UNRELATED NOTE: Check out The Nostalgia Critic’s musical review of Moulin Rouge! if you haven’t. It is mighty entertaining!

Please, do not accuse me of ripping off the great Maddox’ recent post “I Hate Sasha Grey“, in which he made fun of a few fan comments on Sasha Grey’s Facebook-page.

I was amused by this and immediately wanted more, so why not create my own? After all, those who still view Justin Bieber as the most smashing thing in the world aren’t always grammatically skillful, so to speak. Other celebrities have obsessed and illiterate fans but the fans of Bieber are so easily angered that I figured a post about Bieber would be more fun to craft.

An obnoxious teen girl said to me once that only reason mostly teen girls like Justin Bieber, is that teen girls are the only ones smart enough to appreciate him. Maybe it’s true? Shall we see then what Bieber’s intelligent fans have to say about his new vid?…

  • “juztin bieber! I Like thiz iz video ,,, And then I hOpe that you be zuccezzful alwayzs”
  • “i love you and i whant you to come to my school and can you say that you whant to see all the kids in can you come tomrrow to my school or when you have time”
  • “Justin you love, we adore you way too, come to monterrey mexico otraves much we miss you, come and offer your album under the mistletoe.  NEVER SAY NEVER continues to thrive demaciado love you goodbye.”
  • “sch a cute sng”
  • “i will lab him forever ! ♥”
  • “Irdk,why there r still HATERS over dat AMAZIN VOICE ?”
  • “A year ago, a girl named Kathy was hated by everyone. Everyone made fun of her. She was ignored. Even by messages. One day she decided to kill herself. Because even her parents ignored her. She jumped out her window. No one noticed untill people started disappearing. Kathy haunted them. She made them suffer like the way she did. She hung them slowly and stabbed over and over very slowly so they could suffer like she did. If you don’t send this message to 15 different comments, you will die tonight by Kathy. Because she considers it ignoring her. Example 1: Dave looked at the first sentence and said, “Spam” and the next day the neighbors found him in his backyard, dead. Example 2: Joane was alone. She didn’t have kids or a husband. She had a lot of friends. When she had a sleepover with them she quickly had to check her e-mail. She saw this message and sent it only to 6 people because she thought she couldn’t die that night because she was surrounded by people. The next morning Joane’s friends found her in her bathtub, dead. If you don’t send this, KATHY WILL FIND YOU!”
  • “i ♥ that song i sing it everyday at skool lol i luv it so much and my friends go y do u like and sing jusitn bieber cuz he is cute and he is a good song writer the go wow lol haha”

Okay, that’s enough, but trust me when I say that there is more dreadful writing where that came from. As I looked upon these punctuation-less, capital letter-free, grammatically disasterous comments, I was of course baffled as to how I was supposed to believe that Bieber-fans – “Beliebers” if you will – love him and his music just becuase they’re the only ones smart enough.

I think we can classify that myth as busted. Unless, of course, Bieber’s fans are so deeply intelligent that they think spelling correctly no longer matters and that other people are smart enough to decipher their cryptically, maddeningly incoherent comments. But only idiots send chain letter so I think we can debunk this one as a lie. I’m sure some Bieber-fans are indeed clever, but that’s not what makes you love him, I figure.