, but I have never, as you say, made fun of depressed people in general. Of courseI respect people who feel miserable and of course I understand how they feel. What I don’t understand is how jabbing sharp objects into your arms is going to solve anything.

By the way, I’ve been depressed too and I find that  one of the easiest ways to get over it is to joke and laugh in the face of sadness. It works for me. If it doesn’t work for you, then just try a few more knives and see if it actually helps…. Okay, that was mean even by my standards. I apologize.

“Will you hug my bunny?”

Yes.

There, all better.

“What is your opinion on SOPA?”

Well, I*SORRY! THIS RESPONSE HAS BEEN CENSORED BY SOPA (STUPID, OVER-SENSITIVE, PRETENTIOUS ASSHOLES)* and that’s what I have to say.

“You call this a film review blog? Why do you write about other stuff?”

Well, see the thing is, my friend, that this is my blog and  write about whatever I damn please. I don’t want to write about film only. I also like to write about music, television, idiotic trends on the Internet, today’s teens and pretty much anything that isn’t sports or politics. So there you go.

No more now, please. I’m tired.

Merry Christmas!

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