Is this it? Is this what the tweens of Tellus are having insead of Justin Bieber? Five even worse musicians working together?

For a while I’ve heard about these One Direction-guys and wondered what’s the big deal with them. Well, they look pretty and they sing corny love songs, and apparently that’s all tweens need. Here we have one of their biggest hits, “What Makes You Beautiful”:

What Makes You Beautiful

(Play the video above to follow along. You’re not missing an exciting video, trust me! They’re just playing on some beach.)

You’re insecure,
don’t know what for
You’re turning heads when you walk through the do-o-or.

I like that stuttering noise you made at the end, as if that is intended to make your song cooler.

“Don’t need make-up
to cover up
Being the way that you are is eno-o-ough.”

Again with the stuttering. Besides, at this point I’m thinking a bit of autotune would’ve been for the better.

“Everyone else in the room can see it
Everyone else but yo-ou.”

Yeah, idiot!

“Baby you light up my world like nobody else
The way that you flip you’re hair gets me overwhelmed.”

It also gets me the smell of your bad shampoo on my sandwich.

“But when you smile at the ground,
it ain’t hard to tell
You don’t know Oh oh
You don’t know you’re beautiful!”

Good thinking. Next time I see a person smiling at the ground I’ll tell them that they shouldn’t be so hard on themselves. Can’t wait to see their baffled reactions.

“If only you saw what I can see
You’ll understand why I want you so desperatly”

Here’s a clue: look at your cleavage. Yeah, there ya have it.

“Right now I’m looking at you and I can’t believe
You don’t know Oh oh
You don’t know you’re beautiful! Oh oh That’s what makes you beautiful!”

You don’t know how annoyng your “oh oh”-ing is. That’s what makes you annoying.

“So c-come on, you got it wrong
To prove I’m right I put it in a so-o-ong.”

Yeah, next time I’m having a debate in school, I will break into song to prove that I’m right. More baffled reactions; love ’em.

“I don’t know why,
you’re being shy
And turn away when I look in to your eye-eye-eyes?”

She’s wondering why that creepy guy is staring at her.

“Everyone else in the room can see it
Everyone else but yo-ou
Baby you light up my world like nobody else
The way that you flip you’re hair gets me overwhelmed.”

And if you’re lucky it gets my mouth full of hair, rendering me unable to sing for a while.

“But when you smile at the ground,
it ain’t hard to tell
You don’t know Oh oh You don’t know you’re beautiful!”

So we’re just gonna hammer it in until you get it, woman.

“If only you saw what I can see
You’ll understand why I want you so desperatley
Right now I’m looking at you and I can’t believe
You don’t know Oh oh You don’t know you’re beautiful!
Oh oh That’s what makes you beautiful!”

Aw, that’s so… meh.

“Na na na na na na naaaa na na,
Na na na na na na.
Na na na na na na naaaa na na,
Na na na na na na.”

Please stop that before I hurt you.
Then they do the chorus again and then it ends. Wow, that was annoying.

Seriously though… no, I was being serious. This was purely annoying. I’m not litsening to more of this rubbish! This is all you get. Thank you and good night, dear readers. Always know where your towel is.

By the way, as for the music video, there have been actually entertaining videos where boys touch each other on a beach:

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