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’13 Reasons Why’ Review (TV)

13 rees

Works as punishment.

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‘First Man’ Review

This one I recommend.

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‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ Review

This one’s worth skipping.

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naomi games

‘Funny Games’ (2008)

by Michael Haneke

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Few directors seize control of the frame as fully as Michael Haneke. Every actor on the screen, every shot that encompasses said actors, and even what is done during post-production; all of it is scrupulous like only Haneke knows how, yet never in a way wherein he seemingly shows off. His perfection doesn’t end on the technical level, however. View full article »

test5

O B L I G A T O R Y    H A T E    M A I L    #21

After years of radio silence, people have started submitting regular hate mail to my site again. Why? Don’t these shitheads get that my implied ability to get under their skins, especially when it’s not on purpose, is the only thing on this godforsaken sphere that makes me feel slightly powerful? Obviously not, because my inbox has reached that point again. In a sense, these are related to my Channel Awesome-themed hate mail heap, although they primarily concern a much (MUCH) better film critic:

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Wescis

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Roger Ebert is the best film critic of the new zeitgeist…………………………………………………………………………………………………………to suck Gene Siskel’s decomposed cock under the soggy soil underground. That means both these guys are sick gay necrophiliac fucks.

Oh whatever no one cares where they were buried at anyway

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I hate to break this to you Wescis, but buried corpses can’t perform oral sex on one another, especially if there’s really no confirming whether the caskets of Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert are within “subterranean fucking”-distance of each other. Even if they could, that would not make them necrophiles, much in the same way that two animals mating isn’t bestiality. Now that I’ve pretended to take your epic ownage of two excellent film critics seriously, I invite you to fuck in the general direction of “off”. View full article »

Update on Armond White

Professional contrarian and mental gold gymnast Armond White re-entered the film discourse a few years ago, and it appears he’s still kicking (and sometimes screaming).

A larger number of years ago, I too speculated about whether White’s central shtick, where he will pan successful films like 12 Years A Slave while gushing over something as patently incompetent as Justice League and Jack & Jill, was a put-on. Something I didn’t mention was how he oft also lets his political sensibilities get in the way of objectively judging the art at hand, or at least do so as objectively as you can with something as subjective as art¹. View full article »

† H a p p y   H a l l o w e e n †

This one’s worth skipping.

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‘Die Zombiejäger’ Review

† H a p p y   H a l l o w e e n †

This one is unspeakable.

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‘Suspiria’ Review

† H a p p y   H a l l o w e e n †

suspiria better post

This one I recommend.

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† H a p p y   H a l l o w e e n †

This one’s worth checking out.

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