Yes, this is another entry about morons trying to discuss film with someone with a better understanding of film criticism – that means me. I’m sorry, but I am a guy who takes film and film criticism seriously and I honestly lower my opinion on human intelligence when I hear untaught people say things like “It doesn’t fit your taste, but Little Nicky is a good movie”.

Well, of course it doesn’t fit my taste, since mine is that of a practised film critic whilst yours is that of an incompetent Adam Sandler-fanboy.

Above is, as you may have gathered, a quote from one of those dimwits who literally have an upside-down view on movies; they honestly believe The Hot Chick is an absolute Thumbs-Up, and that Schindler’s List is a Thumbs-Down. Even those who are, so to speak, “better” than me at respecting the opinion of most people will look at the previous sentence, wondering if these people are really serious.

A particularly amusing instance of one of these people trying to discuss film with me was when I had finished stating the reasons why Schindler’s List is a great film. His response was priceless; so pathetic, in fact, that I am considering making a YouTube video based on it at some point in the future just because I want to share it with the world. I will try, however, to write all I’d like to say right here on the blog.

Anywho, his response – are you ready? – was this: “Oh you’re probably just quoting some review you’ve read online.”

I’m not even kidding. That’s all he had to say right after I proved myself the more knowledgeable. He simply accused me of stealing what I had just said from some critic’s review of Schindler’s List. Well, sir, allow me to list the reasons as to why you’ve accomplished nothing aside from making yourself look even stupider:

1. What do you mean ‘quoting’? I’m using phrases like ‘well-directed’, ‘well-acted’ etc., is that it? Well, as a film critic I am bound to say that when a film is all of those things, like Schindler’s List. So, yes, you’re correct – I’m using terms and expressions you’re unfamiliar with, which only shows I’ve read intelligent film reviews more than YOU have.

2. Even if I were reading off another person’s review, what would that signify? That I’m faking my opinion? Pretending to like the movie because I want to seem like more of a cinema snob than you? Well, no. I’m sorry, the movie’s great and I know it.

3. You’ve clearly given up. You’ve realized that I’m right so now you’ve stopped arguing, or at least trying to do so, and are just spewing nonsense, hoping it will do you any good.

4. If I’m quoting a film critic, as you believe, then that just proves me right. Think about it – I would be quoting people with greater knowledge than you and much more evolved tastes. When you say that I’m quoting educated, scholar film critics you’re just saying that I’m right. You are admitting that I’m right, yet you’re too stupid to realize it, so you just walk home proud, thinking you’ve owned me.

Congratulations, you hilariously moronic saphead, on achieving nothing aside from owning yourself. By the way, do I sound mean? I kinda do, don’t I?

Advertisements