Wait! Before we begin, let us ask ourselves what happened. Why does it seem like people went back to talking about how terrible Justin Bieber is? Where is Rebecca Black? Well, what happened was that Black inexplicably gained a genuine fanbase, seemingly ending the “Friday”-craze. So, does this mean she is actually a good pop musician now? Nope. It means merely that she went from a hilariously dreadful one to a more generic and uninteresting one. She’s bad, but no longer as funny.

Rebecca; I’m glad you have found fans and I’m sure you’re a great person. That’s exactly why I’m not making fun of you; I’m merely making fun of your latest bad song, “Person of Interest”. (Why are you on my blog anyway?)

Person Of Interest

(Feel free to follow along by listening to the actual song, if you want. I might put in a link to the music video when it arrives.)

“When you talk, I listen, I like that
When you listen, I smile and I like that.”

You love it when you listen to your boyfriend and how you smile when he listens. You seem to like yourself a lot, am I right?

“Why you lookin’, lookin’ at me just like that?
I like that
I like that”

Hey! You! Why you staring at me like that, huh?… Well, keep doing it! I like it!

“There’s a crime scene on the dance floor
Ring the alarm.”

If there’s a crime going on over there right now, trust me, I’d much rather hear the story about that!

“Police tape on the front door
And you are
A person of interest
A person of interest.”

Aww, it’s a love song.

“Can’t say I’m love yet, but certainly impressed
You are a person of interest
A person of interest.”

Oh, so it’s not a love song, it’s an “I kinda, sorta like you”-song?… Wow.

“Can’t say that it’s love yet, but somebody’s obsessed
When we’re dancing real close, think I like ya
But when the lights go down low, I can’t find ya.”

“Marco?”

“Now, I can’t get you outta my mind, yeah
It’s a crime, yeah.”

It’s a cr… w… What? What’s the crime?

“There’s a chalk line on the dance floor
In the shape of my heart”

Wha… Who put that there? Is there a psycho running around playing with chalks? What is this? Did the cops do that with their chalk? Don’t they have anything better to do?

“Crime scene tape on the front door
And you are
A person of interest
A person of interest
Can’t say I’m love yet, but certainly impressed
You are a person of interest
A person of interest
Can’t say that it’s love yet, but somebody’s obsessed.”

I still wanna know more about that crime!

“Can’t deny, implicated
In the mayhem, in my mind.”

Is “mayhem in your mind” what was going on when you wrote “Friday”?

“What has got me so frustrated
You should be mine, you should be mine!”

Yes. Like I said, I’m not in love with you, but you should still be mine… *BANGS HEAD INTO WALL WITH EACH WORD* What. Am. I. Listening. To?

“There’s a crime scene on the dance floor
Ring the alarm
Police tape on the front door.”

Oh God, please, tell me what’s going on!!

“And you are
A person of interest
A person of interest
Can’t say I’m love yet, but certainly impressed
You are a person of interest
A person of interest
Can’t say that it’s love yet, but somebody’s obsessed.”

Phew, it’s over!

A genuine fanbase is what she got. That’s great. She shouldn’t have to feel that everyone hates her, because it isn’t true. I don’t hate you Rebecca, I just hate all your songs so far. Not that you’re reading this (tempting fate here, I think).

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